Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin
by MegaKiraraLover
Summary: After his defeat, Hidan is confident Jashin will come rescue him and make the world a better place. Too bad no one would have believed him if he were to tell. More importantly...too bad he's right. Not!Romance!Centered Super!Godlike(literally)!Harry!is!Jashin HAITUS
1. Episode Zero  Memories

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: For years, Hidan was mocked because of his belief in a "false god" that gave him immortality and favored him above all others. His rituals were looked down upon, and his prayers were scoffed at. But never once did Hidan lose his faith. Because what the others didn't know was that not only could he feel the connection, but he had also heard Jashin on more than one occasion. And after his defeat, Hidan is confident Jashin will come rescue him and make the world a better place...too bad no one would have believed him if he were to tell. More importantly...too bad he's right...and "Jashin-sama" goes by a much more dangerous name loved in its original's universe and soon-to-be-feared in its new one. That name? Potter. Harry Potter... **Yaoi!Yuri!Straight!Relationships** **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-series, manga-based, slightly twisted canon, eventual AU

Pairings: Canon (including one-sided), I.E. PeinKonan, AsumaKurenai, HayateYugao, OneSided(?)HinataNaruto, OneSided/PastNarutoSakura, OneSided/PastSakuraSasuke, OneSided/PastKarinSasuke, RemusTonks, PastJamesLily, PastHarryGinny, AS WELL AS ShikamaruAyame, UdonMoegi, KarinSakura, OneSided(?)JiraiyaTsunade, Past/OneSided(?)ZetsuKonan, AND OTHERS. Also look out for: MAYBE (and that's a BIG maybe for some of these...) NejiHinata, SasoDei/DeiSaso, TobiDei/DeiTobi/MadaDei, KakaObi, or even a three-way PastNagatoKonanYahiko, but otherwise...I'm not sure yet. Definitely a few close friendships, although they might evolve into something more later on in the readings. I guess we'll all just have to wait and find out.

Notes on AU-ness: This story is a partial AU for Naruto, because at the time I'm writing this Zetsu's 100,000 clones were just revealed (and nearly gave me a fangirl-heart-attack). Not only that, but I'm going to twist parts of canon that piss me off from after the timeskip to work with my plot. Please bear with me, friends! The whole thing will (hopefully) still be believable! ^.^ Oh, and let me know if you think I should be captured and tortured by rival shinobi for thinking of this, because reviews (even flames) feed my soul...I mean muse...meh, same-diff.

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

Disclaimer: As disappointing as the whole thing is, I don't own Naruto.

-.-.-.-.-

**Episode Zero - Memories  
><strong>_"The report of my death was greatly exaggerated."  
><em>-Mark Twain

It wasn't hard for Hidan to remember the time he first pledged his life and soul to Jashin-sama. He had truly been 21 at that time, still learning the ways of Jashinism (although he was always learning the Ways of Jashin, to be truthful), and had just discovered the ultimate secret technique of his dear religion. He read over the drawbacks, then the positives, and finally the risks of doing the technique. Then he decided he didn't fuckin' care and did the jutsu, dammit.

It was a long, drawn-out jutsu involving many symbols, words, and gestures he didn't understand, but the reverberation of the positives kept him going.

"Ego dico super copiae copie superum..."

_Power._

"Copiae copie orbis terrarum quod divum..."

_Immortality._

"Ego tribuo meus Vita, Somes, et Animus ut unus quisnam est plurimus aptus."

_Truth._

"Ego loco meus credo unus quisnam mos addo nos utriusque ut maiestas."

_And most importantly..._

"Ego tribuo meus solus ut meus Dominus Jashin!"

_An unfathomable understanding of Lord Jashin!_

The symbols on the ground, the walls, and his own body glowed with a bloody red light.

And as pain shot through him, Hidan could only let out an earth shattering scream...

But even as he screamed, even as he felt what seemed to be a large part of himself being torn away and brought elsewhere, he slowly gained a new awareness. There was another now that he could sense and trust and understand and believe and follow and _Jashin-sama..._

The emptiness was filled by a foreign power, but Hidan was unconcerned, even as he felt his ability to remain conscious wavering under the strain tearing at his body, as even though he felt torn, he felt more _whole_ than he had _ever_ felt before...

"Jashin-sama," he breathed in understanding.

The man promptly collapsed.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Stuck now, in the hole that damn brat Nara Shikuki or whatever tossed his remains into, this treasured memory was one of the few that Hidan carefully clung to in order to retain his sanity. He could sense his rosary, filled with both his power and that of his dear Lord Jashin's, nearby, offering a feeling of contentment that totally went against the fact that he was actually _dying_, JASHINDAMMIT!

Under normal circumstances, there was no way in hell Hidan could die. He was immortal for as long as he continued to keep a connection with Jashin-sama, and made regular enough sacrifices to replenish whatever energy he took from Jashin-sama by being connected to Him and visa-versa. But it had been two months, now, and he had yet to sacrifice...he could sense Jashin-sama's powers becoming more weary by the day without his steady stream of energy, and his own was faring even worse. He estimated another two weeks for himself...

And if he died right now...

Jashin-sama would not have enough energy to keep them both alive.

The two would be simultaneously killed.

"Jashin-sama..." Hidan mumbled around a mouthful of dirt, ignoring the uncomfortable taste and texture on his bone-dry tongue. He could sense his beloved God turning His attention to the albino man, and a wave of concern and soothing acceptance rushed over Hidan. Purple-pink eyes closed and he sighed, turning his attention to thinking his words rather than speaking them.

_I'm dying._

_"No shit,"_ snapped Jashin-sama in a rare display of anger. True, Jashin-sama was known for having a hair-trigger temper that would arrive without warning and disappear just as quickly (according to Him), but this anger was more strained and turned towards Himself. The words softened. _"Hidan...just hold on, okay? I'm coming to get you soon."_

Hidan's eyes snapped open and he stared at the dirt and rocks in front of him despite the fact that they dug into his corneas and hurt like a bitch. _Jashin-sama, what the hell! ?_

Jashin-sama let out a faintly strained laugh. _"Don't worry, I won't harm myself...hopefully. And even if I do, it will be worth it for my most faithful follower."_

_Don't chance it, You fuckin' sunuvabitch!_ snarled Hidan without a thought over the cursing out of his God. Jashin-sama had spent years encouraging him to speak his mind, and damn if Hidan wasn't going to take this opportunity to take Him up on His offer! _Do you have any fucking idea how much trouble it's been keeping You alive this long? !_

Jashin-sama sent wry amusement with the use of their connection. _"You know, I'm fairly sure it's been more work keeping _you_ alive, Hidan. Or are you ignoring the fact that you've been 'killed' forty-eight times in the last two months of your life alone, while I have only been 'killed' once or twice in my whole existence?"_

Hidan ignored the annoying (truthful) point. _Don't chance it, Jashin-sama, or I'll never fucking forgive You!_

_"Of course you will,"_ Jashin-sama said in His even voice. _"You could never stay mad at me long...my faithful Hidan..."_

Again, Hidan ignored the truthful (annoying) point. _Seriously! You're not made for my damn world, and You know it!_

He felt the sympathy from his God leaking through their link. _"Isn't that what I have you for...? And anyone else who decides to follow me..."_

The words struck Hidan and he blinked open his eyes in shock before closing them again quickly. _Jashin-sama, what the hell__—_

_"Nothing, Hidan,"_ was Jashin-sama's gentle, but firm response. _"Not to worry. I...have a certain plan..."_

Hidan was silent through their link for a long moment. His voice was shockingly small when he went on. _Just promise me, Jashin-sama, that You will take no unnecessary chances._

The mental picture of a knowing smile was his only response.


	2. Episode One Harry No More

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

-.-.-.-.-

**Episode One - Harry No More  
><strong>_"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."  
><em>-Voltaire

Long before the conversation between Hidan and his dear God Jashin-sama happened, far away, in another Universe entirely, Harry Potter had a dilemma. At 19 years old, two years had passed since his defeat of Tom "Lord Voldemort" Riddle—two long, withering, fan-stalked years. Sure, Harry wasn't exactly upset that people wanted to see what he was doing, but _honestly_—he was _still_ finding people trying to break into his house so they could take pictures of him naked! (Thankfully less so than when he first destroyed Riddle...)

But anyway, the point of this story is not to bemoan the problems of being a celebrity, but rather to observe what Harry chooses to do with his life. So let's move on.

One day in early January, just a few days before Winter Break would be over for the students of Hogwarts, Harry Apparated just outside of the gate. The man on the other side gave him a wry look of part-amusement.

"Well, well, Potter, making a mess out of everything as usual, hmmm?" the blond said before tapping the gate with his wand. The large metal padlock disappeared and the door opened, admitting a blank-faced Harry.

"It's more than that, Malfoy," he grimly said. Draco Malfoy, current apprentice of Horace Slughorn and preparing to take over the old man's job in a year or two, frowned slightly.

"Potter?"

Harry shook his head. "It's nothing. I just...have to talk to the Headmistress."

Draco remained silent and inclined his head, sensing the seriousness of the situation. The walk up to the castle was silent and, after a brief farewell ("Don't screw anything up while you're here, Potter; I'm _still_ fixing the mess you left _last_ time..."), Harry was left to wander the familiar yet unfamiliar walls of his first and currently only true home on his way to the Headmistress's office.

The familiarity of the old school was making Harry drag his feet. He gazed with a smile upon old pictures that waved enthusiastically as he passed, and politely bowed his head when Sir Nicholas and the Fat Friar appeared to cheerfully greet him. Peeves even broke out in an old score of "Potty, Sir Potty" as he passed, earning a laugh and a grin from the previously-too-serious teenager. Peeves grinned in return and blew a raspberry after his score before zooming away with a cackling laugh of glee.

Finally, Harry found himself in front of the Gargoyles that hid the entrance to the Headmaster's Quarters. His grim determination settled back in place as the Gargoyles looked at him, made identical faces of disgust, then jumped away from each other to reveal the non-revolving staircase. Harry calmly made his way up before lightly tapping on the door.

A slightly frazzled Minerva McGonagall opened it, smiling wanly at Harry when she did.

"Hello, Harry," she warmly greeted, earning a nod and a slight smile in response. "I was just leaving; the other portraits are empty, just as you asked, except for Phineas...he's feigning sleep again, and thanks to that charm on the walls, I can't just turn his portrait around and hide him until you're done..."

"It's fine, Professor," Harry assured her. "He'll be no trouble at all. Actually, I asked him to stay even if you tried to force him out...sorry for not warning you."

McGonagall seemed slightly taken aback, but didn't question his position. "...it's fine, Harry. Don't worry about it. I'll see you in two hours, then?"

Harry just nodded and, after a final wan smile, McGonagall brushed past him and walked down the stairs, out of sight.

For a long moment, Harry just stood in the doorway, drinking in the appearance of the office before him. It was almost the same as when Dumbledore had been Headmaster, with familiar silver trinkets McGonagall had admitted she didn't know how to use and many books along the walls, but there was considerably less paperwork on the desk than when Dumbledore was in office and Fawkes's perch was long missing from its spot in the room.

Slowly, Harry walked in, green eyes wandering over everything within sight and finally resting on two portraits side-by-side—coincidently, the only two with people inside.

"Potter," Severus Snape's portrait stiffly greeted. In the same portrait, Phineas gave a lazy wave, leaning boredly on the back of the chair Snape was resting in and looking like he would rather be anywhere but there. Next to Snape's portrait, Albus Dumbledore's smiled with a twinkle-eyed look of understanding.

"Hello, Harry," greeted the elder man rather brightly. "Would you like a lemon drop? I happen to know Minerva keeps a secret stash in the drawer of the top-left of the desk..."

Snape made a noise of disgust and Phineas rolled his eyes, but Harry merely shook his head with a worried expression in place.

"Professor Dumbledore, I don't think that's appropriate considering why I came here," he said in a slightly strained voice. Dumbledore instantly frowned while Snape and Phineas gave him identical arched-eyebrow, I'm-not-sure-what-to-think-right-now-but-I'll-listen-anyway looks.

"And why is that, Harry, my boy?" Dumbledore asked with none-too-little concern. Harry took a deep breath before slowly letting it out, sitting heavily on the chair McGonagall had politely rested in front of the two portraits before she left.

"Professors, there's...something going on, and I don't know what to think of it." He paused to gather his thoughts, his voice even more uneasy when he continued. "About a week ago, I started hearing this...voice."

"A voice?"

There was no mistaking the sudden sharpness to Dumbledore's tone, and Harry paused again in surprise before he nodded. "Yeah, a voice. A man's voice. Not Voldemort's," he hurriedly added, causing Dumbledore's shoulders to untense a fraction, "I've never heard it before. And it kept talking to me, calling me a god and this weird name or title or something..."

Dumbledore's expression hardened with worry and slight anger. "What was the name, Harry?" he demanded to know, eyes narrowed and mouth a firm line. Harry was silent for a long moment.

Then,

"'Jashin-sama', Professor," Potter eventually admitted. Dumbledore hissed in a breath and both Snape and Phineas were now staring with wide eyes at Harry, and panic alit the teen's features. "Professors? What—"

"Hold on a moment, Harry," interrupted Dumbledore. He abruptly stood from his seat and began to inch towards another portrait. "I must check something..."

Dumbledore promptly began to run as Harry had only seen him do once or twice, unmindful when his hat fell off in the portrait that normally held Dilys Derwent and rested innocently on the "ground." Within ten seconds, he was gone from the room.

"...you're holding something back, Potter," Snape noticed after a few more moments of silence. Harry, his expression no longer confused/uneasy but rather unexpressive with his eyes full of worry for another, nodded slightly.

"Well, spit it out," Phineas drawled, quirking a brow at his young relative and the only Heir to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black.

Harry nodded in agreement and leaned back, folding his hands together as he rested his elbows on the arms on his chair. He looked eerily like a member of Slytherin rather than one of Gryffindor when within that stance.

"I first heard that voice eleven years ago, on my eighth birthday," he slowly began, aware of both Slytherins' eyes trained steadily upon him. "It asked—well, it was speaking Latin at me, I now know, but then I thought it was just gibberish. A voice asked if I would accept 'him', and I, thinking it was a dream, agreed. Then it felt like something—something was being torn from me, but at the same time I felt whole—and I passed out." A dark, wry smile crossed Harry's face. "Aunt Petunia wasn't very happy with me that day.

"But that's not important," Harry said, cutting off his own train of thought. "After that spell, I started hearing this voice talking in my head. It told me things like where it was, and how many people it had—it had killed in the name of 'Jashin-sama'—and even mundane things like getting a new outfit or meeting some interesting person. But I didn't respond, not even in my head, because I was...scared, to be honest. It was like, 'Why should I talk to someone who _kills people_ on a near-weekly basis?' You know? Well, you don't, but...

"But after Hagrid came to get me and my day in Diagon Ally, I thought that maybe...maybe that voice was the result of a spell. So when the voice asked me a question, which it had done a lot in the past even though I never answered, I decided to respond." A slight, fond grin crossed Harry's face and he closed his eyes, ignoring the suspicious/stunned/pissed expressions on the past Professors' faces. "He was so happy. He instantly started talking to me much more often, and over time I learned his name was Hidan, he was from a village he called 'Yugakure', and he was a...ninja."

Harry's eyes opened again and he observed Snape's deep frown and Phineas's rare, dark expression. Undeterred, he pressed on. "I didn't tell anyone, of course, because hearing voices in one's head is a sign of insanity...let alone ones with elaborate pasts...but I kept talking to Hidan for a long time. He eventually joined some group known as 'Akatsuki' that was bent on bringing peace through violence, and although that made me uneasy, I thought it best to let him live his own life. He kept talking to me continuously, still calling me 'Jashin-sama' and 'my God' and the like, but...a few days ago, he...he was buried alive. And he can't die."

Silence fell and Harry closed his eyes once more, pained by the thought. "He asked me for my help. And I want to help him—I really do. But...I just..." A shuddering breath escaped Harry and he shook his head. "I don't know how I can do it when I'm sure we're literally worlds apart."

"Quite the conundrum," muttered Snape thoughtfully. "It would seem that this 'Hidan' used the Spell of Jashin." Harry blinked open his eyes, staring silently at the man who had secretly protected him throughout his lifetime, and Snape carefully went on. "It is a forbidden Dark Arts spell from long before Hogwarts was created. The caster creates a bond with a promising wizard that tears off part of each person's soul and gives that part to the other, the caster swearing allegiance to the wizard and the wizard vowing to protect the caster to the best of his ability. I personally have never seen the technique done, but it is rumoured that neither the caster nor the wizard can die while it is in place unless killed simultaneously. Then again...the whole technique was a rumour..."

"Until now," Phineas added, his own frown in place. Harry stared between the two Slytherins with an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"That...sounds like a Horcrux," he said slowly. Phineas blinked once, seemingly amused.

"Supposedly, Horcruxes were created as a result of the Spell of Jashin."

The uneasy feeling turned into lead and Harry couldn't help but groan, burying his face in his hands. "Great...I get one damned soul out of my head only to learn that there's another one...one I've been talking to for years without knowing it..."

"Yet Hidan seems to mean you no harm," Snape pointed out evenly. Harry mentally agreed with that, but otherwise remained silent.

"The old coot will likely be back soon," Phineas boredly announced, his interest in the matter seemingly expended as he picked at his nails. "If you truly want to save your 'Hidan', however, I might suggest looking in the Black Ancestral Home's Library. Or perhaps even the House of Black's Vault. I would think there's something on dimension-hopping and the Spell of Jashin in there..."

Head rising, Harry gave Phineas a thankful/apprehensive smile. "Thanks, Professors," he said, rising to his feet. Snape snorted and rolled his eyes as Phineas looked up, quirking an eyebrow at the ravenette, but whatever snarky comment he was going to make was lost as Harry hurried out the door before Dumbledore's portrait-self could return.

He had some books to read.

-Wrath of Jashin-

It took nearly a month and a half to find and memorize both the Spell of Jashin and a dimension-hopping spell technically created for the purpose of finding those who screwed up the spelling of a Vanishing Cabinet, not to mention his side mission of finding out everything the House of Black knew about the Deathly Hallows. After re-discovering the Resurrection Stone on one of his forays into the Forest of Death on Hogwarts' grounds, he had devoted his spare time to finding out as much as he could about the famous Hallows, although most of the places he checked didn't have much.

But the House of Black was a wealth of previously-forgotten knowledge, not to mention the Vault of the House of Potter that he had gained the ability to access after Voldemort was destroyed. He now knew more about the Dark Arts than he honestly cared to, from the twisted yet simple method of creating a Horcrux to the horrible ultimate destruction of Fiendfire to the creation of eternal and damned Inferni and beyond.

But there was one spell in particular that caught Harry's attention...

_Reverto Somes ut Vita_ was a spell spoken about in a grand total of three books that the Potter Heir had read. It was specifically created to take a body, alive or dead, and return it to its previous state. The only problems with the Dark Spell were that it drained the caster's physical energy in order to work, it took quite some time to complete (three minutes to completely re-build the body of a 5-year-old child that had been burnt to ashes, one book claimed, which was like a lifetime for the average wizard), and it had a tendency to reflect certain traits of the caster onto the target and visa-versa. Harry quickly decided the spell was crucial if he were going to save Hidan and memorized it despite the risks. He predicted they would be well-worth it in the end, anyway.

Another two weeks were needed to prepare the spell itself, and it was close to the end of those two weeks that Hidan contacted Harry with the admission he was dying and faint inklings of an idea to sever the link, thereby killing himself, in order to spare his precious Jashin-sama. Harry refused to allow him to do such and even as he spoke to the immortal, he felt an idea forming in his mind...an idea that resulted from the reminder that he would not survive well within Hidan's world without some form of protection...

Another three days passed as Harry gathered everything into his bottomless bag and said his final goodbyes—to his material possessions and the portraits recovered from various places of his godfather, his werewolf quasi-uncle and his wife, his parents, and his grandparents on his father's side. Everyone else received letters that were given to various owls with strict instructions not to fly out until Harry was gone for good.

The only goodbye said in person was to Harry's dear godson, Teddy Remus Lupin, and his godson's grandmother. Teddy had given him a wide, toothy grin and played for a few hours before drifting off into a nap, leaving Harry with a warm feeling and a tugging at his chest.

"Are you sure you have to go?" Andromeda Tonks quietly asked after Harry tucked Teddy into his bed. Harry, standing just in front of the door in his favorite black duster, sighed lightly and ran a hand through his messy hair in an attempt to somewhat calm it.

"I am," he admitted in a low voice of his own. "I'm sorry, Andromeda, but...someone needs my help."

Andromeda's lips quirked up in a wry grin. "You and your damned hero complex. Nymphadora always said that was how you would go...I distinctly remember Remus agreeing more than once, as well."

A slight, sorrowful smile alit to Harry's face, and he leaned his head forward to hide his sad eyes from the elder woman. "Take good care of Teddy, won't you? And make sure to take good care of the Black, Potter, and Prince Family Vaults."

Andromeda nodded slightly. "Of course I will, Harry," she assured the young man before gently giving him a hug. Harry carefully returned it, closing his eyes and giving in to the motherly warmth Andromeda provided, before reluctantly pulling away. He didn't say anything more before he stepped off the stoop, gave a final wave to Andromeda, and glanced up at the window holding his godson before Apparating back to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black.

The last thing he saw before leaving were bright golden eyes and a tuft of neon blue hair.

-Wrath of Jashin-

A mere hour after his final goodbyes, Harry stood in the middle of the Black Ancestral Library, runes freshly carved on the ground and over a good portion of his body under his robes. Phineas watched from his painting as Harry winced from the feeling of his shallow wounds slowly dripping blood, doing a final check of his belongings.

"So, Theodore Remus will be taking over your position as the Head of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black?" drawled the ex-professor with a sense of mostly-false distaste. Harry had the brief thought that it was a bad sign when he could tell when Phineas was faking his emotions or not before shaking his head to clear it away.

"That's right, as soon as he comes of age," Harry agreed, drawing the string of his rucksack shut. He had gone with an olde-style approach mostly due to Hidan's description of how his world worked, since although it had similar technology at its core such as televisions and radios, the world was still rather behind on the times. He didn't want to draw attention to himself...well, more than he would when walking around with a much taller albino super-ninja and wielding a non-lethal-looking stick in battle. "Until then, you're just going to have to deal with McGonagall and Andromeda running the place."

He paused, then glanced up. "Is that all right with you?" he asked with none-too-little amusement. Phineas scowled and made a comment about 'impudent whelps' before leaning his head forward just slightly under the pretense of checking the hem of his cloak. Harry smiled faintly at the common response. "Good."

For a moment, Harry just stood in the middle of his rune circle, looking one last time at his familiar surroundings. It was likely that this would be the last time that he ever saw anything of this world.

Phineas's drawling voice brought Harry from his thoughts, casually asking, "Having second thoughts?"

Within Harry's mind, Hidan was talking about nonsensical things and complaining loudly of boredom while cursing to the heavens despite knowing how much Harry hated it. Everything from Kakuzu dying to Pein refusing to get him out to Harry for being an idiot was fair game, not to mention a couple grumblings about how bad it was when Hidan actually _wanted_ to be able to piss even though he technically didn't have to.

Annoyance lit up and Harry semi-harshly commanded Hidan to shut up. Hidan snarked back that he didn't have to. Harry pointed out the pointlessness of complaining. Hidan promptly went on a long tangent complaining about the fact that he couldn't even complain anymore without getting yelled at.

A smile curled up the edges of Harry's lips. "No," he quietly assured Phineas, closing his eyes in contentment as his magic curled around the room, slowly activating the runes and thus the spell. "Not at all."

And as the magic of the runes activated, the last thing Harry saw before the light engulfed him was the sight of Phineas's smug smile.

-Wrath of Jashin-

It was a heart-stopping minute when Harry could not sense Hidan. The only reassurance that Hidan was still alive was the slight, languid drain on his magic that continued, but Hidan's presence itself seemed gone. Harry felt cold as he stared into a blinding whiteness all around him, missing the warmth of another mind constantly brushing against his own, missing Hidan more than he thought he would.

When Harry re-appeared in the middle of an overcrowded forest, standing nearly on top of a pile of dirt with strange grasses just beginning to grow out of it, he was needless to say stunned into silence.

Had it worked?

Hidan's voice suddenly blared in Harry's head louder than ever, shouting half-hysterical curses and questions of whether Jashin-sama was fine, and what the fuck, he _knew_ this was a bad idea, why didn't He listen, seriously!

_Hidan, I'm fine!_ Harry loudly thought back. Hidan fell suddenly silent, Harry taking a deep breath before a smile slowly twirled the corner of his mouth. _And...it worked._

_"...are you fucking serious?"_ Hidan thought incredulously. Harry's slight smile widened smugly.

_Of course I am. It worked perfectly, just like I said it would._

_"..."_ was Hidan's intelligent response. Harry merely gave a slight mental chuckle before he carefully inched his way around the large pile of dirt before him.

_You said you were buried in a forest in the Nara lands...about how large was the hole?_

_"How the fuck should I know?"_ There was no bite to Hidan's question, and Harry patiently waited until the elder man gathered his thoughts. _"...seven feet or so. A little wider."_

Glancing down at the pile of dirt and barely-forming grass, Harry felt himself smirking faintly. Pulling out his wand, he pointed it at the once-hole and shouted, "_Confringo_!"

The dirt exploded outward spectacularly in the face of the Blasting Curse, sending dirt and cloth and other things flying all over the area. Only Harry was saved from the destruction due to the mild protection spell on his clothes, put there to prevent love spells from his fans actually affecting him. (They were actually spelled on after the first successful casting. Luckily, Hermione was there to stop him from doing anything stupid, although she teased him about it for quite some time...)

Two flashes of magic caught Harry's attention and with reflexes that came from being a Seeker he quickly caught the thick metal thing that went flying by his face. He blinked in mild surprise when he saw the symbol vaguely resembled that of the Deathly Hallows, only with the triangle inside of the circle and a rather too-thin line trailing down the middle. But it was the faint pulse of magic that truly made Harry study the pendant, because he could distinctly feel not only his own signature, but another as well. That of—

"Fucking _hell_, are you shitting me? ! What the fuck was that! ? !"

Harry whirled on his heel in surprise and turned in the direction of the other magical flash. In front of him now was a head that was unattached from a body lying on its side, silvery-white hair that would be a little longer than shoulder-length flying about and hiding the face, which was making sputtering noises. So it was an alive unattached head.

...

"Hidan," Harry dryly decided to himself, carefully inching his way around the hole and keeping his ears perked for any sign of someone coming to investigate. Sure, he was doubtful he could actually hear such a thing considering the fact that ninjas were supposedly impossible to detect, but at least it made him feel better about himself.

The head had become mysteriously silent when Harry spoke the name of his sole trusted follower, and when he came around the front of it he was locked in a gaze of suspicion/curiosity/slight hopefulness. But Harry was too busy being blown away by the head's rather attractive masculine features, including a face that belonged on Adonis featuring most notably slightly narrowed purple-pink eyes, high cheekbones, and lips that were either thin naturally or with anger.

Harry was struck into silence for quite a few moments, watching as the head swung its gaze up and down (side to side for the head) his body before landing on his face with noticeably more suspicion and a bit more hope.

"Hidan," Harry finally repeated, kneeling down and tilting his head so he could look the dismembered one dead in the eyes. A slight, fond smile twirled the corners of his lips even as Hidan continued to stare at him with narrowed eyes. "My most faithful follower."

The eyes widened in shock and Hidan opened and closed his mouth a few times. When he finally spoke, his tone was awe-filled and reverent, his voice itself barely a whisper.

"Jashin-sama..."

And the man once known as Harry James Potter smiled.

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (1-3-12): ...wow, guys. just...wow. the response to this story has been incredible and makes me smile so much! i checked my email just an hour after posting the story, and _already_ there were alerts and favorites and a nice little review. as a reward for your guy's epic encouragement, i decided to update a few days earlier than plan and give you guys the next chapter! thank you again, everyone, and please review this chapter and let me know what you think! ^.^ the next chapter is planned to be up at the end of this month. review lots until then (maybe i'll reward you guys again if i'm motivated enough!) and i hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! :D


	3. Episode Two Earth Grudge Fear

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

-.-.-.-.-

**Episode Two - Earth Grudge Fear  
><strong>_"Money can't buy you happiness...  
><em>_But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."  
><em>-Spike Milligan

For the first time in his rather lengthy life (well, that he could think of off the top of his head, anyway), Hidan found himself shocked speechless. He was staring into a face that he honestly had never pictured on his Master and God, despite the description Jashin-sama had pessimistically given when he was bored enough to ask.

Jashin-sama's face was a mix of aristocratic and soft features, with a long nose, high cheekbones, and naturally arched eyebrows for the aristocratic parts and smooth skin, a filled-out (in a healthy, not fat way) face, and large eyes for the softer areas. He had rather messy black hair about the length his own had once been, although his had a tendency of lying perfectly flat rather than all over the place like his God's, and brilliant green eyes that seemed to bore into Hidan's soul without meaning to despite the thin-framed black oval glasses before them, sharply contrasting paler-than-healthy skin.

"Jashin-sama," Hidan could only think to say again, all too aware of the dirt in every bit of himself visible, his bloodshot eyes, his dried-out skin and mouth...holy shit, he was in no state for Jashin-sama to look at him! Yet Jashin-sama just continued to watch, that slight smile in place as He crouched before Hidan, looking for all the world like they were meeting in a bar with Hidan in perfect condition on a friendly visit.

Then, of course, anger appeared and Hidan snarled. "Holy fuck, Jashin-sama, what the _hell_ are You _doing_ here! ? Didn't I tell You to stay the fuck away? ! This shithole's completely different from the world You described to me, and—WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! ? ! !"

A slight smirk in place, Jashin-sama had reached over and righted Hidan's head so his severed neck was resting down, barely supporting the head itself. The black-haired God then carelessly crossed His legs in a meditation style and rested His chin on His palm, the elbow of which was resting on His knee.

"Sorry, but it was hard to take you seriously when you were talking sideways," said He rather nonchalantly, a spark of mischief in His bright eyes. "You were saying...?"

On its own, Hidan's anger deflated and left in a whoosh of air. If he had any doubt this Man was Jashin-sama before, it was gone now. Only his Lord could do that without any conscious effort...or maybe some conscious effort. Hidan wasn't quite sure, although he was hopeful it was the former, because if Jashin-sama knew of this power...well, he wasn't sure what would happen, but it probably wouldn't be good.

"Never mind," Hidan irritably muttered, eyes re-narrowing after they had widened when Jashin-sama's long-fingered hands came towards him. When Jashin-sama merely tilted His head, clearly amused, Hidan scowled. "I was just saying that there's no fuckin' way You'll survive in this world without protection, Jashin-sama, especially with how weak our Link is right now...not that I'm doubting Your power."

The hastily added ending caused Jashin-sama to roll His eyes, dropping His arm and merely quirking a brow at Hidan. "How many times have I told you, Hidan? Speak your mind and stop giving me petty complements. I'm not going to kill you for pointing out nonexistent flaws in my plan."

Hidan fumed silently, glaring at Jashin-sama, but didn't speak as the God reached forward and gently picked up his head, His palms on Hidan's cheeks and His fingers tangling themselves in his nasty hair. The green-eyed God then tilted His head slightly, seeming to inspect Hidan with His deep gaze lingering on the slight trail of an esophagus from the bottom of Hidan's poor head (he hated it when he had his head cut off with good reason, dammit!) before nodding to Himself.

"Right," Jashin-sama quietly said before lifting up Hidan's head slightly higher. When He spoke next, it was clearly to Hidan, a note of part-amusement and part-apprehension in His voice. "Prepare yourself, my dear follower. This is my first time doing this spell...it may hurt a little, but if I screw it up, I'll just detach your head again and reset the experiment."

"What?" was all Hidan could say, a little furious, but mostly flabbergasted. Before his thoughts could arrange themselves, Jashin-sama shifted His grip so He could balance Hidan's head on one hand without touching his falling-out innards and pulled out a long, thin stick from His clothes which was then pointed it at Hidan.

"Reverto Somes ut Vita."

There was a split-second pause before a strange energy not unlike the kind Hidan often felt whenever his life "ended" seemed to course through him. He watched, slightly wide-eyed, as the ground and bits of debris around he and Jashin-sama quivered before parts seemed to detach themselves and fly towards him. It wasn't until he saw what he thought was an elbow that he realized these were parts of _himself_ flying and re-attaching together in the vague shape of a body, with notable gaps.

After all the chunks were in place, however, Hidan could see bone and muscle and eventually skin forming over the empty spaces from seemingly nothing, and soon he found himself standing slightly crouched in front of Jashin-sama, eyes wide and Jashin-sama's hand still holding his chin and neck. But as he watched, Jashin-sama's eyes flickered and He began to sway, letting out a low moan before He began to fall. Hidan quickly caught the only Man he had ever pledged himself to by the arms.

"Seems...I ov'rdid't..." mumbled Jashin-sama with a slight smirk up at Hidan. The albino blinked, unable to reply for the about third time in his life, and Jashin-sama's eyes flickered shut. "'M...run...nin'...out...a..."

And then Jashin-sama was unconscious in His so-trusted follower's arms.

-Wrath of Jashin-

It was a little over four hours later that Jashin-sama regained consciousness. Hidan had spent that time finding a semi-decent place to keep himself and his Lord, eventually deciding on a desolate one-story three-room house with a single, lonely-looking old man residing within it that Hidan promptly killed. The rush of energy associated with this ritual caused Hidan to sigh with relief, watching as Jashin-sama's abnormally pale face gained the slightest bit of color, before setting up his God on the old man's couch.

After cleaning up the corpse (which seemed rather peaceful...apparently the old man was looking for death; that sometimes happened with Hidan's sacrifices, although not even he was sure if the desire to kill those people was on purpose or not), Hidan took the chance to take a nice, long, hot shower in the man's small bathroom. The bathroom itself was slightly mildew-y, but getting the dirt off for the first time in what felt like years was a miniature heaven for him. Actually...for all he knew, it could have been years. He'd have to find out the date later.

By the time Hidan was out of the bathroom and found some clothes—that amazing technique Jashin-sama had used brought his body back nicely, but didn't do the same for his clothes, although he was fairly sure Jashin-sama had been too out-of-it to notice—two hours had passed. So Hidan took up vigil over his Lord, taking note of everything he could like the fanatic he freely admitted he was.

Because holy shit, this was his _GOD_ laying right in front of him, in the flesh, giving him a body and life back for only partly-selfish reasons. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. This was...beyond unbelievable. There just weren't words for what Hidan was feeling right then. Luckily, Jashin-sama letting out a noise and slowly opening His eyes distracted the albino from those thoughts.

"Hi...dan?" muttered Jashin-sama, eyes slightly glassy before twisting around. Hidan was next to his Lord in an instant, gazing with concern he had only shown for himself and his partner before. Soon, those bright green eyes focused and Jashin-sama blinked behind His glasses. "You're...awfully close."

Hidan scowled. "You almost fuckin' die, give me a damn heart attack, and all You can say is 'you're awfully close'! ?" he half-shouted. Jashin-sama soon became amused again, turning His gaze to the ceiling.

"Right, stupid question." Slowly, Jashin-sama pulled Himself into a sitting position, hissing slightly and shaking His head once as if there was an insect flying about. Then He turned His attention to Hidan, gaze raking over his body. "So then, it worked?"

"Your stupid trick?" There was a pause as Jashin-sama raised an eyebrow, but remained silent, encouraging Hidan to go on. "Yeah, I guess. But it's really fuckin' twisted, seriously. Do You have any idea how damn _weird_ it is to be able to move again after two months or whatever? ?"

"Quite weird, I'd imagine," noted Jashin-sama with a slight smile. His deep emerald eyes scanned Hidan's body much more slowly, causing Hidan to scowl slightly as he folded his arms over his chest, but he didn't complain. A noise of amusement escaped Jashin-sama when He examined Hidan's hair. "Ah. Seems you received the Potter genes for bad hair."

Hidan blinked, feeling slightly stupid. "What?"

Jashin-sama didn't answer right away, twisting His body so His feet were resting on the floor and barely giving His now-bare toes a second glance (you didn't honestly expect Hidan to just leave on his God's boots while He was sleeping, did you?). He waited until He had eye contact before going on, His soft but firm voice steady when He spoke.

"The spell I used on you," He explained finally, "is known as _Reverto Somes ut Vita_, or the Body-Reforming Spell. It literally re-builds the target's body from scratch if need be, from what pieces remain, or some mixture of the two. It can be used for people both dead or alive...returning them to whatever state the recipient last remembered being in when in their prime. Or, if a child, when they were mutilated or killed. But there are side-effects..."

"What sort of side-effects?" Hidan asked, frowning slightly as he thought of the side-effects listed for the Spell of Jashin he had used so long ago. Clearly, his Lord was speaking of other side-effects, but he hadn't noticed anything different...

Jashin-sama seemed both amused and drained. "The castor being drained physically instead of mentally, and a mild trade-off of traits between the castor and the recipient. It would seem that you received my tendency towards messy hair."

Hidan's hands were instantly in his hair, and he incredulously ran them through the too-long stands that felt tangled even though he hit no knots on the way down. Then he made a noise of disbelief and gazed at Jashin-sama with slightly wide eyes that quickly narrowed.

"You ruined my hair!" he whined. Yes, he was whining—he fully admitted to it—but _damn_, he _liked_ his hair! Now he'd have to use hair gel if he wanted it like normal!

Jashin-sama chuckled quietly, smiling at Hidan when he turned. "It doesn't look so bad," He soothed. "Just leave it. You look fine."

Hidan grumbled, but didn't say anything more on the subject. The two stood/sat in silence for a long moment.

"…Jashin-sama," Hidan slowly said as a memory sprang back to his mind. "I've gotta question."

"Go on," encouraged Jashin-sama, quirking His eyebrow. Hidan didn't hesitate to do as commanded.

"When You first said You were coming here, You said somethin' about other people joining...Jashinism, I guess. What'd You mean?"

Jashin-sama blinked twice, then gave a slight, wry smile. "You're worried I'd replace you, hm?" Hidan sputtered for a few moments, but Jashin-sama merely chuckled before holding up a hand to silence the albino man. "I promise, my faithful Hidan, I will _never_ replace you, no matter what either of us may say or do. Believe me when I say that."

Still silent, Hidan only stared at his God, eyes minutely wider than normal. He preferred to pretend that Jashin-sama didn't notice. "But what I meant," continued He, "is that I recently discovered a less potent version of the spell you used to connect us as well as _Reverto Somes ut Vita_ and, thanks to my status as Master of Death, a spell that would allow myself to bring willing Souls back from Beyond the Veil."

Since he had only processed bits and pieces of that statement as it was being said, it took a few moments for Hidan to respond. "Then...You're going to recreate the bodies of dead people and offer them to join Jashinism in exchange for their lives?" summed up Hidan, staring incredulously at his God. Jashin-sama nodded, twice, then continued His explanation.

"Basically, yes, but not just any 'dead people', Hidan. I was debating for a while when looking up these theories, and I decided...perhaps...only those you have told me before you trusted. Those few you've said you would entrust your own life to. Those you've mentioned before...the Akatsuki, your pseudo-family."

Hidan's body visibly stiffened as Jashin-sama proved to once again shock him more than any other being—or Being—ever could. He wasn't quite sure if it was the fact that Jashin-sama had listened to his rants intensely enough to know how he had felt about the Akatsuki, or that the Man was so sincere in His decision, or that the whole plan was in existence...but Hidan was unable to respond for a long couple seconds, which turned into a minute, which eventually turned into four minutes. But Jashin-sama's unending patience was in play, and He simply waited, seemingly amused and intrigued as He stretched His own body and apparently took note of how it was working after the ritual.

Then, suddenly, Hidan said in the most humble and quiet voice he had used since the death of his original family many years ago, "Thank You, Jashin-sama."

A slight, knowing, calm smile was his only response.

-Wrath of Jashin-

After gaining all of the information from Hidan, Jashin-sama gazed at him for a long moment. He was obviously deep in thought, probably thinking through everything Hidan had told (and at times re-told) Him, while Hidan watched anxiously. Then, slowly, Jashin-sama smirked a smirk that would be positively bone-chilling to anyone other than Hidan.

"I think this plan will be fine," said He, nodding thoughtfully. "Especially seeing as he's the closest. We'll work on the others later."

"The bastard's going to fuckin' hate that we're rescuing him, seriously," Hidan noted with a smirk in place as he wistfully thought about their rescuee's reaction. Jashin-sama chuckled lowly and shook His head.

"Perhaps at first...but I'm sure our offer will make him rather quickly change his tune. Now, you said you sensed his chakra where, exactly, again?"

That minor conversation had been two nights ago, and now Hidan was under a near-untraceable not-genjutsu that Jashin-sama had placed upon him that simply changed his hair, skin, and eye color, yet seemed to disguise his features quite well despite the apparently-minor changes. There was a tingle of a strong sort of chakra over the whole thing, yet no one else seemed to sense it, making Hidan secretly stunned. What sort of jutsu was his God capable of using, to have such high chakra-output and hide it from the highest ranking of shinobi with a flick of the long, thin stick He carried, a single soft spoken foreign word, and a brief, knowing smile?

Jashin-sama was silent next to him, undisguised other than a pair of sunglasses that He created from His normal ones, flashing in the light and hiding His perfect eyes from view. Hidan wasn't happy about that in the least; his God's eyes held a certain power even behind those annoying normal glasses, and hiding them made Hidan want to rip the sunglasses off His face, if he wasn't aware that wouldn't end well for anyone. As if reading his thoughts, Jashin-sama turned just enough to look at him and give the shadow of a wink, just barely visible through the tinted lenses Hidan had just been cursing.

_"The mental link is still open,"_ His thoughts filtered through Hidan's mind, causing the Being's follower to stare before his face heated up. He refused to acknowledge the fact that face-heating was a sign of a blush and merely made a noise of annoyance, turning away from Jashin-sama pointedly; a quiet chuckle escaped his God, but He said nothing otherwise.

"Which direction is the shop, again?" asked Jashin-sama aloud, gaze resting upon Hidan once more. Hidan paused a moment to gather his senses and eventually found the faintest of chakra signatures from—

He cursed lightly. "The direction of the Tower," he grumbled with a glance at Jashin-sama that barely hid his worry. _I told You this was dangerous, Jashin-sama!_ he mentally snarled. He received another amused glance for his trouble, but no mental response. _The fuckin' Hokage Tower, seriously! ! ? You just want to kill me, don't You! ? And don't give me that bullshit about how I can't fucking die, You Ass, because I swear to You if You do we'll test if the immortality goes both ways!_

_"It's already been proven,"_ Jashin-sama responded with none too little amusement. Hidan cursed aloud this time, ignoring the angry look he received from a ninja-mother with a baby in her arms for his words that eventually shifted into confusion before she rushed away, and instead gave his God a pointed/angry look. _"Stop that. If you keep glaring at me, your face will freeze that way."_

Hidan's glare stopped short and turned into a blink of confusion. _What the fuck? Someone said that, seriously?_

Aloud, Jashin-sama laughed, again earning the pair curious looks from a few passersby. Hidan briefly processed an intrigued/shocked look he received from a dark haired young girl that ran away in the same direction the ninja-mother had before hurrying just slightly. Jashin-sama followed suit and flashed Hidan a curious/worried look.

_I think I've been recognized._

In the instant it took to think that thought, Jashin-sama's expression hardened and He nodded, ducking into a nearby alley with Hidan following. The shorter of the two had the thin stick He carried out in an instant and flicked it, changing the coloring on Hidan again and making him look more like he was a Kiri civilian before flicking it towards Himself, changing His previously bright-colored shirt and odd pants into a plain black robe-like garment over loose black pants tucked into boots not unlike the ones that were standard-issue for Akatsuki members, without the annoying white cloth that was attached to Akatsuki ones.

"We have to hurry; this won't fool them long," said Jashin-sama quietly and firmly. Hidan nodded and the two were soon walking at what was a brisk pace for a civilian, making their way towards the Tower. They arrived in front of the Tower, staring up at it with false wonderment, just as a few ANBU flickered into view for a brief moment on the roof nearest the high window. The expert ninja-trackers disappeared before Hidan could get a good read on their chakra levels or anything similar.

_Shit, they sent out the ANBU,_ snarled Hidan mentally, outwardly shooting Jashin-sama a quick glance that didn't hold any worry, dammit, because who needed to worry about their God? ?

"Which way from here?" Jashin-sama asked aloud, catching Hidan's gaze steadily. It was only though years of shinobi training that Hidan was able to identify the faintest hints of panic within His mostly hidden eyes, causing Hidan's own panic to fade into nothing. He was the one familiar with this world, _his_ world, not his God; he had to take the lead role and guide Jashin-sama to safety while ensuring He received whatever He desired in the process.

"This way," Hidan said simply, turning and walking to the right with Jashin-sama following close behind. Another shinobi flew by, this one a regular ninja who was about jounin level judging by the lack of chakra signature and smoothness of his movements, but neither Hidan nor Jashin-sama did more than give the man a curious glance just as any regular civilian would.

A few feet further, and Hidan suddenly grabbed Jashin-sama's arm with a gentle but firm grip, yanking Him into the doorway of a seemingly-abandoned house. Jashin-sama merely glanced in his direction as if this were an everyday occurrence.

"This way, then?" Jashin-sama queried. Hidan rolled his eyes at his God's nonchalance even as he nodded, leading the way towards the back of the room. He paused there, eyes scanning the wood wall, then suddenly reared back and kicked it down to reveal a lonely, narrow, long stone staircase that led deep into the ground.

"Hello, Jet Li," Jashin-sama said with a quirky smile, shaking His head when Hidan gave Him a confused/bemused/doubtful look. "Nothing. Down these stairs, I suppose?"

Jashin-sama made a move like He was going first, but Hidan quickly cut in front of Him without a word, giving the shorter Man a pointed glare as if daring Him to object. But of course Jashin-sama didn't, merely smiling knowingly at Hidan with a brief chuckle.

"Shut up," the albino muttered as he started down the steps, Jashin-sama casually following. The walk-jog down the stairs was silent other than their footsteps, Jashin-sama's noticeably louder than Hidan's likely due to lack of shinobi training. The stairway was long and steep; more than once Jashin-sama stumbled lightly, although with amazing luck He never fell (thank, er, Jashin-sama, or else Hidan would have died of a heart attack before they even reached their destination).

A dim light finally showed the bottom of the stairs and the duo found themselves stopping short at the sight that met them. The place looked like it had once been a medical lab before being transformed into a torture chamber, with corpses in various states of decomposition lying on tables, in cages set into the wall across from the door, separated into jars and labeled with clinical neatness. Large freezers presumably holding more bodies were pressed against another wall to their left, while to their right was a series of desks and a door likely leading deeper into the facility. It was like something out of a nightmare, bad enough to make even Hidan grimace.

"So much for the fuckin' 'perfect' Konoha image," he muttered, eyeing the rotting corpse closest to him in disgust. Jashin-sama was silent for a long moment.

"Where is he in this…place?" asked He wearily, sounding like He was trying to bite back comments at the site of so much horror; Hidan quickly focused again before drifting closer to the door. He stopped at the last table and flinched despite himself.

Jashin-sama quickly followed, keeping His gaze pointedly turned away from the majority of His surroundings, only to look further green at the sight of their target's dead body.

"Ugh," grunted He, reaching up and covering His mouth as He took a step back from the table. His voice was muffled by His hand when He next spoke. "Wha'th' hell'd'ey do t'im?"

"He had a Kinjutsu that the fuckers probably wanted to exploit," Hidan said. He sensed his God's eyes on him, but didn't care; he was _pissed_ beyond fucking BELIEF to find the man in this condition. Jashin-sama clearly sensed that and visibly calmed Himself, turning to examine the body again. A lone finger reached over to caress the silver band around His left index finger, coincidently (or not?) where Hidan previously wore his Akatsuki ring. The greenish-black stone set into the top, a bit cracked but otherwise well cared for, seemed to glow lightly.

"Let's see if this works," Jashin-sama quietly said more to Himself than to Hidan. Hidan jerked in surprise and turned wide eyes on his God, but was prevented from saying anything when Jashin-sama's right index finger rested suddenly on the stone.

The stone's glow intensified before travelling to the body before them, then floating next to it. A shape began to form, barely visible even to Hidan's sharp gaze, yet Jashin-sama seemed to have no problem seeing what to Hidan was simply a blob with two green orbs outlined in red that replaced eyes.

A faint smirk lit up Jashin-sama's features. "Hello, Kakuzu," He greeted casually, finger still resting on the stone.

Hidan's gaze snapped to the unrecognizable blob and widened, watching those green-red orbs narrow dangerously. A gruff voice echoed from the figure, just as faint to Hidan's ears as the shape was to his eyes, and he felt his jaw drop in shock as the unrecognizable figure of Kakuzu's Soul spoke to Hidan's dear God.

"Who are you."

His only immediate answer was Jashin-sama's widening smirk.

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (1-23-12): 0.o;; oh my jashin. i...wow. thanks, everyone, for the amazing reviews you've all given me! i've tried my best to respond to all of you (sorry anonomous reviewers) and hope i haven't annoyed you with that. it's just...i can't tell you how happy i am to know others enjoy my work this much. wow. i haven't gotten this good of a reception since that crap crossover i wrote between inuyasha and dragonball z! (DON'T READ IT UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR EYES TO BURN OUT OF YOUR HEAD.) i'm so happy i could cry! :,D ...but this note isn't just here to thank you all as i degrade into a blubbering mess. the main reason is because of the revelation in this chapter that harry can (theoretically) ressurect the akatsuki.

please note that not everyone will agree to the idea of pledging themselves to jashin, even if they come back to life in the process (in one specific plot-important example, the man won't do it simply BECAUSE he'd be brought back to the life). i want to know my reader's opinions on who should be inducted into jashinism and/or ressurected. two of them WILL return no matter what as they are important to the plot, but the rest are negotiable. i want to know your opinions on this partly for curiosity and partly because it might effect my ideas overall. there's a poll up in my profile asking who you want to see in here siding with harry-jashin and hidan. i really want to know your ideas.

ps-i received a question about what point in the series this is placed. it's going to be specifically mentioned either next chapter or the one after (i can't remember which), but i thought i'd let everyone know that the story's timeline begins just before pein's invasion of konoha and will end sometime after the death of kisame. how long after will depend a lot on how merciful i'm feeling toward konan...heeeeeeee. 0:-)


	4. Episode Three Escape the Leaf

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

-.-.-.-.-

**Episode Three ****–**** Escape from Leaf  
><strong>"_We are not retreating.  
><em>_We are advancing in another direction.__"  
><em>-Douglas MacArthur

Harry Potter, now known as "Jashin" to all but himself, would never admit just how damn nervous he was as he stared at the intimidating ghost-like figure before him. Taller than any he had ever seen at what was probably 6'8", covered in scars and thick black stitches that clearly showed the man had lived through many battles, with muscles that would have made Hulk Holgan envious and green eyes nearly glowing surrounded by blood-red sclera, Harry was inwardly shaking in terror. Luckily Hidan didn't appear to be paying attention to their link (no, the "immortal" was too busy staring in shock at the result of the Resurrection Stone's activation) or else he would have never heard the end of it.

And Hidan would have likely locked Harry in a small cell about 1,000 feet underground to prevent him from being harmed, but meh, Harry had been through worse…kinda. Maybe.

Yeah.

"I asked you a question," the intimidating, shadowy figure of what Harry assumed was Kakuzu repeated in his gravelly voice, those eyes becoming narrowed in repressed anger.

"Ah, right," Harry said with a single shake of his head. He plastered on his normal, quasi-confident smile, released the spell changing the appearances of both himself and Hidan, and gave a slight bow. "I am Jashin. You may have heard of me before…?"

The ghost-soul-man before Harry stared unblinkingly. Then he made a noise of disbelief.

"I am old and dead, not senile nor stupid," Kakuzu's soul said in a low drawl. "You are testing my patience, brat."

"You damned motherfuckin' miser, don't insult Lord Jashin-sama, seriously!" Hidan suddenly snarled, stepping up to hover menacingly over Harry's shoulder. The teen in question barely moved other than to shift so Hidan wouldn't accidently injure him if things got out of hand, unable to stop a small and amused grin from splitting his face. Kakuzu's eyes went wide, presumably in shock, and stared at Hidan for a long moment.

Then the eldest of the trio's eyes returned to their narrowed and suspicious state. "You are still alive, then. I had thought you were blown to pieces by the Nara child."

Hidan snorted and looked irritated. "I was."

Kakuzu's brow shot up and his lips and the stitches attached to them pulled down in a frown. "Then how are you here? Did Akatsuki gain a medic?"

"Fuck if I know," Hidan snorted again with a roll of his eyes. Then his gaze turned to Harry, who had to bite back a sigh of fond annoyance at the clear admiration within those purple-pink orbs. "Jashin-sama was the One who fixed me. Used some kind of weird-as-fuck jutsu and a stick and put me back together." Suddenly he scowled. "And He fucked up my hair."

"I used a spell," Harry lightly corrected, silently thankful his temper had evened out enough over the years that he didn't immediately and violently snap at how ungrateful Hidan was, "and I assume you'd rather your hair is, ah, 'fucked up' than being stuck in a hole dying slowly…"

Hidan ignored Harry other than a brief glance and continued his short quasi-rant. "But yeah, isn't the fact that He dragged your sorry ass outta Hell or the Shinigami or whatever enough proof He's Jashin-sama?"

Kakuzu didn't immediately respond in favor of staring at Harry with a silently appraising expression. Harry endured it with barely a flinch, gaze locked steadily on lighter green/bloody red.

"…why have you brought me back?" queried Kakuzu in a noticeably wearier voice. Although he wasn't sure if this meant the tall man accepted the explanation presented, Harry decided to answer honestly.

"Multiple reasons," he began, leaning back into Hidan's chest and ignoring the way his dear follower tensed slightly at the contact. The day had been long and keeping up so many spells was draining, plus the fact that he was possibly going to use _Reverto Somes ut Vita_ so soon after the last time made him weary (in the case of the last, it was mostly psychological fatigue, thank goodness).

"The first," continued he once he was comfortable, aware of the darkly amused gleam in Kakuzu's eye and the fact that Hidan was glaring at his ex-partner and silently daring him to comment on their position, "is because I am obviously not from this world. I am from another, in some ways similar to this one, but in many ways different. And as my most faithful follower, Hidan, has repeatedly pointed out, this leaves me at a grave disadvantage."

"In other words, you want bodyguards," Kakuzu doubtfully condensed. Harry nodded once in agreement and Kakuzu mulled this over for a moment before gazing at him in a way that signaled the reasons should continue to flow.

"The second is that I believe Hidan could benefit from someone who could keep him in line, other than myself."

Hidan sputtered, wide-eyed, while Kakuzu didn't bother to hide his pleased smirk. The teenager smirked back in knowing agreement.

"My other reasons branch off from these two. I have heard quite a lot about the Akatsuki from Hidan over the years and found myself intrigued. You, in particular, have caught both Hidan's interest and my own over the years with both your strength and your ability to fight toe-to-toe with an immortal without any substantial wounds. Add in your…what's it called…"

"Kinjutsu," Hidan supplied with only a faint grumble. Harry nodded in acknowledgement.

"Yeah, that. It's such a powerful ability and I believe it would benefit us greatly."

The ghostly soul was again silent and thoughtful. "And what do you plan to do about the fact that I'm dead?" the supposed miser asked with a challenging light to his eyes.

Harry couldn't stop the smirk rising to his face if he wanted to, and since he didn't want to in the first place…well, no problem then.

"There's a spell I know that attaches a soul to its original body," he casually said. Kakuzu's eyebrows drew together skeptically.

"And the fact that it's in…_this_ condition?" he queried with a sneer at the slightly rotted and definitely mutilated remains of what was once his body.

"There is a spell for that, as well, with only minor side-effects." Kakuzu's gaze was sharp and Harry continued with only the smallest of shifts, feeling his backrest—er, Hidan—shift in response. "Nothing other than a slight exchange of features. For instance, I used the spell on Hidan, and his hair merely became messier than normal."

As Hidan fumed quietly and muttered to himself about Harry's casual brush-off of what was, to him, a huge loss, Kakuzu seemed to ponder the suggestion. Harry merely watched him with eyes that he was sure hid his nervousness for the response and how said response would affect Hidan, _especially_ if it was in the negative.

"…what do I get out of this?" Kakuzu suddenly asked.

"The fuck, you greedy shithead? !" Hidan cried, reaching up and pulling at his hair with frustration even as he carefully prevented Harry from falling at the abrupt movement. "Is living seriously not enough of a reward for your materialistic ass! ? !"

"That was a big word, Hidan. I'm surprised you knew it."

A wordless shout escaped Hidan, but Harry's hand on his chest stopped him from moving and soothing feelings through their link visibly relaxed him. Kakuzu blinked at the reaction yet said nothing as serious green/red eyes turned to the youngest among them.

"Immortality," he said and smothered his smirk at the expression he earned. "Almost identical to Hidan's. And…"

This was the bit Harry had kept as an ace and, ever-so-carefully, he pulled out of his back pocket a small pile of Galleons.

Almost-90%-pure.

Gold.

Galleons.

Kakuzu's eyes brightened and the dollar/ryu signs practically blazed around and behind him. Even Hidan couldn't stop himself from gaping at what was, to them, a small fortune in Harry's hand.

(In wizarding-world-exchange terms, it was the equivalent of about £40/$80, by the by.)

"And I have even more, of course, assuming you want a monthly pay for your…services," Harry said with only the faintest air of smugness. The greedy ex-Akatsuki took only a few moments more to come to a solution.

"Alright," he said slowly, tearing his gaze away from the glittering gold that was promptly put back in Harry's pocket for safe keeping, "I will allow you to do what you must." Here, he paused. "…as long as I do not have to join your stupid religion."

"Fuck you," Hidan sneered. Harry was not nearly as offended and merely gave a brief shrug.

"For the immortality, you have to pledge to protect me and I to protect you if the other requests it, but otherwise you don't have to do any of the rituals Hidan insists on doing," he said casually, finally pulling away from Hidan's chest. "It just makes it easier for all of us to survive if you do."

Kakuzu looked like he was preparing to question this, but sudden blaring sirens from somewhere high above them interrupted the conversation. A curse instantly escaped Hidan's mouth and he jerked his gaze to the stairs, reaching back and pulling out his scythe as he crept toward the hallway.

"We'll have to hurry," muttered Harry aloud, setting aside the conversation now that he had Kakuzu's approval and carefully pulling out his wand. "Reverto Somes ut Vita!"

Since the majority of Kakuzu's body was already there, the spell simply began to repair the damage and revert his body to a younger age—but Harry soon realized the damage was extensive. He was already feeling magically drained and could see Hidan stiffen by the door before he was even halfway done, making him curse lightly.

_I need more life energy,_ he thought hurriedly to Hidan. The albino glanced over his shoulder, then suddenly turned back to the doorway, smirk twisting his face as he readied his weapon.

"Perfect timing, heathens," he nearly sang as a low-ranking shinobi burst into the room. Another quickly followed and both were dispatched without the normal fanfare Hidan went through, energy bursting through their link and visibly returning energy to both. The healing of Kakuzu's body quickened and was finished not even thirty seconds later—which was for the best, since Harry felt lightheaded. Hidan clearly sensed his weakness and gave a sharp glance over as Kakuzu's switched between staring at his newly-healed and younger body in shock and Harry's pale visage. "Jashin-sama…!"

Ignoring his follower's worry, Harry instead reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small switchblade that he quickly flipped open. Both of his observers moved to question what he was doing—

—only to be abruptly cut off when Harry stabbed his own thigh and hissed out a breath.

"THE FUCK? ? ! ?" shouted Hidan as he whirled on his heel, gaping like a fish at his self-proclaimed God as the fuzziness in Harry's vision disappeared.

"I can't pass out," was Harry's simple explanation as he pulled out the Elder Wand and carefully removed the Resurrection Stone's ring from his finger. Setting it on Kakuzu's chest, he prodded it with the wand before seeming to push it into the currently-lifeless body before him.

The spirit of Kakuzu vanished and at the same time his body snapped into a sitting position, Harry's wand moving back with him as wizened eyes snapped open. Harry had the time to note absently that Kakuzu's red sclera had faded to a normal white and the green of his eyes darkened to more of an emerald than a lime before sudden pain wracked his bicep.

With a cry, Harry started to collapse only for Kakuzu's arms to awkwardly wrap around and catch him, Elder Wand clattering to the floor. Hidan cursed but was distracted when more shinobi began to rush into the room.

"The…ring…" Harry managed to gasp through his pain, clenching his eyes shut as his leg and his arm throbbed in unison. Kakuzu blinked, looking at Harry like he had lost his mind, before he caught the faint glow of the Resurrection Stone out of the corner of his eye. He quickly scooped it off the table without questioning how it got there and hoisted Harry into his arms bridal-style, barely stumbling when he stood completely and moving to Hidan's side.

"We need to leave before more reinforcements come," the dark-skinned ninja said with a glance behind him. Hidan followed his gaze and quickly moved to grab the Elder Wand as Kakuzu started towards the stairs.

A cry escaped Harry at a huge burst of pain and he reached over to grip his bicep over where he blearily remembered the Basilisk had once given what should have been a killing bite. He could feel his skin shifting, changing through his clothes, twisting and straightening. Then the pain abruptly—stopped.

"Jashin-sama," Hidan fussed as Harry blinked his way back to awareness, blearily noting that while he was distracted the group had made it into the deceptively abandoned-appearing room/house and were hovering near the doorway. Hidan was making a remarkably spot-on impression of a worried Molly Weasley, complete with a dangerous glint on his face warning of future havoc as soon as they were clear of danger, while Kakuzu looked doubtful about his decision as he eyed the sweating teen with narrowed eyes.

"I'm…I'm fine," Harry breathed, shaking his head to rid it of the fuzziness and grimacing when he realized the knife was still imbedded in his thigh. It took a few seconds for him to completely recover and his gaze became steely when he glanced between the two shinobi criminals with him. "We need to get out of this village, preferably without any injuries…or at least deaths."

"Of us or the enemies?" Kakuzu asked slowly. Harry gave the miser a pointedly exasperated look.

"Us, of course."

Hidan let out a literal 'whoop!' of joy at the announcement and pulled out his best bloodthirsty grin, which would have made a lesser man piss himself in unholy terror. As it was, Harry rolled his eyes fondly and Kakuzu looked like he was sorely tempted to strike the zealot, but restrained himself (likely only because he'd have to drop Harry to do it).

"Let's fuckin' kill some nonbelieving Leaf heathens, seriously!" the albino cried with what many would view as far too much enthusiasm.

"If we can make it to the gates without you dying more than twice, I can Apparate us back to the cabin with little problem," Harry added more to Hidan than to Kakuzu. He received two queer looks until Hidan's eyes lit up in understanding.

"Oh, You mean that weird-ass teleporting thing. Like a _hiraishin_ only fuckin' painful."

Amused by the description, Harry nodded, making Hidan grumble in annoyance and Kakuzu quirk a brow curiously. "Pretty much, yes, but also less draining and much harder for the Leaf ninja to track."

Kakuzu opened his mouth to question that before closing it with a single shake of his head. "Fine," he said instead of whatever he was planning, "now get moving, Hidan. Konoha isn't quite stupid enough to not realize the patrols they sent here have yet to return to report."

_He's right, my dear follower,_ Harry mentally added in a soothing tone when it looked like Hidan was going to argue (likely just for the sake of arguing). _We need to leave, now_.

"Fine," Hidan snapped, moving to the door and opening it to the near-empty village, "let's fuckin' leave then!"

Without further ado Hidan and Kakuzu were off and running so fast that Harry thought he was going to be sick. It was disorienting to see the scenery go by so fast even though—or maybe especially because—he was in the relative safety of Kakuzu's arms and combined with the nauseating pain still pulsing from the knife still embedded in his thigh Kakuzu was honestly very lucky Harry had a naturally low tendency to hurl.

That tendency was tested even further, however, when Kakuzu jerked to a sudden stop. Harry briefly wondered how they hadn't gone skidding along the ground (what was that called again…friction or something?) before noticing why.

Standing before them were two people who were visibly stunned by the two famed "Missing Ninja" and their noticeably less ninja-like companion. One was a teenage-ish girl that distinctly reminded Harry of a young Luna Lovegood in her appearance, with long straight corn-blonde hair, faded grey-blue eyes, and an odd fashion sense (that was a LOT of purple and awkward fishnets for a ninja, wasn't it…?); the other was a teenage-ish boy with shiny black hair in a bowl cut, comically and tragically thick eyebrows, childishly wide eyes, and…also a weird outfit (a green jumpsuit under a green flak jacket and orange legwarmers; was it the '70s or something? ?).

"I-it's you!" the girl gasped in a gratingly high-pitched tone. Harry stared blankly at her stereotypical reaction as Kakuzu's grip tightened and Hidan gave his best bloodthirsty smirk, yanking his scythe forward again.

"Oohohoh, if it ain't that useless bitch with the mind powers," he jeered. "Surprised you're even still a ninja, bitchy-blonde. Woulda thought you'd quit after I sacrificed your dumbass of a sensei and nearly killed you and your bastard-boyfriend, too!"

Harry subtly flinched at the reminder of how cruel his follower and the others in this world could be, but refrained from commenting and otherwise reacting as he watched the girl teen's face turn red before paling rapidly in horror.

"Then the rumors are true!" shouted the green-clothed one in a flamboyant voice that for some reason reminded Harry rather distinctly of Peeves. "You must be Hidan, the un-youthful man who killed the son of the Hokage, Sarutobi Asuma! ! How is it that you have escaped death to darken the doorway of our so youthful and beautiful Konoha? !"

"He walked," Harry interrupted, deadpan. He had meant to stay silent, but dear Merlin, this kid's voice was giving him a migraine; he HAD to say something. This brought the Leaf-ninja duo's attention to Harry and his outrageously tall "escort" (if someone who was carrying him bridal-style could be called an escort) and the blonde literally shrieked this time, pointing in an even more dramatic and stereotypical faction.

"Y-y-you!" she said/stammered. Harry sweatdropped.

"Um. Me?"

"She means me," Kakuzu drawled, rolling his eyes skyward with faint annoyance. The girl regained her ability to speak and suddenly turned from stunned-to-near-fainting into pissed-off-to-the-point-of-comedic. Again.

1-27-12

"You died," she said, hissing with a remarkable impression of an angry Crookshanks, "I saw it! Naruto killed you with his Rasengan!" A sour look crossed Kakuzu's face, but the girl ignored/didn't notice it. "Lady Tsunade-hime—"

"Hidan," Harry interrupted the whiny girl, exasperated and annoyed. He switched to their mental link automatically when the man glanced over. _Shut her up, would you? I'm physically exhausted and barely have enough magic right now to Apparate us later. I just want to get back to the shack and go to bed._

Hidan smirked faintly, turning back to their opponents and once more raising his scythe. "Fuck yeah; I'll take care of these dumbass heathen children," he said with none too little glee at the thought of violence (Harry pretended not to notice/care).

"We may be children, but that merely means we have the Power of Youth on our side!" the green-clad boy shouted with a fist-pump and a wide grin that nearly blinded Harry more than he already was and made Kakuzu flinch slightly and glance away.

Hidan gave his best feral grin as he prepared to charge. "Your dumbass 'power of youth' is nothin' against the Power of Jashin-sama, whiny little leaf-bitch!"

Without further ado, Hidan leapt forward and nearly disappeared from Harry's vision due to his speed as the legwarmer kid did the same, noticeably without a weapon. The battle raged for a short period of time, but was intense; Hidan would swipe, the kid would dodge, the kid would try to retaliate without being cut by Hidan's scythe (apparently aware of his blood-based jutsu) before quickly retreating, Hidan would dodge if needed before going right back into the action. It went on like this for a little while before Hidan finally got his hit on the backsweep of his scythe.

"Ha~!" Hidan triumphantly shouted as the blonde gasped in that annoyingly feminine way and the boy automatically grabbed his bicep, where the slightest of cuts began to bleed. A twisted sense of pleasure alit to Hidan's face and he raised the tip of the topmost blade to his mouth, tongue darting out to slowly lick the small drops off and swallow it. His feet were already in the dirt tracing the familiar yet bastardized Deathly Hallow symbol from his pendant.

As Harry watched with sick fascination and disturbingly little horror, black and white began to leak across Hidan's skin, etching a remarkably detailed outline of the many bones in the human body upon his skin while the rest dyed itself black. A hand dived into the jacket he had insisted on wearing and yanked out a roughly carved wooden pike, which he held in front of his face, his irises bleeding into an eerie red to complete the connection between he and his young victim.

The youngster instantly lunged forward, obviously trying to force Hidan from his circle, but Hidan merely raised his pike before driving it into his leg just below his knee. His opponent cried out and dropped mid-step, blood seeping from the same spot Hidan had stabbed, and Hidan let out a disturbingly erotic moan of pure pleasure and only slight pain.

"It's been too long," he half-panted, crazed grin in place and a cackle following these words when the green-clad boy struggled to rise to his feet, "since my last sacrifice. The agony of your body and soul are _exactly_ what Jashin-sama needs for His power to increase!"

Kakuzu's now-deep-green gaze lowered thoughtfully to Harry, who felt curiously numb to the violence and watched silently as Hidan twisted the pike viciously before starting to drag it down his calf with agonizing slowness. He had forgotten how Hidan viewed their connection, how the forceful release of pain through harming others with this 'jutsu' worked as well as releasing pain with mercy-killings (although how a killing could ever be a mercy was as boggling to Harry as ever) or destroying a diseased limb or any number of other ways. Of course he had known somewhere in the back of his mind how torturous it would be for the victim Hidan's way, how ruthless and horrible it would be, but…it was so much worse to see in person rather than through their link…so…so much worse…

Especially, Harry dazedly continued along that train of thought as Hidan jerked the pike from his leg and cackled again before slowly digging it into the skin of his left bicep, as Harry felt the gradually increase of his magical and spiritual power from the technique. Once again he had always recognized to some degree that he and Hidan and, in the future, others gained power from the pain of others…the torture of others…now it was just…

"That's enough!" snapped Harry suddenly, making Hidan jerk in surprise and drag the pike down to the point that it nearly bisected his arm completely with a muffled curse. The albino turned to snap something, but paused upon seeing Harry's distantly disturbed disgust. The zealot's gaze softened with sad fondness and the red slowly began to drain back into familiar purple-pink.

"You're lucky Jashin-sama is feeling merciful," he barked at the pain-filled form of the young black-haired ninja—the young _boy_, barely a _child_, a seventh-year at the _very oldest_!—on the ground before scuffing out part of his symbol and stepping out of it. The blonde rushed to the green-clad boy's side in an instant, wide grey-blue eyes that seemed naturally hazy snapping to reality as she ran faintly glowing hands over his most grievous wound, the one down his arm that mirrored Hidan's unnaturally and probably rendered it useless for the rest of his life due to the many severed nerves, the likely shattered bone, the torn muscle tissue that Harry knew was there.

Hidan ignored the scene and began walk-limping toward the outskirts of the village once more, Kakuzu hesitating only a moment before following, Harry still in his arms. The trio was silent as they reached the wall, as Harry held out his hand for Hidan to tightly grasp, as other ninja began making their way toward them and Harry Apparated them back to the cabin.

He didn't bother to explain any more of the situation to Kakuzu. He didn't bother to wait for Hidan to explain. He didn't bother to inspect the spot he had felt so much pain in not so long before. He didn't bother to pull out the knife still embedded in his leg. He didn't even bother to take off his dragon-hide boots. He simply laid in the bed Hidan had insisted he had, exhausted in so many ways, and closed his eyes.

His night was restless, filled with nightmares of blood, of pain, of war, of black cloaks and green jumpsuits, of young muggles and old wizards and unfortunate ninjas, and of a pair of eerie unsympathetic serpentine red eyes that were suited to be on only the face of the murderer of hundreds of muggles and muggle-borns fading into the sad regretful not-quite-apologizing purple-pink of the one man who trusted and cherished him more than any other even while committing sins that would send any Soul straight to the depths Hell.

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (2-21-12): Once again, the response to this story has been staggering. The poll really put things in prospective; it seems you all are more likely to vote on that than simply review, but imagine my shock when I realize over 55 people (including myself ^.^;;) have voted on who they want revived in the future. Holy shit, guys. Once again, thank you! Obviously the first of the returnees have been revealed-and really, who didn't see Kakuzu coming?-and the next will make his decision in two chapters. On a related note, Itachi seems to have been voted on by everyone except five voters including myself...bit of fanservice wanted, anyone?

PS-I should really watch out for the fangirls of this story, lol. You guys might stab me for some future chapters involving various Akatsuki. 0:-)


	5. Episode Four For the Love of Jashinsama

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

Warning: Badly-drawn Casper ghost pops up and starts singing, "Exposition, exposition, talk shit out a, s, a-p~" (crickets chirp) (cough) Well, er, yeah. Lots of exposition ahead. Sorry y'all but it's gotta be done. But no worries, exciting stuff is coming soon!

-.-.-.-.-

**Episode Four ****–**** For the Love of Jashin-sama  
><strong>"_It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that  
><em>_most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused,  
><em>_not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad,  
><em>_but by people being fundamentally people__."  
><em>-Terry Pratchett

After the uncomfortable sensation of "Apparation" had passed, Hidan could only watch as his God made His way into the bedroom he had insisted He sleep in with a feeling of hopeless resignation. He knew Jashin-sama had grown up in a world without as much war or bloodshed, but he also knew Jashin-sama _had_ been in a war and a few battles, had seen people die including those He was close to, had even killed and been killed once (thank Jashin-sama it was only once, or else Hidan would have freaked out even more than he had). But despite the fact that He had seen war and even admitted to being the God of Death, Jashin-sama had a lingering innocence. Hidan worried he had destroyed that.

"Are you sure this _child_ is your beloved 'Jashin-sama'?" Kakuzu asked in a doubtful drawl, eyeing the closed door with a sour expression. Rage exploded and Hidan turned with a snarl, grabbing Kakuzu's throat and slamming the ever-so-slightly surprised ex-Taki nin against the nearest wall.

For a long moment, the two simply stared at each other, having a silent conversation with only their expressions:

(Hidan) Of course I'm sure you fucking miser!

(Kakuzu) Well I am doubtful…

(Hidan) I'm sure, dammit! !

(Kakuzu) Whatever.

(Hidan) Ugh! I hate you! ! !

(Kakuzu) I know, and I don't care.

"He is Jashin-sama," Hidan said in a dangerously soft voice, narrowing his own eyes on the changed ones of his long-time partner in criminal activity. Kakuzu was silent before slowly nodding, at which point Hidan dropped his bruising grip and without a backwards glance made his way to the bathroom. As soon as he was safely inside he put his fist in his mouth and let out a violent yet muffled scream of anger and self-loathing.

When he came out, Kakuzu was gone…somewhere, which Hidan found to be more than a relief as he dropped onto the couch. He buried his face in his hands and let out a long, low sigh before lying down and falling into an uneasy sleep.

-Wrath of Jashin-

The next morning Hidan awoke to the amazing smell of something being cooked in the kitchen/dining room (connected to the one he was in with only the change from worn carpet to cracked tile separating the two). His eyes pried open and he let out a low moan of pain, grimacing as his skin throbbed where his wounds from his latest ritual had lain the day before. He could tell they were healed already, as always, but what caught his attention was the fact that in the kitchen was his God…standing at the stove…making what looked like fried eggs.

Sitting up, Hidan gaped as he took in the scene of Jashin-sama dressed in an oversized T-shirt that was probably too big to fit even one of those guys from the fat clan in Konoha (Aki-something) and sweatpants, barefoot, listening to Kakuzu tell some sort of story about a past hunt for a bounty and sipping coffee.

"Oh, Hidan," Jashin-sama greeted with a faint but warm smile, turning and cutting Kakuzu off mid-sentence. "Good morning! Just in time for breakfast. Bacon's on the table already and I'm working on the eggs…"

Bewildered, Hidan cut his gaze to Kakuzu, scowling when the other shinobi was no help and merely smirked in amusement at his discomfort with a quirk of his brow.

Jashin-sama, of course, quickly caught this unease and Hidan could practically see Him deducing the reason behind His follower's perplexity. Then a slight, amused smile crossed His soft face. "Ah. You're wondering why I'm not crying in a corner over yesterday, aren't you, my dear follower?"

Hidan ignored the rhetorical question and simply sat at the table, snagging a few pieces of bacon absently. Naturally Jashin-sama was unfazed by what to anyone else looked like a ninja blatant snubbing an acknowledged superior. Very few would realize—none, if Hidan had his way, but he knew with Jashin-sama in this world that would be pretty fuckin' impossible—that it was only a man trying to hide his worry over one he deeply cared for.

(Best to not bring attention to the fact that you now know this, readers; Hidan might become a bit, ah, "upset" if he knew you knew. ;3)

Silence descended upon the kitchen for a few moments until Jashin-sama placed a huge plate of scrambled eggs on the table and a smaller one with a few fried ones directly in front of Himself.

"Hidan," said Jashin-sama, making a the albino glance over with an instinctive scowl. His God was unoffended and merely seemed a bit sadder than earlier. "I'm not angry and I'm not going to break down crying like a kid. What you did was a bit…shocking," Kakuzu muffled a snort behind his coffee and Hidan instinctively snarled (Jashin-sama ignored both), "to me, but I thought for quite a while last night and decided that I would have to get used to it sooner or later. After hearing about your rituals for years, the repulsion quickly dulled after seeing it in person. So don't worry." A familiar, comfortable, teasing grin crossed Jashin-sama's ethereal features. "I'm not going to disown you."

"I ain't Your damn kid," Hidan muttered with a moody stab at his (delicious) eggs and a scowl. But despite his words, relief flooded him at the knowledge that his Lord and God wouldn't abandon him or treat him any differently because of what He had seen.

There was a comfortable silence in the kitchen as everyone ate their fill, but when the dishes were in the sink and Kakuzu and Jashin-sama had fresh cups of coffee and Hidan begrudgingly accepted some tea the trio were ready for business.

"I think," Jashin-sama said quietly, gaze more on Kakuzu than Hidan as He spoke quietly, "it's time to explain some things, assuming you two are fine with that."

Hidan was slightly incredulous and gave his God an "of course!" look at the slightly stupid question (seriously, why wouldn't he be okay with whatever He wanted to do! ?) while Kakuzu (the disrespectful heathen) didn't even bother to respond verbally, only allowing his strangely single-color gaze to drift in Jashin-sama's direction. Jashin-sama was as cool as ever and merely smiled indulgently at Kakuzu even though Hidan had a faint, lingering desire to see his partner…ex-partner…_whatever_ be smite by the God he hadn't believed in for so long no matter what Hidan said.

"I would like to know more about this 'pledge' before we speak of anything else," the oldest of the trio said before Jashin-sama could continue to speak. Hidan narrowed his eyes silently, but didn't say anything, curious as to how his God would explain this…mostly because he didn't know, either. Jashin-sama had assured it wasn't the same Pledge he had taken but that was all He had said about the matter.

There was a pause as Jashin-sama gathered His thoughts, appraising the two with slightly gazed yet still brilliant green eyes.

"How to begin," Jashin-sama quietly muttered to Himself. A few more moments passed before He seemed to decide on a course of action, nodding slightly before turning His strong gaze on the near-identical one of Kakuzu. "The Pledge of Jashin—or the Spell of Jashin—is, at its core, a very strong and binding soul magic between two or more people with one being the 'Jashin' and one being the 'Follower,' if you will. It works by opening a…connection, of sorts, between the soul of the Jashin and his Followers, allowing them to mingle. There's a lot more to it, of course…"

Jashin-sama trailed off for a moment, gaze drifting toward Hidan and a fond smile quirking His mouth. "It's a give-and-take relationship, symbiotic, if you will," He continued. "The connection varies in intensity and the Spell's abilities change as a result. Its most basic form is simply a connection of two Beings' lifespans, replenished by releasing the pain of others—most commonly through the death of the pained. However, there are stronger forms of it that allow for more…abilities. For instance, my connection with Hidan is strong enough to allow us to share thoughts, images, emotions…even memories can be transferred between us if we so wish."

Kakuzu digested this as Hidan grinned cockily at the reminder of how strong and special their Connection was. Clearly catching this, Jashin-sama gave him an amused look, but if He was going to say anything He was stopped by Kakuzu's question:

"How…_intense_ would the connection you wish for us to create be?"

"That's up to you," Jashin-sama said casually, leaning back and taking a sip of His tea. "If you want to gain relative immortality instead of just a normal lifespan, a little stronger than the most basic of connections at least; if you want to replenish the link yourself, even stronger than that—otherwise you'll have to count on Hidan to make sure we can all be sustained;" (Kakuzu pulled a face and Hidan glared at him) "any more powerful and then we start getting into the mind magics of it. Of course, given your lack of, ah, 'devotion' to Jashinism, I don't think you'd ever get to the level me and Hidan share."

"Fuck yeah," Hidan said before he could stop himself. Neither of his companions reacted at all even as he mentally beat himself up for saying that aloud.

"And would Hidan and I also be 'connected' as I would be to you?" Kakuzu slowly asked. Jashin-sama tilted His head slightly.

"Well, no, not unless you want to devote yourself to him, too…or he wants to do that to you," said Jashin-sama. Hidan snarled warningly at Kakuzu while the miser looked faintly disgusted, Jashin-sama's mouth twitching as He hid the physical signs of His amusement. His (for now) sole Follower glared anyway for the emotions he could still sense.

Apparently deciding to hide his disgust far, far away, Kakuzu eyed Jashin-sama wearily. "So this would be a lifelong 'Pledge'." Jashin-sama nodded once. "…earlier you said I would have to pledge 'loyalty' to you. Is that part of it normally?"

"In the version we would be using, yes. Call it a fail-safe so you couldn't just rampage about in my name."

"Your idiot of a follower already does that enough for anyone," Kakuzu dryly said.

"Why the fuck're you pickin' on me, you heathen? !" snarled Hidan with a moody glare. "I haven't done shit!"

"Maybe not yet today, but you have in the past and will in the future."

Hidan sputtered and Jashin-sama chuckled.

"What did you mean when you said that I would have to 'replenish the link'?" asked Kakuzu suddenly, bringing the conversation back on topic.

"Ah," breathed Jashin-sama, closing His eyes. "Well." Another pause followed before emerald orbs opened again, Hidan noting with faint (super faint, seriously!) worry that Jashin-sama looked weary at the thoughts even though He'd earlier said He was over the idea of Hidan's sacrifices. "That's a bit more subjective. Perhaps the best way I've heard it worded is that the way to replenish the link, the energy source that would keep us all alive, is the 'forceful release of pain'. Anything from destroying a diseased limb to mercy-killings to even…harming others intentionally…seems to work."

"What about releasing mental or emotional pain?"

Jashin-sama seemed bewildered at the thought. "Oh. Um. Actually, I'm not sure. Theoretically it could work, I suppose, but as far as I know no one has ever tested it…"

Kakuzu merely nodded, apparently not expecting to learn much more than that. "What about that strange resurrection jutsu you used to bring my soul back and do…_this_ to my body?"

"Actually, those happened with two completely separate techniques," Jashin-sama admitted. Hidan could sense the pride his God had in these techniques and made sure to spend even more attention to this new bit of information which, for the most part, was still just as new to him as it was to Kakuzu. "The way I rebuilt your body was through a spell called 'Reverto Somnes ut Vita' or, translated, the spell 'Return the Body to Life.' It was created hundreds of years ago to take a body of someone dead or alive and 'return' it to a previous state. This state changes depending on intention, target, et cetera. For example, if I used it on a perfectly healthy child without a limb, it would recreate the limb and that's it; in your case, it repaired each individual cell and returned your body to its prime…your thirties, I think?"

"You mentioned a 'trade-off' for it to work, as well," Kakuzu pointed out while ignoring the presumed question to Hidan's gleeful amusement (mostly at the jokes he could now make at Kakuzu's expense). Jashin-sama was unphased by the sidestep.

"Yeah. It takes the physical energy of the caster to work, which is why I was so exhausted yesterday after I did it."

"I meant the physical changes I've observed…"

"I know," said Jashin-sama with a snarky grin. Kakuzu glared briefly and Jashin-sama chuckled again. "Yes, well, certain traits are traded off between the target and caster, yes. What traits exactly depend on how much is fixed, the individual…well basically the same traits as the spell's main affect. I barely had to do anything with Hidan, so he just got my family's tendency toward messy hair," Hidan scowled moodily at the reminder, "while it seems your eyes completely changed composition, color, whatever because I had to do so much."

"But the reverse is also true, correct?" queried Kakuzu. Jashin-sama nodded and Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "Then what traits have you received from Hidan and myself, if you don't mind me asking."

The idea hit Hidan hard and he turned to stare, wide-eyed, at his God. Jashin-sama didn't appear at all intimidated by the sudden attention even though Hidan felt His mind quiver slightly in surprise and faint unease.

"From Hidan, I have no idea," He admitted aloud after He got over His shock, "but from you it seems…" Here Jashin-sama drifted off before rolling up the sleeve of His shirt, baring His bicep to the duo. Hidan barely stopped himself from shouting in concern/surprise/anger when he saw a large scar that seemed to have come from something cylindrical being shoved through Jashin-sama's arm all the way through. But it clearly wasn't the scar itself Jashin-sama was talking about; no, it was what criss-crossed over the scar: thick, black stiches almost identical to the ones lining throughout Kakuzu's whole body and allowed him to use his Kinjutsu. "This, obviously."

There was a stunned silence as the ninja found themselves at a loss for words. Jashin-sama continued to speak in a slightly softer tone as He obviously sensed the tension in the kitchen. "I tried to make them move as I know you do, using everything from my energy to my mind to my emotions, but I guess it's purely superficial," said He quietly as He began to slowly roll down the sleeve again. "And even though I have other…troublesome healed wounds over my body, this is the only place where they appeared."

A hush followed these words before Jashin-sama took it upon Himself to steer the conversation gently but firmly back on track.

"As for your soul returning to this Realm…you can thank this."

A familiar, cracked ring settled on the table before Jashin-sama, innocently dull in the light. Kakuzu seemed to have partially recovered from his shock and eyed it doubtfully.

"This is known as the 'Resurrection Stone'," explained Jashin-sama further, looking with part fondness and part weariness at the ring. "It brings a soul back from Beyond the Veil, where Death lies, and allows the user to manipulate it as wanted. If used by someone who's not the Master of Death, it just produces a shade that will dissipate in a little while; if used by the true Master of Death it will bring the actual soul, seen and heard only by the Master and those connected to him through soul magics."

Hidan smirked proudly on behalf of his powerful God while Kakuzu looked thoughtful. Slowly, he asked, "What, exactly, is a 'Master of Death'? A Shinigami or His subordinate?"

"Shinigami?" echoed Jashin-sama blankly before recognition lit up his face. "Oh, you mean that Grim Reaper thing you guys consider a god."

"Don't lump me in with them," Hidan snapped irritably, scowling at the mention of the main religion in his world. Idiot heathens had no idea they were wrong no matter how many times he told them, that the one true God and Savior was before him right now, looking amused and surprisingly undisturbed as He listened to Hidan's train of thought.

'_Breathe, Hidan,'_ Jashin-sama soothed through their link. Hidan fumed for only a moment longer before carefully regulating his breathing in an effort not to break the table. "I suppose I could be considered a…subordinate, of sorts, depending on the point of view. I am still human at my core, after all."

A nod (Kakuzu) and grumblings of the definition of true Godhood (Hidan) met His words.

"You can bring back anyone with this technique?" Kakuzu probed carefully. Jashin-sama shook His head.

"There are limitations," He said. "I can summon any soul to speak to, but their time is _very_ limited and I cannot do anything with the soul without having a personal connection to them. I can't return a spirit to their body, have them join 'Jashinism,' or really anything unless myself or Hidan know them. Me because I'm the Master of Death and Hidan because we are so connected that his feelings of 'knowing' someone are transferred to me without any conscious thought or effort.

"I also can't summon spirits that have moved on or been reincarnated already or are at peace with their deaths. Well, I can summon them, but it would be more like if a normal person tried the Resurrection Stone."

"Why are you really reviving the Akatsuki," Kakuzu bluntly asked, making Jashin-sama blink and pause in surprise and Hidan stiffen for the same reason.

A long, tense silence descended.

"I already told you," Jashin-sama said evenly once He had recovered, honest confusion in His eyes as He watched Kakuzu narrow his own. "I need bodyguards in this world and your old organization has intrigued me, so—"

"That's not what I meant," interrupted Kakuzu impatiently. Jashin-sama obediently fell silent even as Hidan glared in warning, ready at any moment to cut Kakuzu's head off if he so much as slightly upset the Deity in the room. "I was talking more about your goals. Why revive the Akatsuki? Why come here in the first place?"

"Ah." Jashin-sama's voice was soft as He nodded absently. "I see. Well, that's easy enough to answer." A smile, more brilliant than any since early the day before, lit up His face. "It's because my Hidan was in trouble and I refuse to leave those important to me to just wither and die if I can do anything to help."

Whatever answer Kakuzu was expecting, this clearly wasn't it, judging by the baffled look on his face that made Hidan burst out with maniacal laughter. Jashin-sama seemed amused, as well, but instead of joining Hidan He merely waited for His follower to calm down before speaking again.

"As for why I picked the Akatsuki…" breathed Jashin-sama softly, His soft smile turning to Hidan, "Well, you can thank Hidan for that. And question him about it, for that matter. It's his decision whether or not to tell you in detail."

Kakuzu's gaze shot to the Jashinist and Hidan silently cursed Jashin-sama for putting him in this position. Jashindammit, he wasn't going to admit to _ANYTHING_! Even if—or maybe especially because—the whole reason why was his damn attachment to the bastards…

"What do you plan to do after you revive everyone you wish?" Kakuzu bluntly asked. Jashin-sama seemed once more startled by Kakuzu's train of thought.

"Oh," He uttered, blinking rapidly. "I, ah…I'm not sure. Make sure you all are able to adapt and live somewhat safely in this society, I suppose."

Kakuzu instantly challenged that. "And if we can't?"

Jashin-sama fell silent.

"Look, Jashin-sama's all powerful, but He doesn't have all the fuckin' answers, miser-bitch!" snarled Hidan protectively when he sensed the unease Jashin-sama felt through their link. "He doesn't have to do shit, but He's got enough pity to give you heathen bastards more than you deserve, so get the fuck off His case!"

Before Kakuzu could angrily reply and possibly rip Hidan's head off (again) (for purely therapeutic purposes, of course), Jashin-sama cut in with a soft, "He's right, Hidan."

The dumbfounded albino stared at his God with a dropped jaw and overly-stunned expression. Jashin-sama ignored the comedic moment in favor of closing His eyes with a soft, defeated sigh.

"If I'm going to bring them back to life in the first place, I have to have a backup plan. I suppose, if worse comes to worse, they could join me in my world…" A bitter smile twisted thin lips and emerald eyes flashed open with grim bemusement. "Assuming we all survive this ordeal, of course."

An awkward silence descended over the trio.

"…thank you for answering my questions," Kakuzu stiffly said just when Hidan was getting ready to scream and rant about how it wasn't Jashin-sama's fault and, dammit, what He was doing was more than enough, seriously! "I will take the Pledge when I return from gathering more information."

With that agreement/dismissal, Kakuzu stood with a nod at Jashin-sama and a brief glance at Hidan before he left, echoing silence stifling the two in his wake.

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (3-7-12): Told y'all I'd update in three weeks instead of four~! And I decided this just in time to end what I'm affectionately calling the "Prologue Arc" that has now set up the rest of the story. Next chapter will be up in a week and a half or so and will be an interlude focusing on people outside of our dear Harry-Jashin (with some fun omakes I've been working on), then a week and a half after that we'll be in Arc One/Episode Five. And that is where the real action starts, ladies and gents, because by then word will have gotten around the Elemental Countries and Harry-Jashin will be on his way to recruiting everyone else he wants/can. Oh, and a quick thanks to the lovely Avkaci, the wonderful reviewer whom saved my ass from at least two frontal attacks by fangirls and probably a lot more back-attacks. Thanks for being a human shield, darling~! ;)

TIMING! !


	6. Interlude  The Butterfly Effect?

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary (Prologue Arc): For years, Hidan was mocked because of his belief in a "false god" that gave him immortality and favored him above all others. His rituals were looked down upon, and his prayers were scoffed at. But never once did Hidan lose his faith. Because what the others didn't know was that not only could he feel the connection, but he had also heard Jashin on more than one occasion. And after his defeat, Hidan is confident Jashin will come rescue him and make the world a better place...too bad no one would have believed him if he were to tell. More importantly...too bad he's right...and "Jashin-sama" goes by a much more dangerous name loved in its original's universe and soon-to-be-feared in its new one. That name? Potter. Harry Potter... **Yaoi!Yuri!Straight!Relationships** **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-series, manga-based, slightly twisted canon, eventual AU

Summary (Arc 1): The first hurdles are over. Harry-Jashin has saved his dearest friend from near-death, officially gained his first follower outside of Hidan, and begun to establish a dangerous reputation. Too bad his good intentions are once more getting the better of him. Seems others don't like the fact that he is planning to resurrect and even protect some of the biggest names in rogue-ninja-history, including quite a few of the Hidden Villages and the very organization that the new "Jashinists" once belonged to… **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-/post-series, book-/manga-based, slightly twisted canon, eventual/now AU

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

-.-.-.-.-

**Interlude – The Butterfly Effect?  
><strong>"_Too late and to their sorrow  
><em>_Do those who misplace their trust in Gods  
><em>_Learn their fate__."  
><em>-Square Enix (Judge Bergan, Final Fantasy XII)

The 'Butterfly Effect' is commonly used to describe one small event that makes a huge difference on the world at large. But the beginning of this story is not merely a 'Butterfly Effect', but more of a 'Harry Potter Effect', as many acquaintances new, old, and yet to come would call it if asked. For while the butterfly makes a difference in the world, Harry Potter has managed to make a difference in at least two observable worlds and likely many, many hidden ones.

In one world, a flock of owls were flying out and delivering letters to various reactions from the receivers. Some cried; some shook their heads; some understood; some didn't; some even were darkly joyful that the Man-Who-Triumphed was gone from the world.

A bushy-haired young woman cried in the arms of her stone-faced, redheaded fiancé.

The redhead's siblings grimly understood what was going on and wished luck for their pseudo-brother.

The Headmistress of a concealed school allowed two tears to fall as the portrait of an old man realized what had happened and cursed and praised the teenager whom had essentially become his own pseudo-grandson, the old man's normal compatriot curiously absent from his frame.

A newspaper greedily printed the letter and gleefully cheered the fact that they had received the exclusive.

One person, a blonde-haired young woman smiled fondly at the letter before her and whispered, "Watch out for the Nargles, Jashin-Harry," before cheerfully going about her day without further thought on the matter.

But that was merely the effect of one obvious world. The reactions of the other were not of grief or acceptance, but rather anger and fear.

A blonde-haired leader shouted for attention and wished she had a new bottle of sake to get her through the day as a winning lotto card sat ever-so-innocently on a cluttered desk.

A group of young men and women huddled at the bedside of a fallen comrade who would never join them in their missions again, reassuring him that he was still the most splendid ninja they had ever known and swearing revenge on his behalf.

The heir of a clan of shogi-obsessed geniuses stared at the place where one of his greatest adversaries was both defeated and revived with clenched fists and a glare worthy of a demon twisting his normally lax features grotesquely.

A teenage redhead who had died and was reborn anew watched wearily as a familiar hawk bearing the symbol of a companion village grew steadily closer at an alarming rate.

Behind a mask, a man full of rage heard from a spy that an unknown had fallen into his game and snarled silently as, in the back of his mind, a young child that died too young cowered and prayed to be saved by this miracle-working newcomer.

And perhaps most importantly of all, a young man with blond hair and curious whisker-like tattoos, holding the strongest beast in existence at bay stared out to the world at large and swore to avenge his comrades, protect his village, and figure out what the hell was going on…

**-END-  
><strong>-Wrath of Jashin-

**OMAKE – When Harry Died, Hidan **_**What**_**?**

It had been a relatively normal day for Kakuzu up until that point. He'd received a bounty he'd been aiming for since the month before, cut off Hidan's head twice, and currently was on his way to receive his pay from Pein for a job well-done. All in all, it was surprisingly good and peaceful for the miser.

And of course moments after this thought passed through his head, Hidan screwed it up.

It took a few seconds for Kakuzu to realize his partner had stopped walking a few moments before along the dirt road and, glancing back, blinked in surprise at Hidan's pale(r than usual) face.

"…Hidan," he reluctantly called. This successfully snapped Hidan out of his funk.

Kakuzu soon realized this was a mistake.

Hidan let out a scream of rage and panic, dropping his scythe, and began running around in a circle shrieking about his stupid non-existent god and death and, holy shit, what the fuck, Jashin-sama fuckin' answer, pleeeeeeeeeaaaase, don't leave meeeee, oh my Jashin, Jashin-sama, Jashin-sama, Jashin-sama

Kakuzu sweatdropped at the scene, wondering what the hell was going on. The man had been fine moments ago…and what was this about death? They hadn't killed anyone today (aside from his bounty, but Kakuzu had done that himself so he didn't count it).

Just as suddenly as he had started running, Hidan abruptly stopped, staring blankly at a tree in front of him.

A long moment passed in awkward (for Kakuzu) silence.

Then Hidan calmly turned, picked up his scythe, and began walking down the road like nothing happened.

"The fuck, heathen, you comin' or am I gunna have to drag your pansy-ass all the way back to Ame?" sneered Hidan when Kakuzu didn't immediately follow.

Multiple sweatdrops joined the first as Kakuzu reluctantly followed. He would spend the next two months wondering what the hell had happened and, afterward, why the fuck he'd even cared. Hidan refused to answer any and all questions.

(In another universe, Harry mentally sighed as he was carried in Hagrid's arms while faking death, repeatedly assuring Hidan that, yes, he was fine, and Hidan died all the time, why was this so different? The resulting headache from Hidan's swearing/shouting/near-unending rant lasted about as long as Kakuzu's wondering did.)

**-END OMAKE****-  
><strong>-Wrath of Jashin-

**OMAKE ****–**** And Now for Something Completely Different…**

The Soul of Kakuzu's eyes went wide before abruptly narrowing. "You are still alive, then. I had thought you were blown to pieces by the Nara child."

Hidan snorted, "I was."

Kakuzu's brow shot up and his lips/stitches pulled down in a frown. Unable to help himself, Harry grinned and chirped, "He got better."

Off-set, MKL groaned and face-palmed as Hidan burst out laughing and Kakuzu looked like he wished he really _were_ dead, the director/authoress mumbling something about snakes named Monty and overused references to them.

(Credit to Crystal M. Key for reminding me to do this~! ^.^)

**-END OMAKE 2****-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (3-16-12): I hope you all know how much I appreciate every review that comes my way. From the simple "good work, update please" to the epic-length/insightful/thought-provoking reviews like those from mabidiso and Phantom Feline, I love each and every one, read it, and respond to it without hesitation as soon as I'm done with much joy. I also enjoy my anonymous reviewers, sometimes more than others because even though they either have no account or have one and can't be bothered to log in, they still give me a few words as if the story really means something to them.

I even have no problem with flames/criticisms/WTF reviews. I've already received many questions and comments from readers who don't like/understand what I'm doing and two people have outright told me they hated it. I respond to those the most carefully, because if someone is dissatisfied I want to know why and I want to explain myself if I can or correct what's so upsetting if I need to.

But then fucking idiots who don't know shit start badmouthing me _anonymously_ so that I can't _fucking respond_ and I get bloody pissed. Beyond this point is a response to a certain review I have received and I want to apologize now for faking my other lovely readers into believing I just updated a longer chapter, but I want to say my piece and dammit, if you can't respect me enough to sign in so we can talk things out, I won't respect _you_ enough to take your opinion into honest consideration and keep my less savory/rated-R thoughts inside my head!

So, anonymous reviewer "good," let's get to it.

You can tell "[your] running out of steam"? Really? I don't think so. I think I've got an epic-length story planned out and three other chapters already pre-written to give to the public and am still going strong. Fuck you.

I need to "re read [ur] work" and I shouldn't post "cheap work [you] don't realy mean"? I think you know shit. It takes me up to two weeks to write even one chapter and be content enough with it to call it "finished." Then, after that, I spend the time before it's posted going through with near-obsessive editing. I admit that the last chapter I posted wasn't perfect, but no chapter I post is perfect—it's FANFICTION. "FAN" being the key word here. I'm not doing this professionally, I'm doing this for fun and to see what others think of how my mind works.

And dude, it's not like I do/did it on purpose! I have a hectic life filled with keeping a house running containing an anxiety-ridden/agoraphobic mother, a father who works from 4 AM to 6 PM every day, a rebellious younger brother who I'm trying to keep away from drugs/cutting, AND two dogs, one of which is getting on in years and needs special care sometimes, WHILE going to college part-time AND volunteering at an animal shelter AND making sure my two best friends don't have emotional breakdowns when their dick-fathers call them up to call them a slut and/or take all their money to buy drugs and then get arrested AGAIN. So you know what I have to say now? Fuck you twice!

You think I should "end it now before [you] ruin something good"? Well, my response is simple and I'd imagine predictable by this point: Fuck you for a third time. Sorry, bud, you just struck out. And learn some damn spelling/grammar while you're on the bench!

On that note, any of the rest of you who read this note can have a good day and I'm sorry for ruining it for you with my Hidan-like response. I hope you all can forgive me, but the few things that piss me off REALLY piss me off and this is one of those things so I felt I needed to give a full-blown response/rant.


	7. Episode Five The Lion and the Raven

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: The first hurdles are over. Harry-Jashin has saved his dearest friend from near-death, officially gained his first follower outside of Hidan, and begun to establish a dangerous reputation. Too bad his good intentions are once more getting the better of him. Seems others don't like the fact that he is planning to resurrect and even protect some of the biggest names in rogue-ninja-history, including quite a few of the Hidden Villages and the very organization that the new "Jashinists" once belonged to… **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-/post-series, book-/manga-based, slightly twisted canon, eventual/now AU

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

-.-.-.-.-

**Episode Five – The Lion and the Raven  
><strong>"_A smooth sea never made a skilled Mariner.__"  
><em>-English Proverb

Harry "Jashin" Potter had to say that things had managed to go smoother than expected with Kakuzu. After calming Hidan down and placidly agreeing that he would allow the albino to protect him so he wouldn't die, Kakuzu returned and took the modified Pledge of Jashin, carefully directed (mostly thanks to the Elder Wand and a series of useful runes) so that he would be bound to Harry rather than some random person in some random universe like Hidan's had done. After a lunch Harry insisted on making despite Hidan's persistent whining that he shouldn't and didn't have to—

'_I wasn't whining, dammit! Shinobi don't whine!'_ Hidan's voice rocketed through Harry's head.

_I wasn't saying that you were,_ placated Harry with a barely-stifled grin mostly because it was true…he never SAID that Hidan was whining after all. _Now stop it. We're going to talk business._

'_Again?'_

After that mental whine (_'Fuck off!'_) Hidan backed off and allowed Harry to turn his attention to Kakuzu to start the second important discussion of the day.

"I've learned some…disturbing things," Kakuzu began ominously. Harry barely resisted the urge to cringe. "It turns out that since our deaths, the Akatsuki has not only come more into public eye but has also steadily begun to collapse. Including myself and Hidan, five members have already fallen."

Harry instantly sensed Hidan's panic at the thought even though he tried to hide it by half-snarling, "Who the fuck _else_ is dead! ?" in an attempt to sound like he didn't care. It was obvious that Kakuzu wasn't buying it any more than Harry was, although the ninja looked a little disturbed by this revelation.

A soft sigh escaped Kakuzu's lips and he shook his head. "Sasori, as you know, died shortly before we did. That's three. Deidara and Itachi have both died since."

A weird noise escaped Hidan's throat and Harry's eyes widened in shock. He knew Deidara and Itachi as well as any other member, perhaps even more than most and less than only what he knew about Kakuzu and Kisame (who spent the most amount of time with Hidan despite his, ehem, obsession, Kakuzu because they were partners and Kisame apparently because he tolerated Hidan's rituals/religion better than the others).

"Oh," uttered Harry, lowering his head for a moment of silence on behalf on what he understood two be two of the youngest members of the Akatsuki, one the same age he was and the other only two years older. "…did you find out where their bodies are?"

Hidan's eyes instantly regained their light at the reminder of Harry's ability although Kakuzu's still closed-off gaze made Harry uneasy. Clearly whatever he knew about this wasn't good.

"No one knows where Itachi's body ended up," he said in his gravelly voice. "It's assumed that it was completely destroyed. His final battle, however, occurred in what villagers refer to as 'The Uchiha Hideout,' apparently a small fort-like structure in the mountains that house the Uchiha Clan when they needed to leave Konoha for any reason and is rumored to be haunted by the 'ghost' of the founder of the Clan, Uchiha Madara."

Harry grimaced at the mention of ghosts but decided that, at the very least, they had a lead on this. He was weary to question about Deidara, however, given the way Kakuzu hesitated.

The tanned man pressed on before Harry or Hidan could bring themselves to ask the dreaded question. "Deidara died in a wooded area not far from Tanzaku Quarters, but…according to what I've learned…there is no body to recover."

A stifled quiet fell into place at the chilling revelation. Kakuzu's voice became steadily quieter as he continued to explain.

"It would appear that while fighting the young Uchiha Sasuke, Deidara used a suicide-bombing attack that completely evaporated his body from existence. It would be impossible to recover it."

Hidan's frozen form was radically different from the racing thoughts of horror, anger, and grief that Harry could sense. He gently wrapped his essence around his first follower (he noted absently that Kakuzu seemed to sense this, based upon his startled and weary expression) and soothed it as best he could, speaking both aloud and in Hidan's mind when he finally recovered from the blow.

"'Reverto Somnes ut Vita' should still work, although it will take considerably more energy than if we had even part of the body to work with and will undoubtedly create a much larger reaction than yours or Hidan's," he softly said, sensing Hidan's continued emotions and now the slightest hints of leery hope as well. "I'll need a few days to ensure I'm at my peak before we could try it, but it is possible."

"We could find Itachi's body first," suggested Kakuzu calmly, visibly more relaxed with this new information. Harry, bemused, wondered if Kakuzu—like Hidan—actually cared greatly for his companions even though he outwardly didn't show it. "The 'Hideout' is closer than Tanzaku, anyway, and is along the same route. We likely would stop there beforehand anyway."

Harry nodded once. "Then that's what we'll do. We'll leave in two days to make sure we have supplies and are completely prepared. Assuming you have no objections?"

Kakuzu shook his head in the negative, then added his own two cents—er, yen or whatever currency they used in the Elemental Countries. "I will go find some easy bounties to gain funds and see if I can gather any more information in that time. You should rest, and Hidan…"

"Will protect me," said Harry in a tone that sanctioned no argument. Luckily Kakuzu didn't look for one, just taking a passing glance at his nearly catatonic once-partner before announcing he would begin immediately and heading out the door, once more leaving Harry and the Jashinist behind.

Harry didn't immediately say anything to his follower, letting Hidan try and sort things out on his own and knowing he would talk or think-talk when he felt ready. This patience was rewarded a full ten minutes later when Hidan suddenly calmed to an unhealthy degree and clenched his fists.

"I'm gunna kill that Uchiha-bastard," he said with deadpan conviction.

"Itachi won't be very happy if you do that," Harry said softly even though he silently thought that some form of retribution would be necessary. A snarl crossed Hidan's face.

"Fucker's already been killed by the kid and he liked Deidara a shit-ton anyway, so screw it, I'm gunna kill the scrawny bitch!"

Harry bit his tongue as Hidan began to rant about what he wanted to do about the young Uchiha with agonizingly gruesome detail and simply let the albino rant. Despite the harsh words, Harry knew that if Itachi asked Hidan not to kill his brother when they conversed with his soul the elder would begrudgingly do it despite his personal opinions. It was just Hidan's way of showing he cared, strange as it was…not killing if asked to. Well, except if Kakuzu did, but Hidan mostly did that to get under the miser's skin so it didn't count.

"Hidan," Harry quietly interrupted, making him instantly stop talking and turn burning purple-pink eyes onto his Jashin, "what will you do if one of the Akatsuki will not allow themselves to be revived whether it's because they are content or because they don't want to be bound to a simple, distinctly non-ninja 'teenager' for eternity?"

It was a question that had been bothering the raven-haired Jashin for quite a while. He knew how attached Hidan was to each member on an individual level, even though many of them did not know it, and honestly what the reaction could be was just so varied depending on so many small factors…but Harry had to ask, had to make sure his faithful follower would be alright. Because Hidan was the only constant he'd had throughout his life and damn if the green-eyed man would let him be damaged if it could be stopped on any level.

"They won't," Hidan said with confidence and gleaming pink-purple eyes before announcing he was going outside to train up and ending the discussion.

Yet despite the self-assured words, Hidan's back was slightly tensed under his pale skin (he was shirtless as he often was) and his hand fidgeted with the desire to grip his scythe.

Harry frowned faintly and began to plan.

-Wrath of Jashin-

True to the plan, the trio left the hut they had decided to call 'base' two days later with many protective wards and Notice-Me-Not Charms enhanced by both the Elder Wand and Harry's proficiency toward Parsletongue (which freaked Kakuzu out a bit when he caught Harry standing on the edge of the property hissing casually with a few of the local poisonous snakes to ask them politely to guard the house while they were gone. The snakes gleefully agreed with the first Speaker they had seen in person and assured that no one would get into "The Lord Harry-Jashin's" "den" while he was gone).

"Why can we not use that 'Apparation' that you used to remove us from Konoha to get to the Uchiha Hideout?" Kakuzu asked only a few hours into the approximately-day-long journey they would have to take, looking irritated with their civilian pace. "As uncomfortable as it is, we would probably already be leaving with our job finished and on our way to converse with Deidara's Soul."

"I can only Apparate to places I've been before," explained Harry patiently as Hidan shot Kakuzu a dirty look for questioning his methods. "If I tried to Apparate to this 'Hideout' I'd be willing to bet there's a high chance we'd end up somewhere totally off, probably a few hundred feet above or below the ground or even inbetween, and badly Splinched."

Kakuzu blanched at the thought even though he was now relatively immortal and Hidan grumbled something about hating dirt and past experiences with rocks being stuck in uncomfortable areas. Even though they didn't know for sure what Splinching was Harry made sure to stress the word and the fact that it wouldn't be unpleasant.

"And I'm sorry, but I cannot travel at ninja-speed like you two and would rather not chance being seen, anyway. Better to be considered common trave-"

A small shake of the ground interrupted Harry mid-word and between the space of one blink and the next he found Hidan and Kakuzu flanking him with kunai drawn.

"The fuck was that?" Hidan asked wearily with his eyes darting around the trees and ground surrounding the road they were travelling. Another shake of the ground followed this statement, this one accompanied with a short but sharp crack that sounded like wood being crushed.

"I cannot sense anyone nearby," said Kakuzu slowly. He was obviously frustrated with the observation.

"Neither can I," Harry added, earning a queer look from Kakuzu who had no idea of Harry's ability to sense the limited magic within them. He wouldn't be able to identify anyone based upon it other than Hidan, but he could sense it all the same.

"Then how," and a huge quake shook the trio once more but much more intensely. Lasting for a second, then two, then five, then ten—it finally ended with a crashing, echoing, gut-wrenching that made Harry for a wild moment think of a herd of Crumple-Horned Snorlacks crashing into and knocking down the whole forest. (So he spent a bit of time with Luna before he left…sue 'im. Wait, what's that? He's in another world so you can't? Ha!)

When the seismic activity died off the forest was in various states of disarray. A few branches had fallen off nearby trees and all the animals had fled with shrieks that chilled the bone. Harry caught the faint whispering of some sort of snake hissing at its family to hurry and leave before the 'sstupid humansss' caved their home in on them 'again!'

The trio wasn't much better off than their surroundings; Hidan had landed on his ass cussing and ignoring a wound on his arm dripping blood due to the kunai he had been holding when he fell; Kakuzu was on his knees with a hand bracing in front of himself and a snarl that promised death to whoever/whatever caused the terrifyingly titanic tremor; and Harry himself was sprawled between them on his stomach, glasses knocked askew and hanging off one ear with the other lens in his mouth somehow, one of his arms trapped uncomfortably underneath his chest and his head pounding from what he was fairly sure was a concussion thanks to knocking into the ground at high-speeds.

"WHAT THE FUCK! ? ! ! ?" Hidan positively roared as he leapt back to his feet, flinging his blood on his clothes but ignoring it. "THE FUCKIN' HELL WAS THAT? ! ! ! ? ! ?"

"I don't know, but if you don't _shut the hell up_ whatever caused it is going to find us, you retarded _fuck_," Kakuzu hissed at him. Hidan whirled toward the miser to take out his aggression upon him but Harry shot a Silencing Charm and the Leg-Lock Curse, sending him tumbling to the ground while pin-wheeling his arms as he overbalanced with a pathetic little squeak.

"Hidan, he's right," Harry said to the now-glaring albino as he climbed to his feet and put his Elder Wand back up the sleeve of his cloak. "In theory, at least."

Kakuzu looked pissed at the sentence and narrowed near-identical eyes upon the teen. "_What was that._"

Barely able to hide his nervousness, Harry merely swallowed and twitched his fingers faintly in his unease, aware of Hidan's eyes on him and sensing the worry now that he was tied up. "There's no one around. I was checking while the quake was going on; there aren't any ninja or humans in general within a few miles of here. And I believe the sound came from Konoha's direction…"

Still glaring, Kakuzu didn't bother to turn his challenging gaze away until Hidan suddenly leapt to his feet and began snarling at the miser for being an asshole and challenging his God, successfully taking the eldest's attention away from the youngest. Harry was infinitely grateful that he had mastered the ability to release spells without his wand or else he wasn't sure what would happen.

Dabbing at a bead of sweat trailing down the back of his neck as Kakuzu lopped Hidan's head off with his kunai in a morbidly comical display of his anger, Harry shuddered lightly. Yeah. He definitely wanted to keep Kakuzu's rage directed _away_ from himself, which would be infinitely easier once there were more, hopefully level-headed companions travelling with them. Of course given Harry's luck he was rather doubtful that would happen any time soon…

"We should continue on," Kakuzu said in a surprisingly light tone as he sewed Hidan's head roughly back in place, ignoring the albino's snarls of pain. "Who or whatever is attacking Konoha will likely try and take the smaller towns around it next. The Hideout will be a much safer place to be at that time than an open and well-traversed road."

"Right," agreed Harry easily after pulling out his wand again. He paused only a moment to eye the area where Hidan's head had been un- and re-attached before casting, "Episky."

Aided by Kakuzu's remarkable whatever-jutsu (Harry still couldn't pronounce what it was…key-jutsu or something?), the spell treated the wound as "mostly healed" and finished it off, seamlessly closing the nasty tears from the attack. Both shinobi stared in dumbfounded silence when they realized what happened as Harry gave a small, lazy Slytherin-smirk and twirled the Elder Wand nimbly in his long fingers.

It wasn't until he was already starting down the road again without his pseudo-bodyguards that he called back a teasing not-quite-explanation. "What, you thought I just healed myself up from those injuries we got in Konoha overnight like magic?"

Kakuzu deadpanned and Hidan cackled enthusiastically, crowing about the unstoppable power of his God and fairly skipping after 'Him.' A shake of his head proceeded Kakuzu's ability to follow.

-Wrath of Jashin-

The ragtag group made it to the Hideout just before sunset without further incident except for Hidan swearing up and down that he had sensed Pein("that heathen false-god bastard")'s chakra fluctuate briefly in the direction of Konoha, but Kakuzu said something about hallucinations and Harry merely filed away the observation in his head as another argument began between the two pseudo-zombies.

Stopping in the middle of pulling his bedding from his backpack (charmed the same way Hermione's moleskin pouch had been during their Horcrux adventure) a chuckle suddenly escaped Harry at the thought. "Next thing you know, I'll be leading an army of Inferni into battle or something," he muttered.

"An army?"

With a pathetic yelp, Harry dropped his bedroll onto the dusty ground in front of the collapsed Hideout, the trio having decided to go to sleep for the night before summoning Itachi's soul. Hidan was already passed out on his bedroll, breathing heavily and once in a while letting out a muffled snore, blankets kicked off and notably naked except a pair of loose boxers that looked likely to slip off at any moment. Kakuzu had appeared to be sleeping as well when Harry came back from his bathroom break, but it seemed he was wrong.

"I didn't know you were still awake," Harry admitted softly, embarrassed, as he sat awkwardly on his conveniently spread-out bedding. Kakuzu said nothing, staring with eerily luminescent green eyes from his spot just slightly away from Harry and Hidan, yet close enough that it wasn't immediately obvious. It took Harry a moment to remember why. "Oh, right. I was just kidding to myself about the whole situation. Where I'm from, there's a type of creature called an Inferni, a damned soul pulled out of Hell itself and bound to unwilling flesh and the instructions of the one which retrieved its soul. It isn't very pleasant as you can imagine…anyway I was just picturing the reaction of civilians if I summoned an army of them."

"You can create these things?" asked Kakuzu. His voice was low, barely a rumble, but he was close enough to Harry that the Jashin could easily make out the words.

"Theoretically. But the spell is so horrifying, I can't imagine using it even if it were the only way to save myself."

"What if it was the only way that would save Hidan?"

Silence followed the question.

"…you are surprisingly squeamish for a 'god' of death," Kakuzu said after a few long, awkward moments.

Harry raised a shoulder in half-agreement. "Mmmm, perhaps," he agreed softly. "But I've been in the forefront of a war for most of my teenage life so I'm mostly desensitized…"

Kakuzu scoffed lightly and Harry could sense that it was because of his mention of being in a war, but he said nothing, instead idly doodling in the dirt and debris with a single finger as his other hand tapped the Elder Wand against his thigh rhythmically. If Kakuzu didn't want to believe him, Harry would not correct—his role in the war disgusted him so much now since he had actually been able to think upon it that he had no desire to relive the memories.

"Yet you accepted that Hidan will continue to do his bloody rituals with enthusiasm after just a night of thinking on it," he mercilessly deadpanned.

Harry couldn't stop the visible flinch at the fact and paused a moment to glance over his shoulder at Hidan on his other side. The albino just snorted lightly in his sleep as if to reassure he was out and after poking the mindlink and sensing nothing but calm, Harry turned back to Kakuzu with a somber expression.

"I don't approve, if that's what you're thinking," he said in a firm yet nearly-inaudible tone. "I never could. And I will likely never be able to stomach watching; I could barely stomach hearing about it through our link before I came to this world. But there is little I can do…"

"You could tell him to stop," suggested Kakuzu, still pokerfaced. A bitter laugh escaped Harry and he shook his head once in amused frustration.

"Little I can do _realistically_."

"It is perfectly realistic."

"No, it's not," countered Harry lightly but resolutely. "As gruesome as it is, Hidan spent years figuring out the most effective way to replenish our Link and this is it. The closest thing to it is simply killing someone who is old and already dying without any fancy rituals and the energy for that isn't even enough to replenish what's lost for a simple one-time resurrection, like when you took off his head today in your anger."

Kakuzu had the decency to at least blink sheepishly and Harry took it as the closest thing to an apology he would get for the inconvenience.

Harry glanced over his shoulder and gave Hidan a fond smile. "Besides, Hidan is my faithful follower, the one most precious to me, the keeper of all my secrets and trust…the only family I have ever known. I would gladly accept all of him, good and bad, the best that I am able in exchange for the strength of our bond remaining resolute. Perhaps accepting more of him will make it even stronger."

Another silence followed these words, during which Harry finally laid down and closed his eyes, seeing his dear Hidan shift slightly on his bedroll and take a deep breath before his breathing returned to its semi-steady heavy pattern as he did. It was just as he was drifting off that Kakuzu's softly spoken words reached his ears:

"You truly care about him," the dark-skinned man rumbled. A sleepy smile crossed Harry's face.

"I do," he slurred in agreement. Morpheus quickly took him over, blocking any chance Kakuzu may have had to respond.

-Wrath of Jashin-

The next morning found Harry waking to Hidan loudly complaining about Kakuzu wanting to ironically wake him up.

_Hidan, shut up,_ moaned Harry in his half-asleep state. The irritating noises instantly shut up and Harry took the opportunity to snuggle deeper into his blankets.

"He spoke to you," a different voice said confusing Harry for a moment before deciding Hidan must have been listening to Kakuzu or something and that was why he heard the voice from his nice, comfy bed. He wanted to go back to sleep; Kretcher would wake up soon enough and bother him into greeting the day and he was soooo tired and achy…had he been roughhousing with Teddy again? That were-child strength really was kicking in strong, wasn't it, his dear little godson would have quite the right hook by the time he got to Hogwarts…perfect for keeping the bullies away, and Harry knew there would be bullies galore given his condition…

"No shit," snapped Hidan before there was a shuffling in Harry's room and then silence. Just as he was drifting off again into dreams of flying with Buckbeak through strangely tall trees toward a huge flash of light that shadowed a figure within, Harry was jolted awake again with a yelp, this time completely and thoroughly soaked in water.

Hidan's obnoxious I-just-pulled-a-great-prank-fuck-you-guys-I-rock-! laughter rung through his ears as Harry sat on his bedroll, glaring from underneath dripping wet strands of raven hair with piercing Avada Kedavra that was somehow more lethal at the moment than when glowing from the curse. His stupid-ass follower (he thought this with deep, deep, DEEP and well-hidden fondness) was cackling with a bucket that had clearly once held their drinking water collected the night before from a nearby and convenient spring, Kakuzu facepalming next to him much as Harry would have been had the situations been reversed.

"Hidan," growled Harry, whipping the Elder Wand out and aware that bright red sparks shot out the end in response to his anger.

In a moment Hidan had froze, staring with a horrified gaze at the still-sparking stick before throwing the bucket into Kakuzu's chest and pointing while he shouted, "HE DID IT!"

Harry was unconvinced and slashed the Elder Wand angrily. "Levicorpus!" Hidan yelped loudly as his ankle was hooked and he was none-too-gently hoisted into the air, his head smacking the ground unforgivingly on the way down, but Harry wasn't done and stomped closer to point his wand in Hidan's face. The albino paled further as a single red spark singed his nose lightly and Harry sadistically grinned, aware he was at least partially fueled on by his link with Kakuzu (who was having so much joy at the sight of Hidan getting his comeuppance that his emotions were flooding even their emotionally-weak link) and partially by repressed frustration from years of getting pissed at Hidan from afar and being unable to actually do anything about it, all that frustration poured into his next spell:

"Rictusempra."

And Hidan anticlimactically burst out into uncontrollable laugher, flailing his arms and twisting, still suspended by his ankle in the air. Harry instantly felt a thousand times better and nodded with a smirk at Hidan. "You won't poor water on me again, now, will you?" he nearly purred in a creepily-accurate rendition of Snape's sadistic hum—the one he gave whenever Harry had failed a potion spectacularly and he had the perfect reason to ridicule him.

Hidan continued to laugh, gasping for breath, his face turning blue from lack of oxygen as Harry knew it eventually would. Even the Tickling Charm could become deadly, after all, and combined with 'Levicorpus' it was a horrifying way to die (lack of oxygen/bloodflow working together to deadly effectiveness).

A flick of the Elder Wand released Hidan from both spells and he instantly started gasping in breath, shuddering as he did such and rubbing at his head with a glare at Harry that held much less bite than it would for anyone else. Harry simply smiled angelically and turned to put away his bedroll, ignoring Kakuzu's amused and chastising voice behind him. He knew Hidan was a bit upset but would quickly get over it; he was used to pissing people off to the point of violence and Harry knew Hidan knew he was being let off easy. After all, Harry _was_ an Honorary Slytherin; he could have easily done much worse.

"Shall we find Itachi's soul?" Harry asked with considerable enthusiasm, feeling refreshed even though he was still dripping with water. Hidan grumbled something, having gotten to his feet with regained breath, and Kakuzu simply seemed curious.

"Don't You need his body or somethin' like with Kakuzu?" groused Hidan with a scowl firmly in place. Harry gave a thoughtful hum, pulling on the robe he had shed the night before to cover his pathetic clothing (he was still using old second-hands from Dudley if for no other reason than because they were expendable).

"Not necessarily. There are only two recent energies around here; one, though faint, is clearly going both to and from this place. The other goes only one way, I assume towards the building when it existed. By process of elimination I'm willing to bet that one is Itachi's."

A snort met the statement, but Harry softly and mentally apologized to Hidan, who visibly softened at the gesture and gave a stiff nod as Kakuzu glanced between them looking irritated.

"Although I am sure your private communications are fascinating," he said frostily, clearly being able to sense their link being forced open as it was for when they spoke using thoughts, "shall we get on with it?"

"If you're jealous, Kakuzu, I can always enhance our link," Harry offered half-jokingly. He quickly raised his hands in 'I surrender!' when piercing green eyes tried to shoot Superman-esque lasers in his direction. "Right, right. I'm going to start now."

Lowering his hands, he could tell Kakuzu was confused when Harry merely reached over to caress the Resurrection Stone set into his ring, avoiding the crack that symbolized its previous status as a Horcrux for fear of tainting the summoning with Dark Magic (which although not evil, in Harry's opinion, was still _very_ dangerous). The light glow began on the first rub, then at the second intensified, then by the third sprang forth to greedily suck up the sample energy Harry had directed it toward. Soon he saw a shape begin to form, starting out with a black shapeless mass, then gaining human form and features.

Only about two inches taller than Harry (thank God, he was a bit worried he was in a world of giants, given Hidan and Kakuzu's considerable height) but about the same build (which was worrying; was Itachi—or, worse-case scenario, whoever else he was summoning—starved in his childhood, as well, to gain that near-sickly physique?), the man's spirit was as naked as Kakuzu's had been, although mercifully Harry could easily ignore the lower half of his body by staring at his aristocratic face. It was actually rather similar to the pictures of a young Sirius Harry had once seen, if a bit thinner, with even the same long and silky hair spilling over slender yet strong shoulders. The eyes were the last things to form, black orbs that reminded Harry of deep tunnels just as Snape's once had, but curiously…warmer than Snape's had ever been while somehow being less expressive.

"Can I assume you're Uchiha Itachi?" asked Harry softly, making the deep orbs—which had been drifting around the room wearily and somehow completely missing a fascinated/excited Hidan and bewildered/wtf-expressioned Kakuzu—snap to him. Harry blinked in surprise almost instantly, but quickly found that no, he wasn't hallucinating; they had changed color and shape into a strange red iris with three little commas literally spinning hypnotically around the pupils.

"You may," the teenager who looked so much older than a teenager said in a voice devoid of any emotion other than sardonic exasperation, pitch gratingly like Draco Malfoy's with Snape's drawling speaking style. Kakuzu visibly jumped in the corner of Harry's eye and he made a brief mental note to ask why later before returning his attention to Itachi, whom he gave a reasonably more reassuring smile than he had Kakuzu. He was aware this person was considered by some more dangerous than his latest recruit, but he looked much more normal than Kakuzu did and that did a lot to put Harry at ease.

"Good. And you're aware you're dead?"

The commas spun faster a moment before slowing down to a lazy pace. "Yes, I am."

"Mmm," hummed Harry lightly. "Then let me introduce myself. I am—"

"Of no importance," interrupted Itachi with the faintest traces of irritability, making Harry blink and slowly close his mouth. "I have no interest in what you have to say. Now send me back to the Afterlife and let me live out my death in well-deserved peace."

Bewildered, Harry blinked. "You won't even listen to my proposition?"

"No."

Harry had no idea how to respond. This was so completely unlike how he expected this conversation to go. He hadn't been surprised to find _some_ resistance based on what Hidan had told him about Itachi's personality, but honestly, the teenager wasn't even curious?

"Listen you Uchiha-fucker, we came a long and painful way to talk to your deceased ass, listening to Kakuzu's bitchy voice the whole way, the least a bastard can do is listen, seriously!" snapped Hidan with a glare. Itachi finally showed some emotion and whirled to stare at Hidan with wider eyes before they slowly dropped.

"You survived? Both of you?" he asked lowly and…was that relief or anger in his tone? It was so subtle it was hard for Harry to tell…

"Hidan did, but I did not," Kakuzu cut into the conversation, for some reason looking slightly over Itachi's head instead of into his admittedly intimidating eyes even though Harry had already assured them both the Sharingan's power would not work on them while he was simply a spirit. "Lord Jashin," Harry blinked at the foreign title spoken with almost dismissal, used to Hidan's undying praise and reverence yet not unhappy with the different way, "saw fit to revive myself and retrieve Hidan."

Itachi observed Kakuzu in silence for a few moments before turning to Harry. "And I assume you want to revive me, as well?"

"If you're willing," Harry said placidly. Itachi gave a thoughtful nod, seemed to honestly think over his choices, and with a resolute and almost vindictive glee gave his simple, one-word response:

"No."

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (3-20-12): -barricaded behind an impenitruable wall of stuff- DON'T KILL ME PLEASE I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE~! ! ! ! DX

This isn't the end of Itachi's part, so yeah, breathe, everyone. I'm not just going to end it like that. Next chapter is, of course, already written, so hold your pants on and wait for a while. But the main point of this note is actually to warn you guys that next chapter, a lot of major things happen. And I mean a LOT. Like information dump, multiple introductions, some light humor, clifhanger ending (so soon after this one, you guys are going to kill me, haha...hahhh... -sweatdrop-), the works. It reads a bit like it's faster paced than the rest of the story has been, but that is the way I chose to write it for a reason.

I decided to update early 'cause I love you all and felt bad just leaving with an Interlude for another week or so. So here's an early chapter, even though the ending probably makes you want to kill me very much so! 0:-D

I'm going to stop blathering now and thank everyone who has been reviewing. Over 200 reviews already...I love you guys! :D Please keep at it, I love to hear from you~

PS-I lied about shutting up. XD There's a new poll on my profile about this new Itachi-related development...please check it out! I wanna know if I should fear for my life haha.


	8. AprilFool's Special HP and the Summoning

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: So I got a request to do a little oneshot on what would happen if the hypothetical reverse of this story's situation occurred…and this is what I came up with. Happy April Fool's Day, everyone; be on the lookout for Pokémon Black & White on the GameBoy, Michael Bay's version of "Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged," Cr1TiKaL's new CIA-operative/alien movie "The Delivery Man," and everything else that is cheerfully offered as a result of today being EPIC~ ^.^

**April Fool's Day Special:  
><strong>**Harry Potter and the Summoning of a Jashinist**

"_Haikus are easy  
><em>_But sometimes they don't make sense  
><em>_Refrigerator."  
><em>-William Shatner

So here he was, sitting in a graveyard, tied to a headstone, bleeding heavily, the dead body of a guy he hardly knew but seemed like an OK dude a few feet away, in front of a guy that was so feared by the world that most can't even hear the name without flinching let alone _say_ it, without easy access to his wand or any sort of weapon. Oh, and his head was throbbing and the guy was monologuing in the most _boring_ way _EVER_ about how he was amazing and everyone would fall to his might and the world should fear him and blah, blah, blah…

Harry Potter sighed loudly, breaking the tension-filled air. The newly-revived Lord Voldemort whirled around to stare at the boy with flashing blood-red eyes that to anyone else would have scared the shit out of them (literally) but only made Harry quirk a brow.

"Are you _bored_, child?" the snake-man-thing demanded in an intimidating hiss that was almost Parseltongue. Blinking, Harry's other eyebrow rose to join the first.

"Whatever gave you _that_ idea, Tom?" he asked with heavy sarcasm. Voldemort's bone-white face flushed an interesting red along his cheekbones and the Death Eaters around them shifted in confusion and unease.

"That is not my name! I am Lord Voldemort!"

Harry openly rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you're all-powerful, mixed up the letters of your real name to make a fake one that everyone would and now does fear and changed your appearance so that you look like a bloody skeleton and all that."

"You have a deathwish, clearly, Potter," Voldemort said with his hands clenched hard enough that he was lucky his wand didn't snap.

"So I've been told," Harry dryly replied. Voldemort snarled, revealing stained and crooked yellow teeth, and Harry pretended to gag. "God-_damn_, man, when was the last time you used a toothbrush or even a breath mint? Is that how you plan on taking over the Wizarding World, by threatening to _breathe_ on them?"

"That's it!" Voldemort's limited patience snapped and he swept over to Harry in an intimidating way. "I was going to have mercy on you, young Harry Potter, but you have driven me to an alternative I wish I wouldn't have to take. You will now duel me and be left for dead!"

Harry, in the face of this horrifying threat that would cause most to piss themselves, openly yawned.

An enraged shriek escaped Voldemort and he slashed his wand, breaking the bonds that held Harry and then casting a spell around them as a makeshift shield to keep the Death Eaters out. Harry idly wondered why when Voldemort had a reputation of not caring if they died then decided it was just him being an idiot.

Throwing Harry's wand on the ground before him (when had he gotten it, anyway?), Voldemort regained his superior smirk as though he was sure victory was in his grasp.

"Now stand and bow to Death, Harry Potter," hissed Voldemort as he lifted his wand. Sitting in front of the gravestone, playing with his fingers by molding them into different positions, Harry was silent for a long moment before a heavenly-innocent smile crossed his boyish face.

"Sorry, Tommy-boy, but I don't think _I'm_ the one facing death today," he chirped. Fingers landing on one final position, Harry put his blood-covered hand on the ground, smugly announcing, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu."

"Koochi-_what_?"

A huge billowing of smoke prevented any witty response Harry would have given, hiding Harry's "side" of the barrier'd area from view and making Voldemort cough in a very un-intimidating way. Red and gold lightning sparked dangerously within the smoke, a figure slowly rising out of the ground, a strange shape for a head (was it a head?) and large-looking body in sight—

Soon the smoke cleared and a rather unintimidating sight met the observers. A man was there, about six feet tall, with pale masculine features, grey/white hair slicked away from his face not unlike how Draco Malfoy kept his hair, and slightly narrowed purple (?) eyes. He was wearing a bulky black cloak with red clouds on it, opened to reveal baggy black pants, a lack of shirt, and a thick silver necklace, and on his back was an unwieldy-looking weapon that would have been a scythe if it didn't have two extra blades.

The Death Eaters stared for a long moment at the bored-looking man, who glanced around slowly before glancing over his shoulder at Harry. A smirk curled his lips and he whirled on his heel, ignoring the slightly gaping Voldemort, in favor of crouching and looking into Harry's eyes.

"Hey, Jashin-sama," he said in a deep voice that dripped respect, "You called?"

Harry smirked back. "Hello, Hidan. Yeah I did. See, that Voldemort guy I was telling you about came back, and now he wants me to duel him…but I thought you might enjoy it more than I would."

Glancing at the wound on Harry's arm with narrowed eyes, Hidan slowly nodded before standing again and turning, reaching back to grab his strange weapon in one hand. A bloodthirsty smirk crossed his face, twisting his features so much even Voldemort cringed back slightly at the overwhelming insanity.

"So you're the bitch that's been botherin' Lord Jashin-sama," he nearly purred, eyes flashing.

"What did you call me?" asked Voldemort with more stunned shock than anger, unable to believe his new ears. Hidan laughed, a crazed laugh that was even worse than Voldemort's, then whipped his scythe-like-weapon around to twirl it in one hand.

"Only what you are, ya Jashin-damn heathen." While Voldemort sputtered, Hidan casually observed the blades of his weapon of choice before turning back to the snake-like overlord with an even _more_ evil grin twisting his lips and killer intent slammed into Voldemort, choking him, making him take a single step back. "So I was goin' to have some mercy on you, ya old snake-freak, but you've made me take a different route I'm _really_ glad I can now take. So let's fight it out and I'll leave you bleeding and broken and begging for death on the ground, okay, you motherfucker?"

Voldemort turned paler than usual at the threat and Hidan was on him before he had a chance to scream.

-Summoning of a Jashinist-

"So you mean to say this man," an incredulous Snape gestured weakly in the direction of the blood-covered and satisfied-looking Hidan, standing half a step behind an equally satisfied and faintly smiling Harry, "killed over fifty Death Eaters summoned to the revival of the Dark Lord himself, after utterly _destroying_ the Dark Lord in a way that made more than half of the watchers faint in horror, without getting _so much as a scratch on him_?"

"And he tortured them until they were begging for death, and he managed to survive about twenty Killing Curses sent at him from the few who were still awake when he attacked, yes," chirped Harry. Hidan smirked proudly as Harry watched with unhidden glee as the most feared Professor at Hogwarts and his own personal tormenter slumped into a chair, paler than Voldemort had been after being drained of all his blood, and mumbled something about never doubting the power of a Potter again.

"So where can I get some grub around here?" Hidan asked as he leaned on his blood-coated scythe, a few chunks of gore falling from his cloak/body/weapon at the movement.

Harry smirked back and started to walk, saying over his shoulder, "This way, Hidan. The House Elves'll be more than happy to give you whatever you want to eat."

Following without a second glance at the near-catatonic Snape, Hidan grinned easily and brightly at the thought of food. "Great! Can't fuckin' wait to try some of that 'Treacle Tart' shit You're always goin' on about…"

"It's amazing, you'll love it," Harry assured the Jashinist. Snape nearly keeled over when he heard the last thing Harry said as the two disappeared from hearing/sight range:

"So…mind teaching me how you did that thing with the steel cord?"

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Note (4-1-12): Yeah. You can thank "kiddi" for this bit of literary wonder. He/she was the one who asked me to write an OMAKE/ONESHOT on what would have happened if Harry summoned Hidan into the Graveyard at the end of Book Four. So I did, and I kinda like how it turned out. But I have to say, I never realized this before, but…Voldemort does NOT SHUT UP after he's revived. I mean, holy shit, I was rereading those few chapters and he had literally 12 pages of NONSTOP MONOLOGUING with the only teeny breaks being him torturing someone or his followers begging for forgiveness/understanding. Yeah. What the fuck.

Anyway, Happy Fool's Day, everyone, and I hope you enjoyed this little treat! Next chapter will be up a week from now, hope you can last that long~ ^.^ See you then~! ;)


	9. Episode Six Dead Men Tell No Tales

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Six ****–**** Dead Men Tell No Tales  
><strong>"_What was any art but a mould in which to imprison  
><em>_For a moment  
><em>_The shining, elusive element which is life itself—  
><em>_Life hurrying past us and running away,  
><em>_Too strong to stop,  
><em>_Too sweet to lose.__"  
><em>-Willa Cather

Hidan couldn't believe what he was hearing. No, seriously, he wasn't just being poetic; he honestly _couldn't believe what he was hearing_.

"You're not Itachi, ya fuckin' imposter," he snarled, itching to attack the ghostly shadow-figure even though he knew it would be useless. The imposter-spirit looked honestly surprised by this reaction—well as surprised as a pair of eyes in a mist-cloud could look—as did his companions, although Jashin-sama seemed sad as well. Probably upset that this bitch had lied to 'the only family He had ever known' (yes he'd heard the conversation between Kakuzu and Jashin-sama, which left him torn between horror that arose upon realizing just how much he impacted his God and the unconditional love he felt grow that further ensured his loyalty to Him).

"Why do you say that?" it asked in its unnerving imitation of Itachi's voice. Hidan bared his teeth in a fierce, ironic grin.

"I know Itachi," he growled, clenching his hands and unclenching him, "and the kid wouldn't give up like that. He'd take a chance like this and fuckin' run with it."

"Would I?"

The imposter was disgusting enough to look _amused_ as it asked this question. "Fuck no, _he_ would! The kid fought every day to survive no matter what the hell it took! Fucker had a twisted lung disease—yes I know about it, don't look so fuckin' surprised, anyone with _eyes_ could tell it was there," (On cue, Kakuzu muttered, "A…lung disease?" but was ignored.) "—but he didn't fuckin' give up, did he? ! Suffered every day just to survive, probably to show it to his stupid-ass village that he could make it without them or some twisted sense of duty to his bastard of a brother (who ended up killing him, just like I knew he would, the little motherfucker!), and dammit, he did! !"

The imposter had turned from amused to stunned, eyes fixated on Hidan and the bastardized Sharingan's tomoes no longer turning as even they seemed shocked into stillness, but Hidan wasn't done. He continued, voice rising further until he was sure Deidara could hear him from the afterlife.

"So fuck you and your shitty impression! Uchiha Itachi would take this chance and run with it! I know the little brat, helped raise him after he joined the group, he ain't a quitter; even death wouldn't stand in his way; so I know YOU AIN'T HIM! ! !"

Breathing heavily, Hidan stopped ranting, still glaring at the figure. He could sense Jashin-sama gently soothing him with His Energy, gracious as ever, and whispering soothing nonsense into his mind in an attempt to calm his state, and found the combination was gradually working. Eventually he was almost completely back to normal, staring at the imposter as it processed what had just been said, and watched as the Sharingan slowly melted away into achingly familiar black ovals surrounded by sharply contrasting snowy white.

"Hidan," muttered the imposter. It strangely hesitated, still keeping up the act, then continued in a shockingly gentle tone that Hidan had only heard the real Itachi use to calm Deidara down during one of his frequent nightmares (without the blond knowing, of course). "Hidan. I _am_ sorry. But I finished what I wanted to live to do. Sasuke has killed me, restoring honor to the Uchiha Clan, and now has the opportunity to return to Konoha as a hero. I have been working toward this for years, even since before betraying Konohagakure, and finally achieved it. Now I just wish to rest in peace."

And finally Hidan was convinced that this was Itachi because no one else would be so Jashin-damn self-sacrificing for the sake of some idiot who had spent years just hating him.

"I understand what you're saying, Itachi," Jashin-sama gently contributed, "but are you sure it worked?"

Itachi's gaze went from soft and sorrowful to harsh and flinty in a moment, Sharingan bursting back into life in his anger and training menacingly on Jashin-sama.

"I have planned this for years," he said confidently but without arrogance. "It is the most surefire way I could find to make sure my otouto* is able to gain and keep the life he deserves."

"But no plan is foolproof," Jashin-sama pointed out. "There are always things that can go wrong. I imagine someone with your intellect can think of at least a few."

Itachi was silent, eyes narrowed, but honestly seemed to think on the words. Slowly, he spoke. "There are few ways it could have…unless…" Suddenly Itachi's eyes snapped into Mangekyo Sharingan and Hidan instinctively glanced away for a moment to figure out who the younger one was targeting only to realize it was no one. Or at least, no one Hidan could see. "No."

"No?" Jashin-sama blinked at Itachi curiously. "No one?"

"No," Itachi said, voice icy as he turned back to lock eyes with Jashin-sama, "I have forgotten one factor. The only one who can do something to completely push my otouto onto the wrong path." He paused a moment, eyes still Mangekyo, and cold fury settled into his voice. "Uchiha Madara…"

"The ghost that supposedly haunts this place can influence your brother into being an idiot and not going with the path he's most likely to succeed in," deadpanned Kakuzu, making Hidan remember with a jolt that he was there. Itachi shook his head, once.

"Uchiha Madara is not a ghost. At least, not in the traditional sense of the term."

"What do you mean?" Jashin-sama asked sharply. Itachi didn't hesitate to answer at this point.

"Ghosts are by definition the souls of the dead given enough substance to be seen by the living and occasionally manipulate their surroundings depending on the ghost's strength. But Uchiha Madara is not a ghost in that sense; he is dead, yes, but he can do more than simple parlor tricks. Somehow, he gained the ability to…take over a body."

"Like a dead body?" Hidan wearily asked, remembering Jashin-sama's mention of those 'infernal' creatures the night before. He was initially relieved to see Itachi shake his head until realizing the Spirit's anger had yet to fade and disgust had quickly joined it.

"No. Quite the opposite. In order for Uchiha Madara to take over a body, the owner of that body absolutely must be alive or else _he_ will not be able to live. Luckily there is a further stipulation that the body must be of a direct descendant of his and the last one died roughly twenty years ago. Unfortunately, it seems Uchiha Madara managed to find one, somewhere, without the Clan's knowledge."

"How does he do, and how do you know about, this?" Kakuzu asked instantly with narrowed eyes. Itachi seemed even more incensed by the question.

"It was considered a pride in the Uchiha Clan to be picked as his next vessel even though it was well-known that the victim of his technique was trapped in his own mind as a result, unable to control anything unless Uchiha Madara allowed it. He was rumored to be rather merciful about it in the past as long as there was someone for the victim to be attached to, but once that one person was killed or stopped communicating for a substantial amount of time he delighted in taking away the victim's control on every level for the rest of his stay within their body."

"He's worse than Voldemort," muttered Jashin-sama in disgust, making Hidan snarl silently at the reminder of that bastard. Yeah, he knew about that dude, scared of death enough to split his soul up and kill innocents and torture them through pleasure. Hidan knew that others thought he did the same thing, but at least he had a _purpose_ and _limitations_, like never killing children or priests/nuns (except that one time, fuck you Kakuzu!) and only drawing it out if he had been killed at least twice since his last torture-kill. Plus he only went after other ninja and dying old/mortally wounded civilians, not innocents like _children_ (yes that was a sore point for Hidan)!

"Bless you," Itachi deadpanned, which didn't fail in making Hidan snicker immaturely and Jashin-sama smirk.

"Thanks, but according to some people here I am already a god, so perhaps I should be doing the blessing."

Itachi studied Jashin-sama silently for a long moment before his Sharingan flickered out of existence again. "Then you are Hidan's God?"

"_His_ God, yes," agreed Jashin-sama placidly. "_A_ god…it depends on the perspective I suppose. I was mortal before Hidan connected to me, after all, and can still die…I come back almost instantly but I still can be considered dead for a few moments." He paused a moment, then flipped His hand about. "But yes, I am his Jashin."

"I suppose while I don't agree with the ideals of Jashinism, I should say it is a…pleasure to meet you, Lord Jashin," Itachi said stoically. Hidan felt himself swell and he grinned proudly at Itachi, whom seemed faintly amused by the albino but said nothing on it.

"The ideals of Jashinism?" Jashin-sama was also amused, although for a completely different reason. "And you listen to Hidan when he speaks about them?"

"Of course, it would be rude otherwise." Itachi paused a moment as Kakuzu sent him an almost disappointed look (Hidan decided to do something to the miser later to fuck with him because of it) before continuing his train of thought. "The release of pain…of suffering…is a nice ideal. But when you must cause it in order to release it, I don't believe it to be the best way to base your entire existence upon."

"I agree," Jashin-sama said without hesitation, making Hidan frown for only a moment before Jashin-sama's next words caught his attention with their teasing tone, "and I'm impressed. Even I can barely stay awake through some of Hidan's attempts to explain Jashinism to others."

"Hey!" Hidan snapped, giving Jashin-sama a falsely hurt look.

"Ah, yes," Itachi agreed evenly as both he and Jashin-sama ignored Hidan, "it took a while I admit, but eventually I learned to listen without drifting off. It is an essential skill in life to be able to listen even when not concerned about the matter, after all."

Hidan gaped at the normally stoic man. "What the hell, you, too!"

"I just detach his head," Kakuzu put in casually as if they were speaking about their latest missions back at the Ame base. "It shuts him up…at least for a little while."

"Kakuzu! The fuck? !"

"But then he eventually speaks again," Jashin-sama poked in, smirking, "which is why I like my way better. Simple Silencing Spell and instant relief until I'm ready to suffer through his voice again."

"Stop picking on me~" Hidan whined—and yes, once again, he freely admitted he was whining. Jashin-sama lasted about three more seconds before He burst out in laughter, doubling over and clutching His stomach, as Kakuzu smirked maliciously at Hidan and Itachi loosed a few chuckles. Hidan glared at the three until they calmed. "Can we get back on fuckin' topic now, seriously?"

"I'm afraid that is all I know," Itachi softly admitted as the tone became subdued once more. "And my decision to return or not has not changed. No matter if everything I planned turns out for the best or not, I am done with this life and am ready to join the rest of my family in the Afterlife with the Shinigami…I have finally been given the chance to find even a modicum of peace."

"I understand," Jashin-sama said before Hidan could irritably put in his opinion, giving him a Look. Hidan grudgingly closed his mouth again as Jashin-sama turned back to the spirit with a sorrowful smile. "I can promise you however, Itachi, that I will do my best to ensure your brother is in Konoha safe and sound despite the fact that you won't be joining us."

There was a heavy pause before Itachi softly asked the dreaded question. "And if he is not? Or he decides to go against you?"

Jashin-sama wasted no time in answering honestly. "If I can, I will put him on the right path. If not…well." A bitter smile curled Jashin-sama's lips. "I'm afraid you'll have to see him sooner rather than later."

"That is all I can ask," said Itachi simply. Jashin-sama nodded, wished him luck, told him to tell the Shinigami that the Master of Death said hello and hoped it was doing well, before with a tap of His ring Itachi's spectre disappeared into the rising sun.

-Wrath of Jashin-

"Well that got us shit," Hidan decided when they had officially left the ruins of Itachi's final stand after a brief breakfast they hadn't bothered to eat earlier in the excitement. Jashin-sama's cooking was amazing, as usual, even though Hidan still didn't approve of Him cooking for the mortals when they could do it just fine themselves…with quite a bit of burning admittedly, but hey, better than a God doing it for them!

"It got us information," Kakuzu corrected, irritated once more with walking just another day to Tanzaku Quarters like it was going to kill him or something. Hidan just called him a lazy old fart and dodged the incoming attack with a smirk.

"And good information, as well," Jashin-sama added, ignoring the spat going on between His followers with almost too much expertise, as if He was used to His two companions fighting nearly constantly to the point that others joked they were an old married couple (those people normally lost their heads and/or were sacrificed of course). "We discovered a potential idea of who would be against us…besides the obvious."

"Konoha?" Hidan suggested.

"Suna," added Kakuzu. "Taki will have a new bounty out on my head, as well, and will likely send hunters."

"Deidara pissed off the Iwa high-fuck-ups pretty bad, so that'll be fun."

"Not to mention so many smaller villages that would like to gain status."

"What about Orochimaru? He'd love to get his slimy hands on us to be experiments," Hidan said with a nasty look on his face. Kakuzu seemed surprised by the question.

"Didn't I tell you? He was killed."

"Seriously? Fuck yeah! ! Gotta give a high-five whoever did that shit, man, hated that pedophilic motherfucker…"

"It was Sasuke," Kakuzu said with an odd mix of hatred and respect.

"…never mind, no high five," grumbled Hidan irritably. Jashin-sama had been watching the two verbally spar this whole time with amusement and finally put in His own opinion.

"There may be some of the Akatsuki who won't enjoy us resurrecting their members and forcing them to swear alliance to a different leader," He said pointedly. Hidan couldn't help but snort at the thought.

"We ain't forcin' them to do jack shit. 'Sides, Pein-in-the-ass was big on us all 'sticking together' and bull like that. Honestly, though, I think he just wanted to 'stick' something 'together' with Konan's pussy…"

Jashin-sama turned bright red with a little squeaking sound and even Kakuzu, used to his partner's lack of filter and having lived long enough to have heard almost every perverted thing ever uttered, choked on the air he was breathing and went into a prolonged coughing fit. Hidan smirked triumphantly at their reactions; it was so easy to fuck with people, really, how could he resist?

"ANYWAY," Jashin-sama loudly said, clearing His throat and trying to look as professional as He could while His face was about the same color as Hidan's eyes, "there are other members who might not be as happy."

"Who wouldn't be happy? Tobi?" Hidan asked, then burst out laughing at his own joke. Kakuzu recovered enough to roll his eyes and Jashin-sama shrugged.

"It's possible. I'm just trying to think ahead for once."

"Don't," Kakuzu advised bluntly. "From what little I have heard of your previous, ah, 'adventures,' you thinking ahead just leads to problems."

Jashin-sama didn't even bother to deny it, just shrugging His shoulders again. "Fair enough," agreed He before dropping the subject.

It was the end of the day when they arrived at Tanzaku Quarters and made camp just outside of the huge cement barrier protecting the village from the ninja battles known to happen in the area, very much like the one Deidara had been in not long ago. Nothing exciting happened (that Hidan was aware of, at least) and the next morning he woke up before the sun to disgusting-smelling water being poured liberally over his body.

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it, dear Hidan?" Jashin-sama queried in His odd purr that made Hidan want to curl up in a corner and die a little in fear. "By the way, I got that water from some nice women out doing their laundry by the lake for their construction-working husbands. You may want to check and make sure their workday stench didn't rub off on you."

So about an hour of furious scrubbing and promises never to prank Jashin-sama again _EVER_, Hidan was back at their makeshift camp in fresh clothes (and a damn shirt because Jashin-sama had given it to him with a strangely terrifying smirk in place that dared him not to do as suggested just so He could retaliate). Kakuzu soon after led his companions to the sight of Deidara's death.

Hidan couldn't help but let out an impressed whistle at the huge crater left by Deidara's final(ish) attack. "Well, kid certainly left with a bang," he said casually as he examined the rough edges of the crater. Jashin-sama gave him an amused look before turning on His heel, disappearing with only the sound of displaced air and reappearing in the very center of the chasm.

"This will be the best place to summon him, I imagine," He called up to Hidan and Kakuzu as they stayed along the edges. "You two sure you don't want to be down here to greet him?"

"We will see him when and if he is brought back," Kakuzu said in a voice only slightly above speaking volume. "Until then we will watch for anyone coming to investigate and make sure the rebuilding of his body goes as well as it can."

Jashin-sama nodded in approval even though Hidan felt uneasy. His God had warned them the resurrection of Deidara was likely to be painful for Him due to the fact that He had to completely rebuild the bomber's body from virtual scratch using only the blond's lingering energy and minute cells in the air as a base. Of course, first they had to get permission, but Hidan had no doubt Deidara would be pissed as fuck when he realized Sas-gay (_'Original,'_ Jashin-sama dryly thought through their link, obviously following his train of thought) had survived his "Ultimate Art" and would demand to be brought back at any cost.

For the third time that Hidan had seen, Jashin-sama stroked His ring rhythmically, making it glow. Then the glow seemed to hesitate before reaching out, surrounding the whole of Jashin-sama, soon retreating and forming another shadowy body. Two (although Hidan was used to only seeing one) slanted sky-blue eyes were instantly trained on Jashin-sama.

"Deidara?" asked Jashin-sama gently, much as He had when Itachi first appeared. The eyes narrowed faintly and from his distance, Hidan could barely hear the response.

"Do I know you, un?" he asked in a familiar deep yet lilting tone, seeming faintly annoyed but mostly curious. Jashin-sama smiled and inclined His head.

"In a way, perhaps. You likely heard my name from my follower, Hidan…"

There was a lengthy pause, one of the many Hidan had come to expect in response to his God's true self, then something he most certainly _didn't_ expect.

Deidara's Spirit laughed. Hysterically.

Jashin-sama watched, as bemused as Hidan and Kakuzu, as the bomber's smoky form doubled over and laughed for what felt like hours (it was only about twenty-eight seconds). Eventually he recovered and straightened, staring at Jashin-sama with amused resignation.

"So I was shit wrong with my idea of the Afterlife, yeah," he mused, seemingly more to himself than to Jashin-sama. "So what, eternity of torture or something?"

"Not quite," chuckled Jashin-sama as He understood the misunderstanding. "I suppose it would be a stupid and redundant question to ask if you're aware of your death."

A bloodthirsty gleam lit to Deidara's eyes, undoubtedly matching a shit-eating grin that Hidan proudly claimed he had taught the blond dunce years ago. "Just about. I'm pretty sure I went the way I wanted, too, with an impressive bang! that left an impression on everyone who saw it, made them realize just how fleeting truly striking art is! The beauty of my art, the power of _Art of a Single Moment_! ! !"

"Certainly is impressive." Jashin-sama made a show of looking at the crater they were in and Deidara eagerly swelled at the praise, unused to anyone listening to him anymore when it came to his art—most of the Akatsuki, excluding Hidan for obvious reasons and Itachi for not so obvious ones, had quickly tuned him out after hearing half the spiel once. "Worthy of being your final work of art."

After preening for a moment (because Deidara was an attention hog as much as Hidan himself was), Deidara became fixated on the current topic, eyes showing his seriousness. "So, what happens now, un?" he asked with his signature speech impediment/habit. "You drag me to some twisted form of Hell or something?"

"I could, I suppose," mused Jashin-sama, making Hidan go wide-eyed in shock. The God continued almost casually, conversationally. "As Master of Death, I could request for the Shinigami to send you somewhere in particular. But that isn't why I called you here and interrupted what would theoretically be 'the next great adventure'."

The words were said with a bit of sad amusement that only Hidan seemed to get, although Deidara's gaze was faintly suspicious.

"Why did you 'call' me then?" he wearily asked. "Not just to chat about art, hmm."

"No, not quite, although I do enjoy art quite a bit myself," Jashin-sama admitted. Kakuzu looked like he wanted to slam his head into a tree to get away from the dragging conversation while Hidan smirked in amusement at the miser's pain. Anything that upset Kakuzu made him happy, after all. "No, I wanted to know if you would like to take the chance to come back to life."

Deidara seemed stunned, eyes widening to the point that Hidan morbidly wondered if they would fall out. Eventually the blond recovered and abruptly narrowed them again. "…what's the catch?"

Jashin-sama smiled again. "Simply that you have to allow me to rebuild your body, return your soul to it, then bond with me in the most basic form of the Spell of Jashin which would allow you to have relative immortality. I know you've seen Hidan in battle."

Blue eyes crinkled in what Hidan would swear was disgust if it weren't for the fact that it wasn't. Seriously, it wasn't. He wasn't in denial. Seriously! "Yeah, un," he muttered with a movement that was almost a shudder. He gazed at Jashin-sama for a long moment before closing his eyes. "Sorry, gunna have to pass. I just got out of servitude to one crazy 'god' and I don't wanna deal with being stuck with another."

"That's exactly what Itachi said," mumbled Jashin-sama with a low noise of annoyance that Hidan only caught from his distance because he was looking for it. Deidara's eyes snapped open and trained instantly on Jashin-sama.

"…what did you say, un?"

His voice was surprisingly dry-sounding as he said that and Jashin-sama blinked. "Er. Itachi. Uchiha Itachi. He was part of the Akatsuki as well?"

"I know who he is," snapped Deidara, "I want to know what the fuck you're talking about. Someone killed Itachi, hmm?"

"His little brother, actually, Sasuke," Jashin-sama said without hesitation.

An awkward silence fell.

"Bullshit, now I know you're lying to me," snarled Deidara venomously. "I killed that kid, yeah! Blew him up in my final attack!"

Jashin-sama looked faintly exasperated. "Sorry, but that's not true. You may think you did but I know for a fact he was alive. Itachi's soul was the one to tell me that Sasuke was the one to kill him and survive the battle, and since he died after you…" he trailed off as Deidara's eyes became unfocused.

Silence, heavier this time, weighted with thoughts and words and emotions. Hidan smirked from his spot up on the edge of the crater, knowing the result even as Deidara deadpanned,

"I'm in. Do whatever the fuck you have to. Just let me pound that unartistic Uchiha asshole into the ground, yeah?" he asked/commanded, eyes gleaming with malice. Jashin-sama nodded, clearly bemused, although He probably just appeared blank to anyone other than Hidan.

"Just to warn you, I have to completely rebuild your body first," said Jashin-sama rather casually as He pulled out the stick He used to channel His mighty power. "And the rebuilding process involves you gaining some of my traits, physical usually, and I some of yours—usually something simple like hair consistency or eye coloring, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was much more extreme since I need to start from scratch."

"Whatever, just do it, would You?"

Jashin-sama stared blankly at Deidara at the respectful pronoun and Hidan fist-pumped proudly. Yes, another who would treat his God as He deserved! Fuck yeah!

'_Shut up, Hidan,'_ Jashin-sama thought to him with fond exasperation. Hidan smirked and flipped a salute Jashin-sama couldn't see as He raised His hands and took a deep breath.

"Reverto Somnes ut Vita," He said, words dripping power.

The process was much like how Hidan remembered for rebuilding the missing pieces of his own body, only…for the whole of Deidara's body. Bone formed under four sets of eyes, two shocked, one fascinated, one concentrating forcefully, then organs formed, then soft tissue and muscles and finally skin stretched over the whole of the body. The process couldn't have taken more than two or three minutes, yet Jashin-sama was visibly drained and looked like He had run a marathon, sweat dripping down His face, His whole posture slumping awkwardly. He managed to hold it together just long enough to do the Soul-body-binding technique He had used with Kakuzu.

And just like when Kakuzu's Soul was returned to his body, the eyes instantly opened, nothing visibly changed by the procedure. Everything seemed to have gone fine. Long, draining, but fine.

That was the time that Jashin-sama let out a positively blood-curdling, inhuman scream.

-END-

*otouto - An affectionate term for one's little brother. I just always found it cuter than saying "Little Brother" and decided to roll with it.

MKL's Post-Production Notes (4-6-12): Yet another early update. I just spoil you guys, don't I? ^.^ Lol. Anyway, yes, this is the official end to the asking of Itachi. We won't bother him again for quite some time, although I will admit he will be cameoing in the future should certain bits of information be needed soon-ish. I was surprised at the vehement responses of you guys on the poll, though; so many want to kill and/or maim me...er... -holds up puppy near face- Don't kill me? -both stare at readers with "puppydog eyes"-

Deidara's such a fun character to write. He's impulsive, has anger issues, yet is the most childish and potentially cheerful of the members with the notable exception of Tobi (because Tobi is a good boy~). I had fun writing his response to Harry/Jashin, especially since it seemed we were in an endless loop of shock-doubt-acceptance from everyone so far. For Deidara it's more like acceptance-doubt-convinction. On another note, there is a new poll on my profile that will be up for quite a while and will definitely affect the story. I've been debating whether or not I should include Killer Bee in the story. My original notes say "no," since this is about where I stopped reading the manga myself (although I do keep up with the updates on characters...poor Itachi just keeps being dragged into shit he doesn't want to do eh?), but I figured I'd ask you guys since it will only mildly affect the overall plot I have planned and I was planning on asking your opinions anyway. So for real this time, the poll will determine a semi-major plotpoint to the story and isn't just me being curious, so go check it out...after you review, of course. ;)


	10. Episode Seven Language of Explosives

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Seven ****–**** Language of Explosives  
><strong>"_As I was going up the stair  
><em>_I met a man who wasn't there  
><em>_He wasn't there again today  
><em>_I wish, I wish he'd stay away__."  
><em>-Hughes Mearns

He had no idea what was happening. He had no idea of anything, really, from where he was to what was going on to what he looked like to even his name. All he knew was pain, all-numbing, all-encompassing, surrounding and infiltrating and strangling him. Somewhere just outside the pain he could sense some…one?thing? that seemed frantic, that was trying to reach him through the pain, and he stretched out to that some-onething and grabbed and _pulled_.

Blissful oblivion met him.

-Wrath of Jashin-

There were two people that he could see. One, a blond wearing too much orange under a burning coat, face blurred out of focus. The other, a pale orange-haired young man who gave off an aura of decay with many piercings and ringed grey eyes.

"Are you the one who brought back those bastards?" snapped the blond in a voice as fuzzy as his face. The grey eyes stared unblinkingly, the rings hypnotizing.

"I don't know what you mean," the other deadpanned in a voice that was much clearer, deeper, calm yet sharp at the same time. A deep sense of pain seemed to lace each word despite the lack of (visible?) physical wounds on the man.

"The Akatsuki, the ones who died! I know for a fact Hidan and Kakuzu were somehow brought back!"

The elder man gave a sharp blink. "Someone has revived them?"

"You didn't know?" the blond asked, suddenly slumping slightly. There was a pause before the strange eyes of the man became hard again.

"That doesn't matter right now. Weren't you going to stop my vision of 'peace'?"

Fog drifted, hiding the scene, then from the fog a voice, soft tenor, young, but so fearful and pleading:

"Wh-whoever you are…plea-ease…h-h-help me…stop him…"

And then

Harry sat up with a jolt and a gasp, wincing as his eyes opened and sweat dripped into them. He simply sat there, blinking at a formless mass before him, but eventually his dazed state was snapped to attention.

"Hey, You're awake, yeah," drawled a voice that Harry identified after a moment as that of Deidara. Quickly the green-eyed man turned and blinked rapidly at the blurry form before him, notable only for its long, strongly yellow hair falling to cover half of what Harry assumed to be its face. "Oh right, You use glasses. Here, un."

Calloused fingers pushed metal and glass into Harry's hand and quickly he put the familiar frames in place, clearing the image to one of a faintly amused/concerned-looking Deidara with the majority of his hair pulled into a low ponytail and part over one eye. He looked the same as Harry had noted earlier, with notably boyish features and slanted blue eyes surrounded with black tattoos; he was as thin as Harry but shorter by a good two inches and looking much healthier overall. Of course he also now had clothes on, which was a major difference from the last time Harry had seen him, which hid the strange scar/tattoo on his chest from view.

"Deidara," Harry greeted softly, wincing at how raw his throat sounded. "Ugh."

"You were screaming pretty loudly," Deidara noted conversationally, single baby-blue orb trained on Harry's face despite his nearly flippant tone. Harry stared back blankly for a moment before glancing around to find the glass of water he just knew Hidan would have left (sure enough, it was right next to his bed). "What, You don't remember?"

"Not…really." Harry paused here and glanced over. "Are you alright?"

A startled laugh escaped Deidara and the blond pulled a wry grin, shaking his head as Harry watched queerly. "Me? Really, un? Wow, no wonder Hidan likes You so much—You're good for a guy's ego, caring more about some guy You just met than Yourself."

"I've been through worse," Harry said with a sardonic grin of his own, "and I have been told I have a bit of a saving-people-thing." He paused here. "But you never answered my question."

"I'm fine, yeah," Deidara assured with a casual flip of his hand. Then he paused a moment and eyed Harry strangely, exact emotions unreadable. "…although I did wake up with an interesting new ability."

"Ability?" Harry jerked his head to stare into Deidara's eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Don't worry, Hidan and Kakuzu already explained the whole exchanging-traits thing." But that wasn't quite what Harry was worried about (at the moment at least); he was more worried about whatever potentially-destructive power Deidara had gained. What if he had somehow unlocked Deidara's magic? Oh God, he could just picture what would happen, the horrid explosions that would rock the world…not to mention how he would have to TEACH _again_… "You haven't noticed yet?"

"Noticed what?" asked Harry blankly. Deidara smirked at him, leaning back in the chair he was perched on.

"We've been using it, un," he said simply. It took a few minutes for Harry to understand and glance over the conversation in his mind. Sure enough, he now recognized the sibilant sounds of Parseltongue throughout their words.

"Oh. Parseltongue."

"Is that what it's called?" Deidara seemed rather interested. "The snakes outside just called it the 'Language of Serpents' and said I wasn't a 'natural Speaker' yet seemed pretty good at it, yeah."

"Parseltongue is the name given by humans, but snakes do call it the 'Language of Serpents,' yes," agreed Harry quietly. "It's a very rare ability transferred through families mainly, with few exceptions. Where I come from it is also considered a Dark trait."

"Huh," was all Deidara said, not seeming at all put off by the label. There was a thoughtful silence before he jokingly said, "Well You don't have any strangely-placed mouths on Your body so I don't know what You received from me. Hopefully something as cool as an animal-language people can't just learn, un."

A chuckle fell from Harry's lips, then he abruptly sensed Hidan rushing to see him. Before he could warn Deidara, however, Hidan suddenly burst into the room and almost literally tackled him back on his bed. An, "oof," escaped the smaller man and he found himself pinned to the mattress with worried purple-pink eyes boring into his own.

"You're awake!" shouted Hidan like it wasn't already obvious. Harry was torn between laughing and crying, settling for a sound that was a cross between the two; Hidan didn't seem to notice and continued to babble. "Jashin-sama, You scared the shit out of me! You've been out for nearly three fuckin' days! I know You said the whole body-rebuilding-shit would be dangerous, but seriously, _what_ the _fuck_? ? !"

"Hidan," Harry began emotionally, making the albino instantly fall silent. He paused for dramatic effect before sharply shoving Hidan hard enough to send him tumbling to the floor with a loud cry of surprise. "You don't literally _jump_ on someone who's been unconscious for three days."

Deidara burst out in uncontrollable laughter as Hidan began to curse rapidly, more at himself than at Harry, while Harry sat up again with a self-satisfied expression in place. He loved Hidan with all his heart (he would freely admit that to anyone who bothered to ask) but honestly, the man was an impulsive idiot sometimes. Alright, most of the time.

"Shut up!" Hidan snarled/whined upon hearing Harry's train of thought, earning a chuckle from Harry. Kakuzu soon appeared in the doorway of the bedroom and simply stared at the red-faced Hidan, the still-laughing Deidara, and the satisfied-looking Harry.

"Clearly you're doing better than I expected," he dryly told Harry, who merely gave an amused shrug. "I assume you're hungry; you're just in time for some lunch, if you feel up to it."

On cue, Harry's stomach growled and he quickly agreed, standing on wobbly legs (Hidan hovering at his side despite his scowl in case Harry tripped/stumbled/whatever). Soon he was seated at the table in the small kitchen eating a bowl of plain ramen with as much dignity as he could muster at his breakneck pace.

"So," began Harry after he had finished, leaning back in his chair with a wince as his now-full-to-bursting stomach protested, "what's happened since I fell unconscious? Other than Deidara gaining an affinity for charming snakes, I mean."

Deidara smirked at the mention of his new ability, but Kakuzu looked grave and Hidan scowled deeply to hide what Harry could sense was irritated worry.

"You remember that strange quake we felt on our way to see Itachi's Spirit," Kakuzu said more than asked. Harry nodded, anyway, dread filling his mind…this would not be good. "As it turns out, Leader—Pein—attacked and destroyed Konoha, killing virtually everyone in the village."

Harry sucked in a breath, Deidara sobering at the announcement with a grim expression in place.

"He eventually battled with the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki and ended up losing."

"So he and the Village of the Leaves are dead," summarized Harry blandly, aware he was bottling his emotions and not finding it in him to dredge them to the surface.

"The Village was, yes," Kakuzu agreed. Harry blinked, feeling stupid, and Kakuzu easily continued. "It turns out that the Rinnengan, Pein's doujutsu, allows him to bring scores of dead back to life at the cost of his own. As such, his final act was to revive those killed within Konoha before he succumbed to his injuries."

Harry felt his brain sputter to a stop. "Wh…what?" Seeming to realize this was rhetorical, Kakuzu remained silent, allowing the thunderstruck Harry to process what had been said. "That's…incredible."

"You can do the same thing, un," Deidara dryly pointed out. Harry shook his head, feeling like he was having a severe out-of-body experience.

"Not on that scale," he said quietly. "Theoretically, I suppose, I could expand the power of the Resurrection Stone to mimic the effects, but I wouldn't be able to restore their bodies to a state that would support the reentry of their souls at the same time. It would be the equivalent of just bringing the village back to life only to let it die again in moments as they again succumb to their injuries. The fact that 'Pein' could not only summon and return the spirits to the villager's bodies, but also restore those bodies so it allows them to live as if nothing happened… ...well, I'm not surprised it took his life."

The group spent a few moments soaking in this astounding announcement.

Finally, Harry broke the uneasy silence. "Is there anything else?"

"There is a rumor that Konan took Pein's Deva Path and what seems to be his original body to Amegakure to be entombed, but otherwise no," Kakuzu said with a shake of his head.

"Where do you get this information, un?" Deidara suddenly asked, grudgingly fascinated. "Sounds like the type of things you'd need spies in high-ranking places to learn…"

Kakuzu gave Deidara a blank look. "You do not live as long as I have without making connections. Although my information network is nothing compared to what Sasori's once was, it is more than enough to find the news we need to proceed."

Deidara wilted at the mention of what Harry vaguely remembered to be his once-partner of the Akatsuki before visibly brightening and turning to Harry.

"Can we get him next, yeah?" the blond asked with clear excitement at the thought. He looked so much like Fleur Delacour-Weasley after finding out she was pregnant that Harry couldn't help but smile faintly.

"We can make a detour and stop there on our way to Ame," Harry assured the blond, snickering when he fist-pumped and began blabbering to Hidan about how he could finally prove to Sasori that art was fleeting and his skills were _clearly_ better. Hidan put on an annoyed expression but Harry could feel his amusement through their link and shot him a knowing smirk.

"It will take five days to get to the old Akatsuki-cave at the pace we have been taking, then approximately four more to get to Ame," Kakuzu announced with an annoyed look at the thought. Harry stifled a smirk at the almost petulant tone of the miser's voice.

"I'm sure we'll all survive."

Kakuzu glowered at Harry, but said nothing else.

"For now, I think we should take a day or two for me to fully recover, then we can start toward this 'cave' of yours," the Jashin went on. "In the meantime Kakuzu can see what other information he can gather and the three of you can work toward making sure your abilities are in top shape. Who knows what we'll run into on the way there."

"Only problem with that," Deidara glumly said, "is that I don't have any clay or money."

A faint smirk crossed Harry's lips and he twisted his hand in the air, silently and wandlessly Summoning his endless rucksack and then furthermore Summoning a Galleon from its depths. Deidara gaped openly at the gold and Harry held it out to him with a simple and amused, "Go crazy."

Deidara openly whooped and took it without further prodding, excitedly prattling to Hidan about how much clay he could buy, and clothes of course because the shit they had here was awful, un, and some packs for his clay, too, because the old ones were destroyed, and maybe even some kunai and shuriken—and do you want me to grab some extra, because this is fuckin' AWESOME and I'll probably still have some left over, yeah? !

Harry simply settled back with the cup of tea Kakuzu had absently handed to him and a faint smile at the blond's excitement. There was no doubt that with this new addition to their little group, things would definitely be much more lively and cheerful than before.

-Wrath of Jashin-

It was at the end of the day, after Deidara had returned from his trip and Hidan had his head cut off by Kakuzu in a spar (again), that Harry finally found out what he had gained from Deidara. Everything had been silent in the house, Kakuzu sitting smugly in the corner reading a book Harry had provided on some of the darker rituals he had come across in the Black Library, Hidan silently praying in the corner to Harry even though "He" was in the room with the Jashinist (Harry ignored the prattling and honestly rather absentminded thoughts from his dear follower), and Harry himself simply going through his mind and sorting information. The resident blond had been outside for a while practicing his techniques.

Then, of course, came the event:

"Jashin-sama, hey, You wanna see some of my art, un?" Deidara asked enthusiastically, nearly bouncing into the room. Harry blinked his eyes open and took a moment to process the request of his newest ward.

"Why not?" Harry said with a shrug, standing up and slipping into the cloak he had shed after an earlier walk. Deidara's eyes lit up and he grinned widely at Harry, grabbing the slightly taller one's hand and almost literally dragging him out the door. Harry could sense the other two's amusement and neither made a move to follow.

Once outside, Deidara let go of Harry's hand (much to the elder's relief; he swore there was a tongue…) and pulled a clump of clay out of the new packs on his hips, charmed by request to be bottomless. Soon a beautifully detailed figurine was emerging from his hand-mouth…a familiar figurine.

Harry felt his throat close up at the sight of an owl that looked remarkably like Hedwig, his first friend, spread its wings, each feather magnificently detailed, and then it took off, riding the air currents. The "feathers" ruffled in the wind, the owl swooping over Harry's head, and he exhaled loudly.

Deidara's amusement and pride was palpable without the emotional link he had yet to connect to, but Harry was too busy feeling the memories of his truest friend and only Familiar bubble up to really care. It was almost like Hedwig was flying again…

"Katsu!"

…and then she was gone in a fiery explosion.

_Again._

Deidara was saying something but Harry couldn't hear him over the static in his ears. Despair began, but anger quickly overtook Harry; anger at himself for not being able to save Hedwig; anger at the one who shot her down; anger at Deidara for _killing her again_—

BOOM!

A shrill scream broke the air and Harry whirled to stare, wide-eyed, at the equally wide-eyed Deidara, the blond's gaze at the small, smoking crater that was where his foot once stood.

The two connected gazes, Deidara seeming at first almost frightened but gradually turning excited, but before Harry could ask what the _bloody hell_ just happened he had Hidan in his face with worried pink-purple eyes and Kakuzu at his other side with a kunai.

"Jashin-sama, did this fucker hurt You?" snarled Hidan, not looking at Deidara despite his harsh almost-threatening tone. Harry could only stare for a long moment until he noticed Kakuzu now had Deidara at knifepoint, holding him in a half-nelson with a kunai at the younger's throat.

"Kakuzu, stop!" Harry snapped angrily. "He did nothing!"

Deidara's shoulders remained tense until Kakuzu slowly pulled the knife away, realization lighting up in his eyes; Harry nodded to the unspoken question.

"What the fuck?" Hidan asked, taking a step back and looking narrow-eyed at his 'God'. "Then why were You so fuckin' pissed, right before _and_ after a Jashin-damn explosion! ?"

"'Cause that's how the 'Bakudan' Kekkei Genkai is originally activated, yeah," said Deidara, rubbing his neck and still staring at Harry with confused amazement. "Extreme emotions."

There was a long silence as Hidan processed this, then turned to Harry with false hostility. "Fuckin' great, now You and the damn girl" ("HEY! ! !") "both'll be blowin' shit up."

"Isn't this 'Kekkei Genkai' used by chakra?" Harry asked numbly, back to staring at the crater he had apparently created. At Deidara's agreement, Harry finally raised his gaze to lock with Hidan's. "I can't use chakra."

"What!" were the responses of Deidara and Kakuzu, Deidara shocked and Kakuzu narrow-eyed. Harry simply nodded, eyes still locked on Hidan's.

"I use my spiritual energy and physical energy to do my spells, but I have been trying for ten years now to mix them so I can do your techniques…and the closest I can get are twisting them around each other. My spells can do approximations and improvements upon your jutsu but I can't do the techniques themselves. Unless…"

Harry drifted off thoughtfully then realization hit courtesy of Hidan shoving the thought into his brain with enthusiastic joy.

"That's what I got from Hidan," he whispered in shock, his long-time follower now smirking triumphantly, "the ability to mould chakra. That's why I could use it, even accidently."

Deidara suddenly whooped in joy and lunged forward to half-tackle Harry in a hug, already blabbering on about all the wonderful art they could create and how amazing it would be. Kakuzu had by this time relaxed and was watching with faint annoyance/amusement at the scene.

No one and nothing except the back of Harry's mind noticed the seething jealousy slowly forming within Hidan…

-END-

MKL's Post-Production Notes (4-25-12): Okay, a few things to address in this note. First off, congradulations and a happy shout-out to the only one who correctly guessed what Harry would be getting from Deidara, namely the kekkei genkai we all know and love him for! In honor of this achievment, **phoenixyfriend** has been given the chance to decide a major plotpoint: whether Konan dies or lives before Harry and Co. get to Ame. I won't tell the rest of you either way, but the reasoning was sound and works out wonderfully!

Second, a lot of reviewers have been worried I'll stop writing this. Believe me when I say NO! ! I've got two more pre-written chapters as buffers and the outline for the rest of the story all set up and ready. I've estimated that the story will be between 20 and 25 chapters (minus interludes and omake/bonus chapters) so you all will have plenty to enjoy before it's done. The final note I'd like to say is that I've gotten lotsa requests for omakes. No worries, all, they WILL be done! Not right away, but soon, to be sure. The next Interlude will be chock full of fun! ! After the serious stuff, of course. ^.^


	11. MayDay Special Answer Your Reviews

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: Another request, another oneshot/omake…this time, MKL-fan (whose name I give mad props xD) has asked Hidan to respond to some of my reviews. So let's see what our favorite Jashinist and a select few others have to say! ;3

**May Day Special:  
><strong>**Hidan (And Co.) Answer(s) Your Reviews!  
><strong>"_Eagles may soar,  
><em>_But weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."  
><em>-Steven Wright

Hidan was confused as fuck. One moment, he had been slightly jealously staring at Deidara; the next, he was standing in a strange room with a fireplace and squishy armchairs with Jashin-sama next to him, Deidara across from him, Kakuzu standing next to Deidara, and the spirit of Itachi hovering nearby with confusion.

"What the fuck?" asked Hidan, voicing everyone's confusion. Jashin-sama blinked dazedly, then his gaze sharpened as a piece of thick paper appeared in front of him and he reached out to grab it, eyes scanning the words. He looked steadily more incredulous as he looked over the words within.

"Does it explain where we are and why?" Kakuzu asked. Jashin-sama glanced up at him with confused, identical green eyes.

"Um, we're in the Gryffindor Common Room from my home dimension, but I don't know how or why. The letter doesn't explain much," he added slowly.

"What's it say, un?" Deidara wondered, plopping down on the chair and Itachi's ghost-spirit-thing drifting over with stoic confusion.

Jashin-sama was silent for a moment before clearing his throat and reading it aloud:

_Hello MKL!  
><em>_Happy to see you working so hard on one of my favourite stories! Yay!  
><em>_I was just wondering, in response to the last part of your own response in  
><em>_chapter 6, if I could wheedle you into writing a one-shot/drabble of an actual  
><em>_Hidan response to one or two reviews you have been given...  
><em>_Can you imagine how fun that would be? (PleasePleasePlease...)  
><em>_Keep up your fabulous work!  
><em>_MKL fan_

Silence followed.

"The fuck?" was Hidan's eloquent response.

"Stories and chapters?" Kakuzu echoed.

"I guess we have to read some comments on some 'story' with Hidan in it and answer them," Jashin-sama slowly said. He glanced up and blinked at Itachi. "Oh, hi, Itachi."

Deidara jumped about a foot in the air and whirled around to stare with a gape at Itachi, who ignored the blond and instead nodded at Jashin-sama politely.

"Let's get this shit over with," grumbled Hidan, sitting down on a couch and yanking Jashin-sama to sit next to him. Itachi continued to hover near Deidara and Kakuzu carefully took the last available chair, across from Hidan and next to Deidara/Itachi.

Another piece of paper appeared, this time in front of Kakuzu, and the original disappeared at the same time from Jashin-sama's hands. There was only a moment of hesitation before Kakuzu cautiously read aloud:

_hehehehe this is interesting and poor harry stuck with hidan jeez he'll be cursing like a sailor in no time *overly dramatic fake faint* hidans going to corrupt poor little harry WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? hehehehe i dont think id ever describe hidan as a silver haired adonis but okay harry! have fun there! hehehe  
><em>_-__Shinigami's-Neko-Gaki_

There was an awkward silence as Kakuzu wondered what the fuck just happened.

"Luckily, I am _not_ cursing like a sailor," Jashin-sama suddenly said, looking curiously more amused than anything. "I'm more than used to Hidan's swearing. It's not really going to affect me anymore."

"What the fuck do you mean 'poor Harry'! ?" snarled Hidan, the only one aware of Jashin-sama's real name. Then he seemed to realize the end and turned to stare incredulously at his God. "…wait. 'Silver haired Adonis'?" Jashin-sama turned bright red and a twisted smirk lit up Hidan's face as he nearly purred. "Well, Jashin-sama, I had no idea You felt that way…seems to me You've got good taste."

"Horrible taste, more like it," Kakuzu drawled. Hidan turned to glare at him.

"Shut the fuck up, miser! Don't insult Jashin-sama! !"

"It was less insulting Jashin-sama and more insulting you, Hidan," Itachi cut in. Hidan glared at the weasel instead but before he could say anything another piece of paper appeared in front of his face. He blinked stupidly at it as he slowly took it.

"Better read it, un," Deidara drawled, glaring at Itachi out of the corner of his eye. "Don't want to be stuck here any longer than necessary, yeah?"

Hidan grumbled, but read:

_I really love your story so far. I adore the similarities of the Deadly Hallows with Jashin's symbol. Question - did Harry take some of his wealth too? He made Teddy the new head of Black but what happened with the Potter fortune? Thanks for the update and keep up the excellent writing!  
><em>_-Vain Gloriousness_

"How do they know about that?" wondered Jashin-sama, bemused. Ignoring the stares of the others, he answered musingly, "I only took the money from my trust fund, which is more than enough to get by given the value of gold, silver, and bronze in most if not every universe. Teddy's the Heir to the Black and Potter fortunes…even if Phineas doesn't know it."

"Who what now?" Deidara blankly asked. Jashin-sama ignored him and another piece of paper appeared, this time in front of said blond, who scowled faintly at it before reading:

_I actually laughed at the part where Hidan thanked Jashin for him not falling. Having your incarnated god with you must be really confusing.  
><em>_-JuMiKu_

"Fuck yeah it's confusing," Hidan agreed with an eye-roll. "I mean seriously! Known Him forever but He's never been able to really affect anything, so it's weird as shit. And confusing. By Jashin-sama, it's SO confusing."

"It would be easier if used 'Kami' like the rest of us," Kakuzu dryly pointed out. Hidan glared at the dark-skinned nin.

"Like hell I will! No one's more of a God than my Jashin-sama, and I won't sully His name by claiming another as my God in any way! ! !"

"Dear Merlin, he's relentless," Jashin-sama muttered, facepalming. "Hidan, I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times—I'm not offended if you say someone else's name in vain."

"It'd actually be better, theoretically," Itachi said softly. "Instead of insulting your Jashin-sama by using his name as a swear."

Hidan turned red, but said nothing more. This time the letter appeared in front of Itachi, who tonelessly read it without preamble:

_Duh, now I had the mental image of Harry reviving the S class criminals and bringing them back to his own world for a good ole rampage.  
><em>_This is why he needs Kakuzu, someone needs to make plans for the future!  
><em>_-Barranca_

Jashin-sama paled visibly at the first sentence and shuddered. "I want to make it clear right now, if any of you somehow end up in my world, you WILL NOT kill anyone without a good reason," said He sternly. Then He paused before adding, "Good reason by _my_ standards, _not_ yours."

Deidara deflated and grumbled something about art while Hidan mentally cursed at the idea of not being able to kill some of the assholes that he knew tortured Jashin-sama emotionally and sometimes physically in His world. Maybe if he phrased it just right, Jashin-sama would give His consent…

Kakuzu looked pleased at his part. "It is good to know someone has appreciation for my talents," he said smugly.

"What, at bein' a bitch?" sneered Hidan. Kakuzu's expression turned to anger and without looking, he slashed Hidan's head from his shoulders, sending his body tumbling to crumble on the floor as the head let out a stream of curses. Itachi looked faintly annoyed, Deidara rolled his eyes, and Jashin-sama looked ill for a moment before seeming to recover.

"Now you have to fix him," his Deity said smugly. Kakuzu scowled and Hidan smirked up at the man, watching him put his head back on and stitch it back to his body as a new paper appeared before Jashin-sama.

_Awesome :3 It's nice that Harry isn't omnipotent; it would be boring if he was, because his moments of surprise and just /not knowing/ are adorable~ Is it too terrible that I absolutely cannot wait for Harry/Jashin-sama + resurrected!Akatsuki to 'face off' against, say, Konoha? Maybe not in combat, but just a confrontation, just to see the floored expressions on their faces? I mean, Harry really doesn't look like much, and yet XD  
><em>_Hmm, a week and a half? Can I wait that long without exploding in anticipation? No, I don't think so, but I'll worry about pulling myself together when I see the next chapter XD See ya then~  
><em>_-Phantom Feline_

Everyone in the room save the newly-reattached Hidan turned to stare at Jashin-sama, who glanced up with a blink of mild surprise.

"What?" asked He.

"You can fight, un? !" Deidara cried out, lunging to his feet in surprise and excitement. Jashin-sama rolled His eyes.

"No, I lead a faction of rebels in a war for most of my life and joined the equivalent of the ANBU purely on my charms." Everyone was wide-eyed except the proud Hidan. "I can fight, and well. I just try not to. Maybe the next time we are confronted."

"I wanna kick in the face of the little shadow bastard that killed me," Hidan said with a bloodthirsty grin.

"And the little Uchiha," Deidara added, equally bloodthirsty, eyes dancing. Itachi subtly twitched, but said nothing.

Before further death threats could be said, Kakuzu read the piece of paper now in front of him.

_make him come back make him make him make him  
><em>_I LOVE ITACHI  
><em>_-Narutard180_

Itachi visibly paled and floated to hover in a dark corner of the room, rocking back and forth, mumbling something about fangirls being crazy and being evil just made it worse and, dammit, why wouldn't they just leave him ALONE…

Kakuzu and Hidan were laughing (well, Kakuzu was snickering and Hidan was laughing hysterically to the point he almost fell off the couch), but Jashin-sama grimaced and nodded His agreement while Deidara scowled and grumbled about being blond didn't mean he was more fun, un.

When everyone had (mostly) recovered with the exception of Itachi, who was still in his corner as the next paper appeared before Hidan.

_*pout* itachi is there any particular reason you want to get back with that bunch of idiots? mikoto i can understamd obito and shisui alright fine and a couple others but the rest? i think id rather stay a ghost...  
><em>_i just have one thing to say... deidara better have his regular blue eyes... i dont care about the rest of him but he better have his blue eyes  
><em>_... erm ... i think i was threatening again  
><em>_-Shinigami's-Neko-Gaki_

Itachi finally dragged himself from his corner and stood/floated next to Deidara's spot on the chair once again, frown in place.

"While they weren't perfect, they are still my family," he said steadily. "On top of that, living involves too much war and death. In the afterlife, I can finally have peace, no matter who I am with. That's the way it is."

"…didn't we already read somethin' from this 'death-cat-child' bitch?" wondered Hidan, only to receive no response.

Deidara took Itachi's spot in the "emo corner" and bemoaned the horrors of fangirls to himself for a few moments before coming back in time for his turn to read.

_I don't really have anything to say other than I like your story... Sorry :( hidan and Harry do make a cute couple though.  
><em>_-Crimsonlocket_

There was a long silence.

"Why does everyone think you're a couple, un?" Deidara slyly asked the two sitting on the same couch, who were studiously not looking at each other. "There somethin' you need to tell us?"

After a beat, Jashin-sama looked up and opened His mouth to reveal the truth of their relationship, but before He could everyone found themselves back where they were before with no memory of the events that had just transpired.

**-END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (5-2-12): Holy shit, guys, 400 reviews! W00T! ! You all are AMAZING! ! ! Thanks for being so wonderful~ To commemorate this event, I decided to write another random-holiday special, as you've read above. I hope you all enjoyed it and are willing to wait the two more weeks until my next update. It will be a dozy, believe me! ^.^ A little preview: the current working title is "Red Sand."


	12. Episode Eight Red Sand

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Eight ****–**** Red Sand  
><strong>"_Is your mind playing tricks on you__…  
><em>_Or am I?__"  
><em>-Rocksteady Studios (Scarecrow, Batman: Arkham Asylum)

The morning after finding Hidan had indirectly helped Jashin-sama access chakra for the first time (which he was damn proud of, by the by), the albino man was watching with faintly narrowed eyes as his God prepared to do the ritual that would connect Deidara to Him and visa-versa. Similar to when Hidan had performed it, Deidara was forced to strip, although Jashin-sama graciously allowed him to keep boxers on in His infinite kindness, and the bared skin was painted carefully with runes—notably more and different from Hidan's, but still there and obvious.

Next Jashin-sama carefully moved in a circle around the faintly annoyed Deidara, drawing more runes with His blood. His Deathstick, as He had once called it, was waved over each symbol with muttered words in that strange language He used for His Powers. Once that was done, He stood up with Deathstick still in hand and waved it, kanji appearing in front of Deidara in swirling red silk.

"Recite that," said Jashin-sama gently, "and as you do focus on me. Please try not to let your thoughts wander too much or else it might not work correctly; if that happens the Reaper only knows who you'll be attached to instead of me. Don't forget you will feel quite a bit of pain, but it is temporary and should pass." There was a pause as Jashin-sama carefully eyed Deidara. "Are you sure you want this strong of a connection between us? There's no going back once it's created."

"Yeah, un," Deidara agreed without hesitation and with quite a bit of determination. "I'm gunna devote myself to You anyway; I might as well make sure I can find You if You are hurt or upset or in danger, yeah."

Jashin-sama simply nodded while a faint spark of jealousy lit in Hidan for the second time in as many days. It was obvious Deidara was much more interested in his God than Kakuzu ever would be despite their short time knowing each other. Hidan knew that he would always be Jashin-sama's most faithful and longest-connected Follower, but it didn't change the fact that his teeth were set on edge whenever Deidara said something like that or—urgh—_hugged_ Jashin-sama.

"Then begin," Jashin-sama commanded, Deathstick at the ready. Deidara took a deep breath before slowly exhaling, reciting words similar and different from those Hidan had:

"Ego dico super copiae copie superum, copiae copie orbis terrarum quod divum. Ego tribuo meus Vita, Somes, quod Animus ut unus plurimus aptus meus orbus. Ego sudo fidelitas ut specimen unus quisnam mos addo nos utriusque ut maiestas," the blond bomber dutifully recited. Then he said the final words that would bind his fate: "Ego tribuo meus solus ut meus Dominus Jashin!"

The symbols on the ground and his body along with the tip of Jashin-sama's Deathstick glowed with a bloody red light that blinded Hidan temporarily, but didn't block out the sharp cry of pain from Deidara. Hidan could sense the pain also coming from his God, who did no more than wince, as well as the harsh pull on his own Link that also occurred when Kakuzu was put through the ritual. The difference was that this pull was stronger, like the difference between the slice of a sharp kunai and a dull one, yet it was nowhere near as bad as the split second when Jashin-sama had died just two years ago.

The light soon flickered and perished, revealing Deidara fallen to his knees, panting, on the floor with a look of wide-eyed wonder, while Jashin-sama slowly lowered His Deathstick with a contemplative look. Hidan felt his link twinge a bit for a moment and Deidara's eyes widened further.

"You're relieved," the blond announced, looking up at Jashin-sama in honest astonishment. "I can feel it, yeah. Your emotions…"

"It worked," Jashin-sama simply said with a nod. Hidan could see and sense the discomfort his God easily hid from Deidara's new Link and he sent soothing waves to the raven-haired Man. Jashin-sama shot him a thankful/fond look before turning back to Deidara. "You should go take a nap. I can tell you're tired already. We will put off leaving until tomorrow."

Deidara opened his mouth to protest, but Hidan once more felt his Link twinge and the blond slowly nodded and closed his yap. Standing, Deidara half-stumbled to the back room Jashin-sama normally slept in, making Hidan give his back a brief glare before he turned his worries to Jashin-sama Himself.

"I'm fine," Jashin-sama answered the unspoken question, a faint, tired smile crossing His lips. "It just takes a while to adjust to the new connections."

_Can I help in some way, Jashin-sama?_ Hidan thought to Him as gently as he could. He would never say something like that aloud (he DID have a reputation to maintain) but Jashin-sama was the most important Thing/Being in his life and as such he felt free to express his concern in his thoughts, if nothing else.

Jashin-sama simply repeated His statement and smiled warmly at Hidan before announcing He would take a brief walk. If He knew Hidan followed Him through the forest to the river where He proceeded to meditate, He made no mention of it.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Hidan was dozing off at his self-appointed post when the peace of the area was interrupted. Jashin-sama had spent most of the time they were there simply thinking to Himself, not necessarily blocking His thoughts from Hidan, but making it abundantly clear that they were nothing He particularly wanted to share either. The first Follower of Him obediently tried not to impose upon His thoughts and soon found himself drifting off.

But just as slumber began to take him, Hidan suddenly saw Jashin-sama stand and turn, staring in his direction. He stared back with a bit of surprise at the unfamiliar look in His eyes.

"Jashin-sama?" he asked, wary. Jashin-sama smiled His ever-calming smile and was suddenly next to him, sitting on the same branch in the tall tree, humming lightly. Hidan blinked in surprise at the closeness and repeated Jashin-sama's title/name, stuttering the slightest bit.

"Hidan," said Jashin-sama softly, green eyes steady behind His glasses as He stared intently into Hidan's eyes, "you would do anything for me. Right?"

Swallowing at the sudden thrill of dread that filled him, Hidan slowly nodded. "Of course, Jashin-sama. I would do anything to fulfill any wish You expressed."

The smile widened and Jashin-sama's eyes darkened slightly. His voice was a near purr when He continued. "Dear Hidan, I have a request for you, and only you."

Swelling with pride at the perceived honor, Hidan eagerly nodded his agreement. Jashin-sama continued to smile, hand raising, moving toward his stomach—bared without his shirt, since he hated how constricting they were—

A stabbing pain suddenly lit and Hidan choked on his own breath, the familiar feeling of agony sourced in his abdomen. Slowly, he looked down—only to find Jashin-sama's hand deeply buried in his gut, blood dripping from the wound, then raising with agonizingly unhurried movements that sent Hidan's nerves on fire.

"Give me your heart," breathed Jashin-sama, an insane glint in His eyes.

_This is wrong,_ thought Hidan frantically through his non-pleasured pain. _Very fuckin' wrong. Jashin-sama, what the hell are You—seriously—this must be a damn dream—but—holy fuck, that _hurts_—__can't be a dream—so then it must be—_

The albino's chakra flared and the illusionary face of his God cracked like a mirror, then shattered, instead revealing an unfamiliar black-haired woman with bright red eyes burning with hatred, a kunai in her hands dragging from approximately just above his dick to his diaphragm, moving toward his heart with purpose.

Snarling at his opponent, Hidan lunged forward and wrapped his hands around the bitch's neck, squeezing fiercely just long enough to relish in the purple color of her face before flinging her effortlessly away from him. The kunai didn't leave her hands despite her slackened grip, a long arc of blood following the motion almost like a bloodstained rainbow, but Hidan didn't have time to admire the delightfully grisly scene; while he was getting his head together and disabling his attacker, he could see Jashin-sama facing down a pale-eyed girl with that weird-ass name that had something to do with the sun or some other sentimental shit and—

A hiss escaped Hidan and he jumped from his tree branch, murder in his eyes. The bastard who killed him was sure as _fuck_ not hurting his Jashin-sama!

"FUCKERS! ! !" was Hidan's battle cry as he reached the scene wherein Jashin-sama was holding His own somewhat well with His Deathstick. The sun-chick ignored him as best she could, busy dodging bright jets of light that flew from Jashin-sama almost nonstop and oftentimes destroyed whatever they hit, but the Shi-bastard instantly turned with fire in his dark gaze.

Seeing the kid putting his hands in a familiar position, Hidan jumped back as soon as he landed on the ground, springing as best he could with a still-heavily-bleeding gash in his front to try and stay away from the steady black shadow. His thoughts raced, trying to come up with some way to contact Kakuzu and Deidara back at the house without making it obvious they were coming to the enemy.

Sun-girl cried out the bastard's presumed name ('Shikamaru'? Who the fuck named their kid after a _deer_? ?), but it was too late; the shadow that had been chasing Hidan suddenly froze then dissipated as Shika-bastard's body completely stiffened and tumbled forward. Processing that one threat was taken care of, Hidan turned his attention back to Jashin-sama, preparing to distract the other now that his biggest problem was gone.

Yet he was suddenly sluggish, pathetic, his chakra draining away. Already weakened by the bloodloss and pain, Hidan could only look down at the bugs that were attached to his pantlegs and the wounds he had, belatedly remembering that Konoha had a creepy-ass bug clan that drained chakra.

_Well, shit,_ was Hidan's brilliant thought as he found the source of the bugs and glared at the mostly-covered form of the new entry to the battle, standing near the red-eyed bitch that was finally recovering. Hidan bared his teeth in a mocking grin.

"What, too much of a pussy to come after me yourself, you little whore?" he hissed furiously. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jashin-sama's green eyes flicker in his direction before narrowing dangerously. This somehow reassured Hidan and he laughed his best crazy-laugh at the bug-pussy and red-eyed bitch. "Well, do whatever the fuck you want with me. I'm immortal, you fucks! Jashin-sama saw fit to give me eternal life and furthermore restored me after I was incapacitated by the deer-bastard," he jerked his head gruffly in the direction of Shika-boy's still-stiff-as-death body, "and now you've gone and pissed Him off _again_."

Bloodthirst lit up in Hidan's eyes and he saw a flash of yellow and black in the corner of his eye, in the direction of their kinda-base. His bared-teeth-mocking-grin turned into a crazed smile that matched his earlier laugh. "Feel the wrath of Lord Jashin-sama! !" he said in a near-scream.

An explosion followed his words and the ground shook with the force, surprising the Konoha-group enough to let Jashin-sama finally hit the sun-bitch with the same red light that had made Shika-bastard into a statue-thing. She did the same freeze-and-tumble move and Jashin-sama was at Hidan's side with a crack of misplaced air, green eyes burning with His rage.

"You dare to attack what's mine," the green-eyed God said in a near hiss. His Deathstick was pointed at the two in an instant. "You _will_ pay." The bug-pussy and red-eyed bitch moved to dodge the moment Jashin-sama attacked, but instead of doing as expected and sending out another strange jet of light, Jashin-sama shouted, "NOW!"

The blur of yellow and black Hidan noticed earlier suddenly launched at the side of bug-pussy and a familiar white statuette fell.

"Katsu, un!" shouted Deidara with glee. The sculpture of a squirrel exploded within inches of bug-pussy's leg, the shockwave sending both he and red-eyed bitch flying in opposite directions and tearing a nice chunk of bug-pussy's flesh in the process. Bug-pussy managed to stumble into an upright position upon skidding to a stop, but the red-eyed bitch was already weakened by Hidan's earlier attack and the obvious drain the earlier complex Genjutsu had given her and slammed headfirst into a tree, skull cracking and blood dribbling to mix with her dark hair as she slumped to the ground.

"Nice timing, blondie," Hidan said with a smirk as Deidara made his way over to stand smugly alongside both the albino and his God. "But what the fuck kept you?"

"Got tied up back at the hut." A scowl lit up Deidara's face and he glared at the bug-pussy like whatever happened was his fault. It probably was to some amount, Hidan realized at the blond's next words. "They had another guy ambush me and Kakuzu back at the house, one of the Inuzuka kids, the ones with the dogs. He knew Kakuzu was there, yeah, but didn't know that I was, so I managed to get the jump on him. He didn't even get the chance to appreciate my beautiful art, un."

"Where is that damn miser, anyway?"

"Here," came the gruff voice of Kakuzu as he appeared, dragging a dark-haired boy and a huge white dog with his stitches none-too-gently behind him. A flick of the threads sent the two flying to land in a heap, the kid on top of the dog, almost on top of the sun-chick. "I had to gather our things. Obviously our current location is no longer secure so we must be moving on."

The bug-pussy stared blankly at his opponents, but clearly knew when he was outmatched, not making a move to attack. Hidan brushed what few bugs were still attached to him off with a scowl and saw them scurry back to the kid.

"Now what to do with them," muttered Jashin-sama, anger still simmering behind His jade eyes. Clearly trusting the shinobi He had revived to watch His back, He moved to stand before the bug-pussy, Deathstick pointed directly at his chest. "If you don't do anything stupid, I'll settle for just tying you up and asking some questions."

When the bug-pussy didn't make a move, Jashin-sama nodded almost to Himself and swished His unique weapon, sending ropes spiraling from the tip to wrap tightly around their captive. Another few waves and all of them were tied rather effectively, and yet another removed anything they could use to escape—Hidan would have assumed they would just pick the knots without their weapons, but Jashin-sama had somehow made these ropes without end, twisting together intricately.

Breathing out lowly, Jashin-sama stared at the bug-pussy, who was about the same height as the God. Jashin-sama sent a wave of irritation at Hidan for his mental acknowledgement of his God's shortness that He clearly stated many times He detested.

"Let's start with this," said Jashin-sama, pulling off the bug-pussy's sunglasses. He seemed slightly surprised by what met Him. "…how do you get around so well without sight?"

"My insects see well enough for me," the bug boy said in a deadpan voice, empty eye sockets unwaveringly facing Jashin-sama's emerald orbs. "Why? Because they can sense their surroundings including outside my body and share that information with myself."

Jashin-sama made a noise of acknowledgement, but said nothing more on the subject, moving to more important matters. "How did Konoha know where we are?"

"…"

As if the silence spoke, Jashin-sama slowly nodded. "I see—excuse the pun." Other than a slight frown, bug-pussy said/did nothing. "And why send four barely-chuunin-if-that children, a nin-dog, and a kunoichi specializing in genjutsu with less than impressive reserves after two known S-Ranked criminals and at least one unknown accomplice?"

Again, bug-pussy said nothing, but Jashin-sama seemed satisfied anyway. Raising His Deathstick again, He muttered, "Dare Memorium."

Without further warning the bug-pussy tumbled backwards and did not move.

A silence followed the statement.

"What kind of joke was that?" asked Kakuzu harshly, green eyes narrowed on Jashin-sama as the God casually flicked His free hand and sent the sunglasses back onto the kid's face. "You gained no information!"

"Actually, I gained quite a bit," Jashin-sama absently said, moving to the other fallen bodies. Reciting the same two words and swishing the Deathstick at each of the Konoha nin as well as the nin-dog, He continued. "Konoha had your scent, Kakuzu, preserved on a piece of clothing they had apparently recovered when your corpse was…well, a corpse. They used that to track us down.

"The reason why they sent these people," continued Jashin-sama, ignoring Hidan's look of awe, Kakuzu's look of disbelief, and Deidara's obvious confusion, "is because Konoha is ridiculously sentimental. The only one they sent for a good reason was Shikamaru—the one who destroyed your body, Hidan. He knew the fighting styles of you and Kakuzu well enough to help the others in battle and hopefully overtake you despite the fact that they knew next to nothing about me. Obviously it didn't work.

"They sent Kurenai-sensei, the red-eyed woman, because you killed her husband." There was a pause as Jashin-sama glanced at the woman before turning back to Hidan, looking a little upset at the thought of a death, but not making any sort of actual fuss. "Hyuuga Hinata, the white-eyed one in the jacket, came to avenge the boy you injured in our escape from Konoha and to protect Kurenai-sensei, her personal teacher. Shino, the one whom I interrogated, came to look after Hinata and find out the strength of Konoha's enemies, while Kiba and Akamaru—the boy and his dog—came for no apparent reason, although Shino suspected it was because he has a crush on Hinata and wanted an excuse to spend more time with her."

"How the hell do You know all that, un?" Deidara blurted as soon as Jashin-sama fell silent. A slight smirk lit up Jashin-sama's lips and He locked eyes with Deidara mischievously.

"I read his mind, of course."

Silence followed the casual statement. Jashin-sama continued:

"I've never tried it on someone without eyes before—it works best if you have eye contact—but it seems I didn't have to bother. It was just as easy as usual, if not more so." The God paused and scoffed, adding, "Despite Konoha having their own mind-reader Clan, they don't do much if any training with their shinobi on blocking those attacks, it seems. Probably too arrogant to think anyone else would have the ability."

Again, no sound followed. Hidan would have thought everything had frozen if not for the occasional bird call in the distance.

"That spell I cast modified their memories," Jashin-sama said after He finished waving His strange weapon (it felt weird calling a _stick_ a _weapon_, no matter what strange carvings were on it…). "They won't remember exactly what happened, only that they encountered Hidan and myself, although they won't remember what I look like. They will just see a vaguely male shape in a hooded robe using undetectable 'jutsu' on them and you referring to me as Jashin-sama, Hidan. I made sure to make it seem like I put Shino under a 'jutsu' that made him reveal all the information I just told you, so my powers should be mostly secret along with Deidara's revival.

"Now for the final touch," finished Jashin-sama, eyes gleaming as He raised the Deathstick into the air directly above His head. He "said" something in the strange sibilant-hissing language of Parseltongue and a white light built up at the end of the weapon before shooting into the air and exploding into a deep red symbol, one that all in the clearing recognized all too well.

Hidan couldn't help but share a smug, zealous smirk with his companions—the partly amused Deidara and the faintly exasperated Kakuzu—upon seeing the symbol of Jashin-sama twirling slowly in the air above where they left their attackers with an eerie bloody glow.

-Wrath of Jashin-

It was upon a pit stop along the edges of the Suna desert two days later that they first heard the news. Or rather, Kakuzu first heard the news and revealed it to Hidan, Jashin-sama and the others.

"There's a Kage Summit," he blurted as soon as he entered the room they had rented for the night.

"WHAT (un)! ?" the other two shinobi shouted, lunging to their feet, Hidan with anger and Deidara in shock. Jashin-sama just blinked.

"There's a…what?" asked He with another blink.

Kakuzu ran a hand through his long hair, frustrated, as the technique Jashin-sama had used to discretely hide his kinjutsu and make him appear more like a Kiri civilian dropped on its own. The stitches strained against his scowling mouth.

"The leaders of all the Nations are meeting," Kakuzu gruffly explained. "The Hokage, the Kazekage, the Raikage, the Mizukage, the Tsuchikage. They only do this when there's a threat of a wide-spanning War."

"How wide-spanning?" Jashin-sama sharply asked, lines tightening around the corners of His emerald eyes. "Between two Nations?"

"Great Shinobi War wide-spanning, un," Deidara said, tone grave. He reached up and began irritably running his hands through his bang, over and over, one after the other in a never-ending pattern Hidan recognized as betraying his tense nervousness. "Last time it happened, Iwa and Konoha were warring for a good ten years with the other nations throwing in on both sides. It was bloody as hell, yeah…surprising that anyone in Iwa survived, it was so bad, since we didn't exactly have the most shinobi in our Village."

Jashin-sama's lips thinned at the announcement and turned to Kakuzu. "What sparked this Summit?"

"It is hard to say," Kakuzu said, sitting down on the nearby chair and staring Jashin-sama in the eye. "I imagine the death of Pein, along with the apparent attempt to capture both the Nine- and Eight-Tails from Konohagakure and Iwagakure, which are the last two Jinchuuriki currently outside of the Akatsuki's control."

"Someone tried to kidnap Killer Bee?" blurted Deidara. Everyone turned to stare at him as he suddenly started laughing hysterically in a complete 180 of his earlier solemnity, doubling over and clutching his stomach. "Th-that guy p-probably regrett-t-tted it, hahaha!"

"Why the fuck would he?" Hidan asked with as much dumbfoundedness in his voice as the other two showed on their faces. Deidara laughed harder at the question, recovering soon after, and spoke his next few words in a mock-deep voice and a failed attempt at a gangster accent.

"No one takes da Bee, ya see, 'cause da Bee's da beast of Iwa-society!" Having kept a straight face for most of that, Deidara burst out laughing again, gasping between. "The—the r-'rapping'—would drive a-a-anyone—cra-azy, un!"

Not quite getting the joke, the others waited awkwardly for Deidara to calm down before continuing the conversation.

"Anyway," Jashin-sama slowly said, watching Deidara like he was going to blow up (again), "why isn't the Akatsuki disbanded after Pein died? He was the leader, wasn't he?"

"Konoha seems to have some information on that, but refused to share it until everyone was assembled and the Summit began. It would appear, however, they do not believe Akatsuki is done, but since only Konan, Kisame, Zetsu, and Tobi are still alive and our rings have yet to be recovered…"

"How do ya know?" Hidan queried, eyes narrowed. Kakuzu stared at him before rolling his eyes (which were still so normal-looking it was freaky as fuck) and reaching into his pocket.

"Because I have them," said the miser; his tone was dry and he held out for the room to see three rings with varying kanji on them before putting them back in his pocket, "to ensure that the Akatsuki will not be reformed again."

Hidan gaped at his ex-partner in the Akatsuki. "When the hell did you find time to get those, and where the fuck did you find the Jashin-damned things? !"

The question was ignored and Jashin-sama soon began speaking again.

"If Konoha reveals that they know I have revived Hidan and Kakuzu, we will definitely be larger targets," said He grimly. "Even more if someone realizes Deidara's joined us and I'm planning to continue. As it is,"

The words were cut off as a sudden wash of powerful chakra fell over the group, killing intent mixing in to a suffocating degree for any low- to mid-level shinobi, although Jashin-sama noticeably paled at it as well. The former Akatsuki members just narrowed their eyes.

"What the fuck is goin' on?" snarled Hidan, slamming the window open next to the bed he had been perched on. He stilled upon seeing the world outside.

"Hidan?" asked Jashin-sama, alarmed, as He sensed His Follower's stress/shock. Quickly moving over, His jaw clenched visibly upon seeing a pale-skinned man with what appeared to be scales on his luminescent face standing on the edge of town, a few slaughtered civilians around him, smirking as he stared—directly at the spot where Hidan and Jashin-sama stood.

After giving a mocking bow and wave, the man disappeared, leaving a handful of corpses and bloody red sand in his wake.

"What was it, un?" Deidara asked, looking anxious as he made his way over to stare over the shoulders of the albino and the God. His already slanted eyes narrowed further at the blood-stained ground.

"It would seem," Jashin-sama said lowly, "that the apprentice of your Orochimaru has decided to give us a little warning."

"A warning of what, though?" queried Kakuzu, hovering nearby, but noticeably separate from the huddled trio at the window still staring as others in the village found the mini-massacre.

No one could answer the miser's honest question.

-END-

*Translation of the Pledge of Jashin, both _original_ and **modified***

"Ego dico super copiae copie superum"- I call upon the forces of the gods

"Copiae copie of orbis terrarum quod divum"- The forces of the earth and sky

"Ego tribuo meus Vita, Somes, quod Animus ut unus _quisnam est plurimus aptus_/**plurimus aptus meus**"- I give my Life, Body, and Soul to the _one who is most suitable_/**one most suitable in my eyes**

"Ego _loco meus credo unus_/**sudo fidelitas ut specimen** quisnam mos addo nos utriusque ut maiestas" - I _put my trust in_/**swear loyalty to the ideals of** the one who will bring us both to greatness

"Ego tribuo meus solus ut meus Dominus Jashin!" - I give myself solely to my Lord Jashin!

MKL's Post-Production Note (5-14-12): So my friend set me up on this surprise get-together with her, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's roomate in hopes of getting me a "friend with benefits" despite my repeated assurances I honestly don't want one. The whole thing went okay. The roomate was bland and perverted, but gave me a decent challenge at Mortal Kombat and didn't say anything about my new zit-friend, so I couldn't really complain. The next day, though, my friend calls me to give me the rundown on what happened after I left the "party" (which was only a party in that she and the two guys drank some Everclear and we were loud as fuck) and casually says that the roomate decided I was okay, but he was intimidated by my intelligence. I ended up laughing and taking it as a complement. ^.^

But now onto less-fun matters. Once more, it seems I have to air my grievances out at the fanfiction world at large because one person just couldn't take the time to review from an actual account. So, "Rel," you say that you "wish [I] wouldn't bitch about bad reviews"? Let me explain something. I NEVER bitch about bad reviews. I get reviews all the time saying my stories suck, that the plotlines are stupid, that characters are OOC, yet you never see me complain about them (except somewhat right now, but I'm trying to prove a point so it doesn't count). I prefer to send them a PM and calmly explain why I don't agree but respect their opinion and express my condolences for them not finding –insert problem here– to their liking. Never do I actually bitch about them, it's immature and insulting to the intelligence of myself and the reviewer. It's when cowards refuse to log in and start talking shit that I take it badly.

Now, I go to see a psychologist. I freely admit my mind isn't perfect—far from it: I have an anxiety disorder that is sometimes rather debilitating, clinical depression including an episode of major depression (roughly meaning I was put on suicide watch for those of you who haven't taken Psychology), a tendency to space out and/or talk to myself even if other people in the room, and plenty of other problems. So I go out of my way to fix it by seeing my psychologist every week and going through things with her. She has spent the last year and a half encouraging me to make sure I express my thoughts clearly and concisely on a matter without holding back. This "bitching," as you call it, has been the only thing at times keeping me on this side of safe for myself and others around me.

So if I want to "bitch" over some asshole who can't even say things like this to my fuckin' metaphorical face, then I will do that, no matter what ignoramuses say. And so I end this little tribute with a big "fuck you!" to everyone who thinks of sending me a message like this again. Next time, I won't respond other than to put a small note that my other readers should take the time to check out how stupid this person is, unless it's like "good" being an inarticulate asshat. On that note: Good day to you all. Have a pleasant three weeks until the next update.

EDIT (5-15-12): sooo i completely forgot killer bee is actually from kumo. for some reason, it's been stuck in my head for quite a while that he's an iwa nin, even though i know his brother is the leader of kumo. dur, i is smartz. but anyway, sorry everyone: for this story it looks like he's going to be an iwa-nin. i know i'm stupid...feel free to pelt me with rotten fruit. :P


	13. Episode Nine Black Aloe, Scorpion Stings

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

Warning: Characters introduced in this chapter may seem OOC, but keep in mind that there is a reason for it. One has totally shut down his emotions and the other is...well, himself, kind of. I'd assume the name of the episode would give it away but in case it doesn't, I'll leave the names out of it. Enjoy, everyone, and please review~

**Episode Nine –Black Aloe and Scorpion Stings  
><strong>"_I don't want whatever I want.  
><em>_Nobody does. Not really.  
><em>_What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted,  
><em>_Just like that,  
><em>_And it didn't mean anything?  
><em>_What then?__"  
><em>-Neil Gaiman

Although he had only heard second-hand what Orochimaru and his companion Kabuto had done, and that to a very stilted degree due to Hidan's distaste of the man, Harry still had a pretty decent idea of what they were like. Voldemort and his war/troops came to mind. Those doctors from the Concentration Camps during World War II that experimented on their prisoners including elderly/children also popped into his head. But no matter how Harry put it, he had no doubt that if Kabuto was going to come after he and his slowly growing family, the Jashin was going to make the snake's apprentice regret it even more than Voldemort had.

Having spent the last few hours trying to puzzle how the hell Kabuto knew where they were and what he wanted with little/no success, Harry ended up slipping out of the room alone after Hidan had begrudgingly fallen asleep and Kakuzu went to check his spy network in an effort to find some answers. Deidara had wanted to follow, but Harry simply sent a calm sort of confidence through their link and assured the blond that he could protect himself, casting a simple Glamour to prove it. It seemed the blond was reluctant, yet he did acquiesce to Harry's wishes.

So it was that Harry stood on the edge of town not far from the spot where the civilians were murdered earlier, a few remains of bloody sand the only sign of the horror that had just occurred. The local law enforcement had moved quickly to get rid of the bodies, but the effects were still obvious—there wasn't another soul out on the streets despite the relatively early hour, the sun just starting to set on the horizon.

Deep green eyes scanned the desert from behind thin-framed glasses slowly, their owner pulling absently on the sleeves of his long black wizards' cloak. Harry was contemplating everything that had happened so far, all the things he had done, and perhaps most worryingly his actions as of late. It wasn't like him to be so angry at someone no matter what they did, yet when those people had attacked Hidan with mysterious illusions and nearly gutted the albino, he felt boiling rage within him. Hidan was his family, after all, the only one he had been able to rely on being there without fail whenever he needed. The man was just so important…

He also wondered on his decision to freely use the Deathly Hallows symbol as his "trademark" so much like Voldemort's "Morsmordre." After spending a long time debating on it for the last few days, this direct assault against what was his small group of followers sealed the deal for Harry, and he barely hesitated a moment before casting the "Hallows of Jashin" spell (said in Parseltongue so no one could replicate it, not that he really should have worried, since he'd yet to meet anyone with enough magic to cast spells in either large city/town/village he'd visited). He was careful to make sure it was obvious he was Hidan's Jashin by making one side his modified circle-triangle-super'thin'line Jashinism symbol, while the other was the true Deathly Hallow triangle-circle-thicker'line design. He would slowly ease them into the true symbol, Harry had decided when first thinking of the spell.

A spark of foreign magic flickered on the edges of Harry's awareness and he had to force himself not to instantly turn in that direction. The fact that it felt more casual then malevolent helped a bit; nevertheless Harry kept in mind that Hidan plotting a prank felt just as full of ease as he continued to lounge at his spot. A full seven minutes passed with the presence simply hovering nearby and Harry continually looking at his surroundings.

Then targeting the position of the magic, Harry flicked his wand into his hand with a simple wrist motion and shouted, "_Accio_ watcher!"

There was a split-second pause before a black, white, red, and green form came flying from the area the magic had been in and landed in a heap before him. Harry instantly cast a silent "Aresto Momentum" as well, slowing down any attempts to escape in case the person was a threat but not completely immobilizing them in case he/she was just a curious civilian. The sight of the black and red cloak, the large green leaf, and the mostly coal-black skin of his captive kinda destroyed the idea of the second notion being true.*

"You would be…Zetsu?" Harry said/asked, confused as he had always heard that the bipolar man was both black and white. He cast another silent spell to bond his new captive in steel cords and then released the "Aresto Momentum" spell so the man could sit up, which he did with a snarl, giving Harry a view of his interesting face—or half a face, rather; while his right half was rather normally if oddly colored with a pointed nose, thin lips, and short shaggy moss-green hair falling slightly into a golden eye that held black sclera, the other half was a twisted and deflated mass of white flesh that seemed almost like bark in its texture.

The black and white half-man glared murderously but didn't respond. Harry merely stared back before frowning as he realized his legitimacy wasn't working on his captive.

"Okay…I'm going to take that as a 'yes.' Spying for the rest of the Akatsuki, I suppose."

Again, the half-man just glared fiercely. Harry stared back before sighing and sitting down next to the captive casually in the sand and staring off into the distance (after throwing a charm on his companion to alert him of any sudden movements, of course). It was a long while until he got a response.

"Why aren't you killing me?" sneered the half-man lowly in a voice that was like gravel. "You know who I am."

"Because there's no reason to," Harry said lightly enough, inwardly dancing at the fact that his actions had worked. Pretending not to care about the silence was how he got Draco to talk to him again after the War, after all. "You haven't done anything to me or my Followers personally except try to figure out if we were a threat."

The half-man seemed honestly bemused and stared at Harry in disbelief with his one eye. "You can't know that."

A grin slid onto Harry's face. "No, I can't. But Hidan has always told me that both halves of your personality don't go out of your way to harm someone unless you're starving or ordered to by Pein or Konan."

"Are you Hidan's stupid 'God'?" the half-man bluntly asked when Harry didn't say anything else. Startled, Harry couldn't help but laugh slightly.

"I wouldn't say I'm stupid per se, but yes, I'm his Jashin," Harry admitted. When the half-man said nothing more, simply staring in disbelief, Harry amusedly asked, "Is that all?"

After taking a long moment to check for any dishonesty, the half-man continued in a suspicious voice. "Why the hell'd you suddenly show up now?"

"Because my Follower was in danger and asked for my help. I couldn't just leave him here, no matter how much he can annoy me sometimes."

"Are you reviving members of the Akatsuki that had died?"

"Yes."

"_How_?"

"Magic."

This answer irritated the half-man visibly and he glared for a few moments before hopping back into his questioning. "Why?"

"Because Hidan asked me to."

"Crazy bastard doesn't deserve it."

"Maybe not in your opinion, but he does for me."

"Why the hell haven't you run away screaming yet?"

Harry blinked at the sudden question change, startled, and from the look on the half-man's face he was as surprised to hear it as Harry was. But soon the green-eyed teen recovered and smiled lightly at the half-man.

"Why should I?" he asked, barely holding back a laugh at the half-man's completely bewildered expression. "You're human, mostly, and even if you aren't, I've met stranger-looking and more aggressive beings than you that have wanted to burn me alive, eat me alive, and even hug me to death. There's no reason to fear you just because you look different."

The half-man looked floored at the reasoning and his half-mouth gaped open in shock, golden eye wider than should have been possible. Harry grinned and stood up as he patted the excess sand from his clothes. "The spells on you should only stay in place for a few more minutes. Sorry, but I can't risk you attacking me from behind," he said with honest regret. "I hope to see you again, Zetsu—hopefully with less hostility but even if so, let's try and be sporty about it, okay?"

Without further words, Harry turned his away with a wave and a final smile and began back toward the hotel room he and his followers were within. It seemed he had a lot to talk about with them.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Hidan, of course, was more than a little pissed off when he heard about Harry's encounter with Zetsu ("WHAT THE FUCK, JASHIN-SAMA, YOU COULD'VE BEEN FUCKIN' KILLED, WHAT THE SHIT WOULD WE HAVE DONE THEN, YOU SELFISH PRICK BASTARD") and while the other two were, as well, they were less concerned ("He can take care of himself, un, did you see him against those Konoha nin?") and more intrigued ("Why would he bother to follow us? Konan should have sufficient spies from Amegakure to keep tabs on us…and why just his black half? I didn't even know he could do that"). After letting the ranting and questioning go on for about an hour the morning after it had happened Harry calmly pointed out that if they wanted to make it to Sasori's place of death by the following day they would have to leave rather soon, which gave his poor ears some relief.

Hidan had quite the set of lungs and Kakuzu was relentless in his questioning. Deidara did nothing to help Harry out of their double attack and seemed more amused at his distress than discouraged…retribution would be swift and powerful. Don't fuck with the legacy of the Marauders.

Two days later, sure enough, they had finally arrived at the half-collapsed cave Sasori had given his last stand in. A few pieces of broken puppets, both human-based and wood, were still scattered around, but for the most part it was clear. The only thing left of Sasori himself was a mostly-crushed cylinder with what Hidan identified as the kanji for "heart" lying on top of a tattered Akatsuki coat that looked like it hadn't been moved in months (which was quite possibly true).

"What?" breathed Deidara, eyes wide as he rushed forward and began to frantically search the cave. Harry and his other two followers waited by the entrance, confused and bemused, as the blond of the group ran around with increasingly fevered panic.

"What's wrong, Deidara?" Harry delicately asked after a few minutes of this. Deidara paused next to the cloak and container and turned, his eye…holy crap, was that _tears_? Harry shifted uncomfortably and could feel Hidan do the same next to him at the sight.

"S-Sasori-no-danna's body…it's…it's not here!"

Harry had no idea how he could respond, so he simply stared at Deidara with part compassion and mostly confusion. "I'm…sorry. Wasn't his body a puppet except for his heart?"

"His greatest masterpiece," Deidara miserably said, slumping slightly as he stared at the black and red before him. "Danna always said that, un. I told him it would last too long to be a 'masterpiece' but he always insisted…"

The words drifted off and Harry slowly crept into the room and touched Deidara's shoulder, making a single visible, slanted blue eye dart in his direction. "I can still give him back his original body," he said as gently as possible. "But before we do anything, we must summon his spirit. Can I trust you to keep your cool?"

Deidara slowly nodded, still looking upset, but Harry easily realized he wouldn't get much better than that from the one who was closest to his own age. With a nod in return and a squeeze Harry turned his attention to the heart container and focused on the supremely faded but starkly there energy within it. He directed the power of the Resurrection Stone and soon a shadowy shape appeared and turned into a young male's form.

Noticeably shorter than both Deidara and Harry, standing at a little over five feet, the Soul formed into a teenage boy no older than 16 with a thin and frail-looking form. Bright hazel eyes stared at Harry from behind half-closed eyelids, bored and even annoyed, as short-cropped crimson hair fell messily into his eyes in a way that would be considered attractive by many of the girls Harry had known throughout time. His features were childish but definitely attractive, at that stage where the baby fat was almost gone but just enough was there to round out his face, yet still he managed to pull off a powerful holier-than-thou aura that belied his body and childishness.

"Who are you?" the spirit asked bluntly with a sharp tone yet somehow still managing to be almost completely emotionless in it and his expression. Startled, Harry could only blink for a second at this child-man that was older than him but not really before he shook himself out of it.

"You may call me Jashin," he began, slightly surprised when the figure simply continued to stare with unnervingly little care. "Ah. Hidan's God?"

"I know of it. Why am I here?"

"Sasori-no-danna?" Deidara breathed, interrupting the questioning. Sasori visibly started and turned to Deidara with the faintest flickering of his first visible emotion—although Harry had no idea whether it was annoyance or fondness. "Is…is that you?"

"Brat," the redhead gruffly replied. "So you are still alive."

Deidara grinned widely and bounced a bit in place. "Thanks to Jashin-sama I am! I died fighting that Uchiha brat, Sasu-gay," (Hidan coughed something suspiciously like "unoriginal") "but He brought me back!"

Sasori couldn't have looked less interested if Deidara was reiterating that the clouds were what produced rain. "Hmph." Dismissing Deidara, who visibly deflated at the lack of enthusiasm from his old partner and looked only a bit less crestfallen than earlier, he instead flicked hazel eyes in the direction of Harry. "You've come to offer me the same?"

"I am," agreed Harry in a tightly controlled voice as he covered his rage on Deidara's behalf. He knew as well as anyone how much their youngest companion was looking forward to this meeting, yet it seemed that Sasori himself could care less. It was more than a little aggravating—Harry could actually sense Kakuzu's repressed rage even though they had the weakest connection between them.

"And your terms?" asked Sasori.

"Nothing too complicated. You have to allow me to rebuild your body, return your soul to it, then bond with me in the most basic form of the Spell of Jashin—"

"These terms are completely unchangeable?"

Frowning slightly, Harry stared dead into Sasori's eyes. "No, not completely, but mostly. Especially if you want true immortality like Hidan has. The Spell of Jashin is the only way that can happen."

"And the body you would rebuild. It would be my human one."

"Yes, the same as before you built," began Harry before Sasori cut him off again.

"No. Send me back to the Afterlife."

Deidara's hurt flared over the link between he and Harry and soon the slightly elder and taller's gaze was full of bright yellow ponytail-hair. "Sasori-no-danna, won't you come back?" he asked with clear desperation. "You could be really eternal, yeah! Live forever like you always wanted! Never die or end, be your own perfect masterpiece!"

"Death," said Sasori, with only the slightest flicker of his eyes being a sign that he was affected by Deidara's emotional pleas, "is the only eternity. The only true Art all experience. Besides, the company I would have to keep here is less than favorable, _Brat_."

A violent flinch met these words and Harry's temper flared. He barely managed to restrain himself enough to simply put a hand on Deidara's bicep as he stared at the ghostly being before him from over his newest follower's shoulder. "There's nothing I can say to change your mind?"

Sasori stared blankly. "No. Go bother someone else with your supposed immortality and delusions of grandeur. I have no interest in serving some so-called 'god' when I could instead be spending time with my mother and father Beyond the Veil of Death. Send me back."

"As you wish," Harry softly agreed before tapping the Resurrection Stone and taking his energy from it. Sasori's form instantly disappeared, leaving the area in a tense sort of silence. It was broken by a sound from Deidara that was certainly not one of happiness and, gently, Harry put his arm around Deidara. "Come on. I can Apparate us back to Tanzaku Quarters for a bit of a break before we move on to Ame."

It was a sign of the situation that neither Hidan nor Kakuzu protested the next set-back and Deidara only gave a single nod, face turned away from all the others and only Harry able to sense when he began to silently mourn his dear Danna for the second time.

-Wrath of Jashin-

It was later that evening, after an afternoon of all of Deidara's favorite foods (Harry had to smile when he realized his most favorite, bakudan, also meant bomb) and a carefree stroll through a small carnival nearby, that Harry and Hidan pulled away from the newer two additions to their screwed-up situation for a bit of time with just the two of them. To Harry, it felt like ages since they had last been able to have an honest conversation with his most faithful follower without fear of being interrupted. Deidara had turned in early to his room (Harry assumed to continue basking in the depression that was far from forgotten) and Kakuzu had declined leaving his hotel room, claiming that it would be a waste of money, his or not.

So Hidan and Harry ended up sitting on the edge of the carnival they had visited earlier, Hidan chewing on some Ramen and Harry making designs in his bowl of what he thought was some sort of pudding (nothing like what Hogwarts House Elves made, sadly, or Kretcher for that matter).

"Didn't You ever learn to eat Your food instead'a playin' with it?" Hidan suddenly said, startling Harry in the middle of making a smiley face with the indents created using his spoon. The result was a face that had a half-smile and half-jagged-frown.

"I guess I did," admitted Harry with a slight laugh, glancing over at his Follower with a smile. Hidan smirked back as he slurped some noodles. "I guess I'm just not very hungry."

"You haven't eaten all day, Jashin-sama. Should eat at least a bit of that."

Stifling another laugh, this one at Hidan's mothering, Harry made a show of taking a spoonful of the pudding and putting it in his mouth. Hidan obviously knew he was being teased and mock-glared at his Jashin.

"I'm serious," he grumbled with a dramatic pout. Harry snorted and soon was laughing harder than he had in a while, leaning against Hidan for support. The albino was smirking like he had won a prize.

"You're not Sirius," Harry eventually managed to gasp between his chuckles, "that's my Dogfather."

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, Hidan waited until Harry calmed down from his joke and was smiling much more sincerely before suddenly breaking the subject that had not been talked about all day. "I'm not upset, y'know."

Harry looked up with a blink but Hidan was staring off at the carnival with a scowl, his bowl emptied finally. "About Sasori not being brought back," he elaborated (as if he needed to). "I'm not surprised, either, since all he's ever wanted is eternity…I'm just pissed that he'd do that to Deidara. I know the guy's an asshole—has been since day one—but…the kid always looked up to him. Joined us young and was instantly partnered with Sasori. He really does think a lot of Sasori, even more than the rest of us…" Righteous fire alit to Hidan's eyes and his expression turned almost demonic in the faded light from the paper lanterns strewn about. "That fuckin' puppet-dick, I should've known. He's always been so selfish especially since Orochi-pedo-fucktard left him for dirt. Two were pretty close before."

"Hidan," Harry lightly said, reaching out to do something, but suddenly there was a huge tug at the Link he had with Deidara. Eyes going wide at the unbridled panic, he lunged to his feet and with barely a passing word to Hidan ("Deidara—") he Apparated back to the hotel room, leaving a stunned and still pissed Hidan and an upside down half-full bowl of pudding on the ground behind him.

With a faint crack, Harry found himself at Deidara's bedside, staring with pure worry at the blond teen. He was in his bed, apparently sleeping, but not dreaming of anything good; a blanket twisted around his waist and one leg being the only form of modesty he had, Deidara was flailing his one arm about, the other clutching at his chest above the fourth mouth sealed on his chest. Blood was beginning to be drawn from his nails digging into the skin as he panted and moaned, his hair plastered to his face and chest with his cold sweat.

Although Harry couldn't tap into Deidara's dream through their connection like he could with Hidan, there was no doubting this was a powerful nightmare. Instantly he flashbacked to his own nightmares and tried to think of what he wanted and needed when that happened. Usually someone there, really, someone who wouldn't look down on him for it, would sympathize but not pity…perhaps hold him if needed, tell him everything would be alright…

Harry never had that, but as he crouched next to Deidara's futon, he swore the bomber would.

"Shhh, Deidara, Shhh," he whispered, reaching out and clasping the hand that had been clawing so desperately. Deidara thrashed a bit more and let out a louder moan, but Harry didn't let go of the hand, squeezing it tightly and using the other to brush at the sweat on Deidara's face to try and get it away from his eyes. "It's okay. You'll be fine."

"U-Uchi—" gasped Deidara with a wild shudder, the leg not wrapped in the blanket kicking like he was trying to attack someone. "To-bi-sorr—rry—"

Frantic, Harry wondered what the hell he could say or do as Deidara let out a low shout. He found his body moving on its own, lifting Deidara's torso and leaning against the wall with the blond's head against his chest and the rest of his body between Harry's sprawled legs. Wasn't exactly the most comfortable position for Harry, but it was the first one he could think of to assure Deidara would feel protected…kind of…hopefully.

"Tobi's fine, Deidara," the Jashin soothed quietly. His right hand still clasped Deidara's, unflinching even when a moist tongue darted out and touched his palm, and the left was carefully moving Deidara's hair from his face. "He's alive. He forgives you, Deidara. You'll see him soon, I promise."

Deidara slowly began to calm down under Harry's ministrations and twenty minutes later, fell into a much more restful sleep. After sighing softly, Harry finally relaxed a bit and closed his eyes.

His final thought before succumbing to his own dreams was that perhaps he should call upon the spirit of Itachi again for help in how to calm Deidara down in situations such as this.

-END-

MKL's Post-Production Notes (6-4-12): Wow. This chapter hardly turned out how I wanted it to, the beginning and the end especially. The conversation with Black Zetsu (if you were curious, White Zetsu is heading for the Kage Summit with Team Taka while this is happening) went somewhat like how I'd planned, but overall it was rather less...intense...than I planned. And less informative. Ah well, introduced that plotpoint already and set it up for the future, which is all that matters. I have to give credit for the ending section to " .Mistress.92"...I knew vaguely what I wanted to do, but not how to do it until she gave me the prompt "pudding". And that sparked that little bit...ahaha...the strange things my muse picks up on... ^.^;;

If anyone seems OOC, please note that I either did it on purpose or didn't notice. Let me know what you guys think...oh, and new poll on my profile. The old one about having Killer Bee won with "don't care" followed by "yes" so I decided to feature him a bit, but not as extensively as I could. Next chapter will have him by the by. ;) The new one, on the other hand, I'm really interested in seeing the results of...and the debate that I'm likely to get. It involves Sasuke and his fate in the story. Check it out, guys, love to hear from you. ;)


	14. Episode Ten  Iron Swords

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Ten ****–**** Iron Swords  
><strong>"_You can't wake a person  
><em>_who is pretending to be asleep__."  
><em>-Navajo Proverb

Hidan was fuming silently as he went to his room that night. Once again, his time with Jashin-sama had been cut short by the interference of those that had been revived—on his own damn insistence. For a brief, hate-filled moment Hidan wondered if it were worth it before shoving the thought aside. It was sure as fuck worth it to have his family back…at least part if not all…even though he was still pissed that they were "stealing" Jashin-sama from him.

If anyone noticed anything wrong with Hidan the next day they brought no attention to it. Jashin-sama was too exhausted, confusing the surprisingly well-rested Deidara (it wasn't hard for Hidan or Kakuzu to guess what had happened to make Jashin-sama spend the night in his room, even if He left before dawn so Deidara would not know); Deidara was too busy pretending everything was fine even though his mentor wasn't coming back; and Kakuzu was...Kakuzu. Really the miser wouldn't give a fuck (visibly) unless Hidan was distracted in battle.

"Where are the 'Kage Summit's usually held?" asked Jashin-sama suddenly over breakfast as He rubbed at His tired eyes. The abrupt change from silence meant that He didn't get an immediate response.

"The Land of Iron, near Ishigakure," Kakuzu eventually said. Jashin-sama closed His eyes and seemed to think for a moment.

"That isn't too far out of our way, is it?"

"You wanna go there, un?" Deidara asked, slightly alarmed. Hidan was, as well; going to a place with the strongest shinobi in the world and their bodyguards wasn't exactly the best idea after all. Jashin-sama, however, simply opened His eyes with a tired smile.

"We need to figure out if there's anything we need to know happening there," He explained quietly. "If nothing else we can find what Konoha wants to share that apparently means enough that they don't want to chance sending the information through messengers."

"I do not believe this is a smart idea," Kakuzu muttered. He idly stirred his tea as he rested narrowed green eyes on Jashin-sama. "There are too many variables right now."

Jashin-sama, however, was adamant. "I have the feeling that we need to at least pass by. My feelings are generally correct."

Kakuzu scoffed and glared at the God, ignoring Hidan's instant snarl in response. "You want to risk our being discovered, possibly compromising our mission, because of a _feeling_?"

"Yes," said Jashin-sama. A glare met the slightly amused statement, but Jashin-sama merely stared back with a quirked brow until Kakuzu let out an irritated sigh and muttered something about stubborn kids before falling silent. Everyone ignored Hidan's brief rant on how Jashin-sama was not a kid, dammit, He was a God, et cetera, et cetera.

This was why they were where they were now. A day after this discussion almost exactly, Hidan, Jashin-sama, Deidara, and Kakuzu were all hovering just outside the outskirts of the Land of Iron in one of the many caves that filled the area. (Ishigakure, the "Village Hidden in the Stone," and the Land of Iron were named as they were for a reason after all.) Hidan was understandably on high alert, along with his companions—with the exception of the still infuriatingly calm Jashin-sama of course.

"What now, un?" Deidara asked warily, hands constantly molding clay into various forms. Jashin-sama simply stared out toward the tower in the center of the Land of Iron, seemingly concentrating on something.

"These are your most powerful shinobi?" asked He instead of answering Deidara's question.

"Yeah, I guess," Hidan irritably answered. His hands clenched and unclenched, desperate for a weapon (he missed his scythe…), but he had to do with glaring at the landscape instead of killing something. Preferably something cute and furry if he had his way. "Can we get the fuck out of here? This whole place makes me on-edge, Jashin-sama, seriously!"

For a long moment, Jashin-sama continued to stare thoughtfully before sighing and giving a nod. It was as they had gathered their belongings into His deceptively small pack that the reason for Jashin-sama's "feeling" became apparent.

"Holy shit," Deidara said suddenly, staring out of their cave, then raised his voice somewhat frantically, "Kakuzu, un, do you know what's up with Kisame right now?"

"I'd imagine he's doing something for Akatsuki," Kakuzu slowly said, looking at the blond like he was crazy(er than they always knew). "Why?"

A frantic gesture met the question and the other men all turned to look, only to be stunned into silence. Just outside of the tower, talking casually, were a group of ninja—including one that had Samehada's distinct form on its back, which was definitely NOT Kisame.

"Fuck."

Hidan did the math. Five shinobi, all obviously well-trained, roughly ANBU-/A-Class/S-Class in power judging from their chakra. One had somehow gotten hold of Samehada from one of their strongest members, likely within the last few days. Two more had swords that were unique and probably related to Kiri's Seven Swordsmen in some way. One of the other two had a bright green jumpsuit and orange legwarmers and looked like an older version of the kid Hidan had crushed to allow he, Jashin-sama, and Kakuzu time to escape Konoha. The last was a rather plain looking guy with Konoha's flak jacket.

On the other hand, they had four relative immortals believed to be dead/mythical. One was without his weapon of choice but still rather deadly. One was slightly more impulsive than the others but knew how to use his explosive powers with ease and finesse. One was an old grouch…a powerful old grouch with a Kinjutsu that was probably one of their best offensive abilities at the moment. And the last was Jashin-sama.

"…we gunna kick their asses now or later?" Hidan asked with a bloodthirsty smirk. Kakuzu face-palmed, but Deidara snickered and was clearly excited at the idea while Jashin-sama smirked faintly.

"I'd imagine sooner would be better, but a plan would probably be helpful," He said. Hidan grumbled, but obediently turned to Kakuzu along with his God and fellow follower.

Soon after he was fighting the two swordsmen barehanded, silently cursing the stupid-ass miser in his head. Why was he always the one who had to be bait?

While he was just dodging and making snarky comments that kept his two's attention on him, Deidara was distracting the jumpsuit guy and Kakuzu and Jashin-sama were confronting the last two. One Deidara had identified after Jashin-sama brought up an image of him as Killer Bee, the Jinchuuriki of the Eight-Tails, and he was their main target. Didn't excuse the fact that Hidan wanted to be with his God rather than these two annoying asshats…

…of course he was referring to the battle, why would you think differently, seriously! ?

"_Accio_ Samehada!" Jashin-sama shouted when Kakuzu had managed to get both men's attention on him. The sword tugged on Killer Bee's back, choking and distracting him, then tore from her bindings and flew straight at Jashin-sama. The God caught it with both hands, staggering briefly, and instantly He called the retreat. Every one of His followers were at His side in an instant and He teleported them to the cave Sasori had died within for the second time in as many days.

Breathing heavily and clutching a nice-sized slice in his side, Hidan took stock of his companions' states. Other than minor wounds, they were all rather alright—as a matter of fact, Hidan hadn't felt so relaxed in weeks. Deidara had a smug grin in place and even Kakuzu was looking almost joyful compared to his normal melodramatic stare.

A second glance, however, revealed not everything was all right. Jashin-sama was looking a bit woozy and it wasn't until Hidan glanced at Samehada's handle that he realized why. Goddammit, was it really necessary for them to forget that damned sword's tendency to spear anyone she didn't trust?

Blood dripping from His hand, Jashin-sama shockingly didn't let go of Samehada, grip almost tighter in face of the pain. "It's alright," He said in a shockingly steady voice considering the pain He had to have been in. Samehada's scales shifted along the bandages, rippling the white wraps as she resettled. "I won't be wielding you. I just wanted to take you elsewhere for the sake of your partner. Kisame would want you to be safe, I'd imagine."

Again the scales rippled and the sword almost breathed, but slowly, her spines pulled back into her handle. Only when they were completely gone did Jashin-sama finally set her aside and slump against the wall next to her, cradling His hand. "_Episky_," He painfully commanded, fingers tightly gripping His shredded skin together. Slowly it began to knit itself back up, much more slowly than most wounds He healed, Hidan instantly noticed. Sensing his worry, Jashin-sama looked at His follower with a slight, reassuring smile.

"The spell is mostly for lesser wounds than this, but I'm afraid I don't know many others for healing. The only reason why I know this one is because my old Healer used it on me so much…when we get to Ame, I'll brew a potion to make sure it's completely fixed, but until then this will have to do."

There wasn't much Hidan could do/say in response other than scowl deeply at Samehada. The sword remained still as Jashin-sama flexed His hand slowly then carefully lifted her again.

"Thank you for trusting me," Jashin-sama quietly told the weapon before muttering a few more words in His strange Otherworldly language. With much more ease than His slight frame should have allowed, Jashin-sama flipped Samehada onto His back, where she stayed when His hands pulled away despite the lack of harness. Simply smiling at His follower's stunned looks Jashin-sama casually asked why they weren't leaving for Ame yet and proceeded to lead the trio of shinobi in the approximate direction of Akatsuki's long-time home.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Four days later, the mismatched group was within a few hours' walk of Amegakure, camp set up and Deidara already fast asleep while Kakuzu wrote in a small notebook Hidan knew was for his accounting (goddamn miser!). Jashin-sama, too, had a book out, but His was in a language similar to romanji* that no one could read.

Hidan himself was leaning against a tree, half-dozing, when Jashin-sama abruptly stood up and muttered something to Kakuzu. After a calculating glance, the eldest of the group slowly nodded, and Jashin-sama smiled back with what Hidan assumed was a thanks before making His way to His first follower. He paused before the albino and beckoned him to rise.

Slowly, Hidan did as asked, eyeing Jashin-sama warily. For His part Jashin-sama simply smirked and took Hidan's arm before using His teleportation technique. When Hidan regained his senses, it was to find he and Jashin-sama were once more on the edges of the carnival they had abandoned, its final night in the Tanzaku Quarters beginning.

"I thought we could pull away for real this time," said He with a smile that was almost shy. "I asked Kakuzu to watch for any nightmares from Deidara and wake him if they start."

"Seriously?" Hidan incredulously asked. This was the most selfish thing he'd heard of his God doing since arriving at this universe. Honestly he'd thought Jashin-sama was going to spend the rest of His time here being the normal annoying hero-complex Being He'd always been at heart.

Jashin-sama grinned. "I figured you—_we_ deserved it."

Unable to help himself, Hidan happily grinned back as he hadn't in far too long and proceeded to drag Jashin-sama around the carnival until it closed down many hours later. (In case anyone was curious, yes, Jashin-sama did get and finish a bowl of pudding without incident.)

-Wrath of Jashin-

The next day Hidan woke up slightly more tired than he was used to, but at the same time he was renewed in his determination to serve his God and save his—erm, Akatsuki. Their camp was quickly packed up once more and all traces of their being there destroyed then, all too soon, they were at the walls of Amegakure.

Hidan had no real expectation of their arrival. A wave-through as they were recognized as "disciples" of "Lord Pein-sama" perhaps, or maybe one of the infamous thorough checks virtually everyone went through as a result of being in an area with a history of wars that weren't even its own being fought nearby. What Hidan hadn't expected was the ANBU-level guards on top of the wall to shout with excitement, throw open the gates of the village, and earnestly invite them in with hopeful joy in their eyes.

"Hidan-sama, Kakuzu-sama, Deidara-sama!" one of the guards exclaimed, positively radiating happiness and awe. "We had heard the rumors, but never would we have guessed—have hardly _hoped_—"

"Welcome back, Akatsuki-sama," another guard said, grinning and shaking the stunned Deidara's hand with much enthusiasm. "We're glad that you were able to return!"

"And your guest, of course," added the third guard absently, staring at Hidan with so much awe that he was feeling uncomfortable.

"…what facilitated this heartfelt welcome?" Kakuzu eventually asked, frowning at the trio of guards. The mood instantly sobered and they exchanged mournful glances.

"It isn't our story to tell," the second guard said quietly. "If you make your way to the Tower of Lord Pein-sama, the head of the Counsel should be there to explain."

"Why the fuck can't Konan do it?" sneered Hidan. To his shock, the first guard teared up and the third instantly patted her shoulder, looking distant herself. The second flinched violently.

"I'm…afraid you'll have to ask the head Counsel. Please, make your way to the Tower."

"I get the feeling we're not going to like the answer to your question, Hidan, un," Deidara said slowly after Kakuzu had coldly told the guards to return to their posts (they did so very happily after once more welcoming them back). Up and down the street, civilians and ninja alike were exploding in whispers, faith and wonder equal and sometimes surpassing that of the guards' within them. One child actually ran up and gave Deidara an unexpected hug and offered him a flower he had picked with a shy thanks for…something before running back to his relieved mother.

Hidan didn't respond, simply frowning until they were inside the Tower, facing the old woman who headed the Counsel. She had once been a spy for Pein and the original Akatsuki for Hanzo, according to sources, and after the civil war was over she was gifted with the highest position Pein could give her for her loyalty and courage. Well, that was the story, anyway. Hidan always got the feeling that there was something more to it.

"So it's true," the head Counsel said, visibly slumping as if just their being there lightened her workload and worries by obscene amounts. "You are alive, Kakuzu-sama, Hidan-sama, Deidara-sama…" Her gaze settled on Jashin-sama and she frowned faintly. "…who is your guest?"

"You may call me Jashin," Jashin-sama said lightly, smiling at the elder woman.

The head Counsel's eyes widened in surprise. "As in the deity?" Without waiting for a response, she climbed to her feet and reached out a hand, smiling tiredly but thankfully. "It is nice to meet the one whom Hidan-sama holds in such high regards, Jashin-sama. Can I assume you were the one to bring them back?" Taking her hand, Jashin-sama nodded, making her breathe a sigh of joy. "Thank you, then, on behalf of Amegakure. The Akatsuki are important to our people and our village as a whole, as both a symbol of strength and a sign that our Lord Pein-sama has and will protect us for as long as he is able. I am head Counsel Tsuki."

"Where is Konan?" Kakuzu asked without any warning as soon as the head Counsel was sitting again. Instantly Tsuki aged once again before their eyes, slumping a bit and sighing downtroddenly.

"No one is sure, but I suspect she has joined Lord Pein-sama in the Shinigami's Realm," Tsuki said softly. After a pause to allow the reborn Akatsuki members their shock, she explained: "Just yesterday, Konan-tenshi went to visit the shrine she erected in honor of both Pein-sama and Yahiko-sama, the original leader of the Akatsuki and never returned. The only sign of what happened to her was a large explosion that surely would have demolished the whole village if not for the protective seals she and Lord Pein-sama had long ago put upon our buildings and walls to prevent our destruction in the case of an attack."

Hidan slumped in his chair, silently stunned, and slowly rubbed at his face. Even Konan was gone…that only left Tobi and Zetsu alive, so it seemed…how could things turn out so wrong in so short a time? He simply couldn't bear the fact that the people he had spent so many years with were almost all dead...even the reminder that Jashin-sama would bring them back if they agreed didn't help because, as evidenced by Itachi and Sasori, not all of them WOULD come back. That they had died in the first place and the pain they had went through was as daunting a thought as the idea of the other members not returning.

"Is her body in the shrine along with Pein and 'Yahiko's'?" asked Jashin-sama with His unwavering calm, gaze flickering briefly to Hidan as He offered His comfort through their link.

"I'm afraid we don't know where it is," Tsuki admitted. "I am one of the few who know the location of the shrine and I found that she was not there. On top of that…" She paused and swallowed in anger and pain. "It would appear that someone has taken one of Lord Pein-sama's Rinnegan eyes from his corpse."

"Holy shit," breathed Deidara, wide-eyed and horrified. Jashin-sama and Kakuzu looked similarly disgusted while Hidan started shaking, not with grief, but with a sudden onslaught of rage. Who the fuck would have dared to do such a thing? Let alone be able to! He was sure Konan had put up wards against graverobbery, given her devotion to Pein and own distaste of others desecrating the corpses of their fallen enemies or allies (like many from civilian backgrounds thought).

Jashin-sama was scowling as He rubbed at His temples yet said nothing until He regained control. "If Pein himself allows it, I will be able to not only return him to life, but also later regain his stolen eye from whoever did this. There are ways to prevent and punish those who commit Line Theft and I'm pretty sure Kekkei Genkai like the Rinnegan are included, being an inherited ability."

"Truly?" Tsuki asked, straightening slightly with visible hope. "You will bring back Lord Pein-sama?"

"If he allows it," repeated Jashin-sama. "I can't do anything without his soul's consent. Well, I could, but I doubt he'd be very happy about it and he could easily take revenge on us or even kill himself again if he wanted."

Tsuki seemed to ignore the what-ifs in favor of pulling herself to her feet and smothering Jashin-sama in a hug. He noticeably stiffened in surprise and blushed when the old woman began softly sobbing in His shoulder. "Thank you, Jashin-sama, thank you. Never would I have even dared to hope before, but I now believe Lord Pein-sama will return to protect us once more. Thank you, thank you for giving us this wonderful chance." She pulled back, wiping her eyes, and gazed at Jashin-sama with determined devotion. "If there is anything I or Amegakure can do for you, simply ask. We will be more than willing to do anything in return for this boon!"

Blinking dazedly, Jashin-sama eventually recovered and coughed awkwardly. "Erm, right. Well, we will need a place to stay while here…"

"Done," Tsuki promptly said. "I will arrange for the old Akatsuki headquarters to be inspected and cleaned again. In the meantime, I will ask our hotel to fix up its best suite for you all—it is a modest hotel, but I hope you will find it to your liking."

"Thank you," Jashin-sama politely said. He paused. "In order to get a hold of Pein, I would need to know the location of his corpse." Tsuki didn't hesitate to tell them this, a shockingly obvious one, since it was where the old Amegakure Resistance had been stationed during the civil war. "And finally…if your people could look for Konan—or her…body—then I could offer her return, as well. If you can spare the manpower of course."

Tsuki once more teared up, but this time refrained from hugging Jashin-sama (which was good given Jashin-sama's tendency to not enjoy contact unless He incited it, as Hidan well-knew). "Thank you, Jashin-sama. Truly, thank you…Amegakure will remember your help in the future and strive to do all we can to help in return. I will _ensure_ it."

-Wrath of Jashin-

Hidan was a bit surprised at the lavishness of the suite they had been presented in the sole hotel within Ame. Given the lack of outsiders allowed within Ame's walls outside of the occasional Chuunin exam, the place was amazingly comfortable, with two large queen-sized beds, a couch that was positively heavenly to lounge on it was so plush, two similar cushy chairs, and a carpet that Jashin-sama jokingly(?) said was pulled "straight from the 70s" (whatever the hell that meant).

"Does Kisame do anything in particular to care for his sword?" queried Jashin-sama absently, Samehada resting in His lap as He slowly ran His long fingers over her spines. The sword moved slightly as if it were breathing, likely unnerving to anyone who wasn't in the Akatsuki (or Jashin-sama apparently).

"He rubs her down with a soft cloth covered in squalene," Kakuzu instantly replied. At the confused/incredulous looks of his colleges, he quirked a brow and frowned. "Kisame is a much better conversationalist than many of you. Not to mention how he knows when to keep his mouth shut, which is something sorely lacking in many of Akatsuki's members…"

"What the fuck are you looking at me for?" snarled Hidan when Kakuzu's deep green eyes rested on him for a second longer than was necessary. Kakuzu shrugged, making Hidan snarl again, but Jashin-sama cut in before an argument could erupt.

"What, exactly, is 'squalene'?" He asked somewhat warily. Kakuzu smirked faintly and folded his arms.

"Shark liver oil," he said with the casualness of a kid asking his parents where babies come from. Deidara turned a little green and Jashin-sama made a face at the announcement, but before Hidan could snarkily tell Kakuzu to stuff it, Jashin-sama admitted, "I've handled worse in Potions," and pulled out His Deathstick. A muttered spell later and He was holding a piece of cloth that was coated in something that stunk to high heaven and began experimenting with different rubbing motions on Samehada. Soon He had settled into a rhythm that had the sword positively purring (which was disturbing to hear from a supposedly inanimate object).

The God began the discussion without any preamble. "We need to find out what happened to Tobi."

"Kid's probably playing somewhere with some fuzzy animals or somethin'," Hidan scoffed. Jashin-sama gave him a flat look that clearly stated He knew about Hidan's secret worry for the childish man and wasn't buying the act.

"In order to find Tobi, we would likely have to find Zetsu," Kakuzu said much more reasonably after rolling his eyes at Hidan. "He entered the Akatsuki as Zetsu's apprentice, after all, and was always deeply attached to him. Not to say that Tobi isn't attached to all of us…"

"Some more than others," Deidara muttered with false irritability. The other three turned to stare at him with almost identical deadpan looks and Deidara blinked, sweatdropping nervously. "Erm, what?"

"Nothing," the others said almost in unison, Jashin-sama innocently, Kakuzu sarcastically, and Hidan with the smugness that came from knowing something he wasn't supposed to. Which happened more often than the others probably liked, but hey, it wasn't Hidan's fault he was good at getting gossip.

"We have to find out where Madara is, as well," said Jashin-sama after the moment passed. "Not only did we promise Itachi, but also, he seems to be a major threat. We don't know who he is possessing at the moment, where he is, what he wants to do…"

Deidara scowled faintly at the mention of his self-proclaimed rival, but said nothing.

"We never asked," breathed Hidan suddenly. Startled, Jashin-sama turned to him with a quirked brow, but Hidan was too busy realizing with dawning horror what they had so blatantly missed. "Itachi knew he was back, that he got a body, but we never bothered to ask who he was or how he knew or whatever the hell else we need to know. The fuckin' shitstain could be anywhere, watching us any time, doing Jashin-knows-what (or doesn't, since He's right here). Fuck!"

Hidan slammed his fist into the wall, growling audibly. He was brought out of his angry haze when Jashin-sama gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"We can ask him if needed after we speak with Pein," He soothed softly. "Perhaps he has some information. Then we don't have to bother Itachi for a while, at least."

Slowly breathing out, Hidan nodded, still irritated but managing to pull the irritation under control. Jashin-sama gave him a slight smile before returning to Samehada and polishing her again.

"So it all comes down to a waiting game," Kakuzu summed up. "We cannot do or know anything until we at least speak to Pein, if not Itachi and Konan as well."

A silence enveloped the room as the matter was closed.

"Now onto other important matters," Jashin-sama somberly said. He paused dramatically to wait for the others to turn their full attentions to Him…then broke out in a smirk, casually wrapping Samehada back up in her bandages. "Who's bunking with whom?"

The resulting fight would be legendary for years to come.

-END-

*Romanji is simply Japanese written with the Roman alphabet. For instance, we know what Gaara's tattoo looks like, but we write it as "ai" or "love" rather than the actual kanji. "Ai" would be the romanji of the symbol while "love" would be the translation. Hope that makes sense…

MKL's Post-Production Notes (6-26-12): Whew, another one bites the dust. Not my favorite chapter I've ever written, but it got the job done, ne? Next chapter will be the final chapter of "Arc One." After it, we will have another Interlude, then move on the "Arc Two" wherein the war begins and things really heat up. I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter and review.

For those of you who find yourself unable, it's your own fault. I warned you all not to review the note that was once in place of this chapter. I'm a little disappointed you didn't listen to me, but meh, what can you do. Hope to hear from the rest of you, however! ^.^


	15. EpisodeEleven Evil Plan to Save theWorld

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Eleven – My Evil Plan to Save the World  
><strong>"_The dead can't change a thing.__"  
><em>-Kazuya Minekura

It. Was. WET.

The whole town was soaking with the constant rain and from what he'd heard from Hidan, it wasn't likely to stop any time soon. The Village Hidden in the Rain made Harry sneeze just thinking about going out there again. The citizens and his companions didn't seem to care, but Harry did—despite spending so much of his life in Scotland and its muggy environment, at least there oftentimes the rain paused in its assault for periods of time. But nooooo, not here. That would be too much to ask for!

Harry sneezed again as he stood at the window to his hotel room, desperately hoping that he didn't get the flu from all this rain. Behind him, the others were all asleep; Deidara had ended up on the couch, Kakuzu had the pleasure of gaining one of the beds, and Hidan was sprawled out on his makeshift bed, created by pushing the two chairs together (it was a bit small, so his arms were falling over the sides of the chairs and one of his legs was scrunched up uncomfortably to his chest).

After staring for a few more moments out at the slowly-waking city, Harry turned and made his way toward Samehada, leaning against the wall beside the door. She was a curious specimen—and unnerving, as well. While Hidan assured him that the slight feeding off his chakra was normal, he wasn't sure what to think about the sword tugging curiously at his magic from time to time, but eventually decided to simply ignore it. The magic that was being taken was the magic that naturally fell off his body, much like dandruff, so it didn't matter all that much.

Harry was much more interested in why a sword had a magical core than why she was taking his extra magic. He supposed it was due to her sentience, as Hidan speculated was the reason why she also had a chakra network of sorts, but there was no way to know for sure.

Harry gently ran his hands over Samehada's bandages before setting her aside once more and going about his morning routine. By the time he was done, the others had awakened—Hidan complaining loudly about his stiff neck while Deidara and Kakuzu seemed just as well-rested as Harry himself. "It's not fuckin' fair!" whined Hidan loudly, crossing his arms with a huff.

"Hidan, shut up," Kakuzu snapped with a faint glare. Hidan snarled back.

"You can complain later, Hidan," said Harry. His followers all turned to him in an instant and Harry smiled dully. "Right now we have work to do. Get ready; we're heading out to speak with Pein."

There was no need for further commands. In record time, the group was ready and heading out in the early morning rain, Harry thanking God that he remembered to throw a few waterproofing and warming charms on his robes. His followers, however, were not so lucky and ended up soaked by the time they had walked the surprisingly short distance to Pein and Yahiko's grave.

Upon entering, Harry stopped short in stunned surprise. Whereas the outside had appeared like a normal run-down building, the inside was beautiful. The floors were a nice dark-colored wood, the walls painted white with perfect precision. Two large pillars like those of Greek temples were on either side of the far wall. On that wall was an image of two angels in flight, done in marble, and below that was a large pool-like pit filled with white flowers. On top of those flowers were two bodies, both wearing what Harry quickly realized was the Akatsuki cloak. One, the one on his left, had bright orange hair spiked every which way and pale skin; the other, on his right, had pure white hair and looked horribly emaciated. His skin was even paler than the orange-haired one, almost bone white, and he overall looked incredibly unhealthy and old and sad.

The others around him quickly made their way closer, examining the two bodies curiously. To Harry's surprise, they migrated more to the orange-haired corpse and seemed far more interested in that one.

"Holy Jashin, he looks weird without his peircings," muttered Hidan, scowling faintly.

"It looks as if he was not _too_ damaged, but that may be because of the cloak," Kakuzu said lowly.

"Think he'll come back, un?" Deidara asked, sounding remarkably unsure—likely due to Sasori's rather firm denial to being brought back to life.

"The prick was determined to get his plan done," Hidan said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm sure he'll want to come back. Maybe not join us in Jashinism, but he'd wanna come back for the village and his bitch."

"…Konan?"

"No, me. What the fuck do you think, blondie! ?"

"Er, guys," Harry cut in, frowning at their backs. The other three turned to stare back at him. "…why are you talking like that one is Pein?"

There was a long silence.

"Because he is," Kakuzu said, drawing out the words as if Harry were particularly stupid.

"No, he isn't," Harry said just as slowly.

"The fuck are you talkin' about, Jashin-sama?" Hidan asked. Harry could sense his confusion and concern even though the albino only scowled outside of his thoughts. "This is that prick wanna-be god Pein. Leader of Akatsuki. The guy we wanna revive."

Harry stared back at them in disbelief. "Are you all under an illusion of some sort?" When he received multiple offended looks (although they all tried to discretely knock themselves out of any potential trance anyway), Harry sighed. "Look, thanks to Hidan, I know what Pein's magical signature feels like. While both of these bodies hold it, that one has much less. _This_ one is the source."

When he gestured to the emaciated body, Deidara's jaw dropped while Hidan stared blankly and Kakuzu moved forward. A thoughtful expression was on the oldest's tanned face, stitches pulling as he frowned.

"He did pride himself in his multiple bodies," the miser muttered almost to himself. "I suppose it is not impossible…perhaps he was trying to keep his real body safe. Obviously, it was in no shape for fighting, which is likely why he never shared his true form…"

An awkward silence followed this and after a long pause, Harry delicately said, "Why don't I summon his spirit? Then we can know for sure which one is his true appearance."

The others semi-reluctantly agreed, so Harry nodded at them before touching the Resurrection Stone. Once, twice, three times around the perimeter, pointedly away from the crack of Dark Magic, and with a whoosh of energy a figure appeared.

Immediately, Harry realized that while the body before him was horribly disfigured from apparently old age and disease, the spirit was a young one. Perhaps only mid-20s, standing at almost the same height as Itachi but perhaps a little taller, this man was lean but not at all to the dangerous point of his flesh body. His hair, falling around his soft-featured face, was a shade of deep red with a bit of purple mixed in, and strange silvery eyes stared at Harry, rings radiating from the pupil oddly. Overall, the soul of the body was rather handsome and ageless rather than the old, emaciated thing that was his physical form.

"Are you the one who calls himself 'Pein'?" Harry asked after a brief pause caused by his own surprise. The silvery ringed eyes stared straight at him and seemed to go straight into his soul, making Harry suppress a shiver.

"I am," the spirit of Pein said in a softer, naturally kinder voice than the deep, gravelly tone Hidan's memories provided. "Who are you?"

Harry bit back the urge to tell Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara "I told you so!" in favor of smiling carefully at the powerful leader of the most infamous criminal outfit in this dimension. "I am called Jashin. A pleasure to meet the one who has taken care of dear Hidan for so many years."

Hidan spluttered and snapped something about not being a child whom needed to be watched (Kakuzu snidely disagreed and the two had a very brief scuffle that was soon ended), but it was enough to draw Pein's attention. In an instant, his strange eyes widened marginally before returning to their normal almond shape.

"…I see," Pein said quietly. "And you are the one who has been reviving the members of our Organization from their death."

"Well, Hidan was not truly dead, but yes—that's me," said the ever-modest Harry. "I had a feeling that you knew about this despite us not being out in the open until after your death."

In truth that was due to the strange dream Harry had long ago after reviving Deidara, with the owner of those eyes and many peircings speaking to the orange and burning blond he couldn't clearly see. The dream had stuck with him in the back of his mind despite everything that had happened thus far and now he had proof of what had happened. He wished he had the resources to find out why he was having these dreams, but for now simply ignored the possible consequences in favor of his conversation.

Pein, for his part, simply stared at Harry with a calculating gaze. "I see," he repeated. "And have you come to do the same to me?"

"If you want, although I will not force you. If you don't want to come back to life, there's little I can do without serious risk to us and your soul."

"I have died." Harry stared blankly at Pein, whose features tightened slightly in aggravation—assumedly because he had to explain himself further. "I have few regrets left from my life and those things I do regret are irredeemable. The only way to atone is to stay in the Realm of the Shinigami and await my eventual reincarnation or sentence to Hell. Konan is more than capable of taking care of Amegakure on her own."

"Konan is dead," Harry gently said. Pein had been prepared to say more, but abruptly his mouth closed on the first syllable of his next words, eyes zeroing in on Harry's with a feral sort of anger and pain.

"What?" breathed Pein. Harry could sense Hidan and Deidara's discomfort at the obvious weakness in their long-time leader and while his connection to Kakuzu wasn't as strong, he had a pretty good idea of the tight expression the miser held.

"We have yet to find her body, but she apparently died protecting the village from a graverobber trying to take your Rinnegan. At least that's the theory of the Counsels and, more specifically, Head Counsel Tsuki." Harry stayed silent for a few moments while Pein's spirit reached up and covered his eyes, the doujutsu user otherwise not moving to talk or otherwise. "As it is, the shinobi nations are preparing for an all-out war with each other and, probably, what remains of the Akatsuki—which seems to consist of Zetsu, Tobi, and other unknown accomplices given the presumed deaths of Konan and Kisame."

Pein's shoulders tensed and his hand did not move. Harry gave him a little while again in case he wished to speak, but still received no verbal response, so gently he plowed on.

"Obviously, I plan to offer them the chance to be revived, as well, after I can find a large source of their residue, ah, 'souls.'" (It was actually their magic, but he doubted Pein would understand that or take him seriously if he admitted it just then.) "I decided to offer you the chance to come back before that and perhaps help in the search and the running of the village…Ame misses you."

Pein's shoulders shook and it took a little while before Harry realized it was with, not tears, but self-mocking laughter almost too quiet to hear. "They miss me," he echoed almost inaudibly. Unsure what to say, Harry remained silent, allowing Pein time to compose himself and after a few tense minutes the pale hand dropped to reveal determined-looking eyes. "What will you want in return for my revival. The loyalty of my village? The ability to command myself and my powers? Sacrifices of innocent blood?"

A violent flinch from Harry made Pein stop his ridiculous accusations and sad green eyes stared at the Rinnegan-weilder. "The only thing I want is to make Hidan happy," the raven-haired teen firmly told the spirit. Hidan sputtered again in embarrassment of the blunt announcement and Harry could sense his embarrassment but said nothing of it. "That involves bringing back what he considers to be his precious people—his family, many of whom are now dead. The Akatsuki. Although not all wish to, I still offer them the choice, as that is the most I can do to help the one who has been with me for so many years and loyally taken care of my well-being even across dimensions.

"As it is," continued Harry, clearing his throat and ignoring the surprise/disbelief from his Followers and Pein's once again narrowed gaze, "I offer you also the ability to gain relative immortality of the sort Hidan has by giving the Pledge of Jashin and, of course, our alliance for as long as it is available. I should warn you that what we do when all of the members who allow us to revive them, are, hasn't been decided on yet…and before we get to that point, I promised Itachi's soul that I would take care of Sasuke in whatever way is needed whether it be life or death and plan to stop or at least severely lessen the intensity of this upcoming war."

For some reason, Harry absently noted after falling silent and watching Pein think his offer over, he always seemed to be more eloquent when trying to explain or convince others of something like this. He partially blamed Dumbledore's influence, especially when he also threw in convincing words or semi-ploys like mentioning Sasuke's life to Itachi or both the Uchiha's fates to Deidara.

"For a God of Death, you seem determined to stop a war that would give you a lot of sacrifices," said Pein quietly.

"Pein, I am far from a god," Harry replied just as quietly. "I am simply a human with powers many cannot handle trying to do his best to take care of his only family, whatever it takes."

Pein stared at Harry, who stared steadily back. Then, almost unperceptively, Pein inclined his head. "Then we are quite similar, Jashin-dono*. I will allow you to revive me with the stipulation that I am with you when you revive Konan and I am not forced to take your 'Pledge'. Eternal life…I believe…is less than ideal."

Harry smiled. "I understand."

Taking out his wand, Harry turned it to Pein's body, then hesitated moments before casting his spell. "You should know that the spell to return your body to a usable state may result in an exchange of physical features or even abilities," he told Pein. The silver-eyed man's eyes expressed his suspicion but he nodded anyway, making Harry nod back and return his attention to the horrid state of the spirit's body. He took a deep breath and slowly released it before swishing his wand. "Reverto Somnes ut Vita."

The recreation was more like Kakuzu's than Hidan's or Deidara's. Most of the body was there and, furthermore, clothed (which Harry appreciated…he was male, but honestly, he didn't want to see everyone's junk despite his questionable sexual preferences), but some serious repairing had to be done to make it like the young spirit before them. The body almost seemed to inflate as it turned to a healthy weight; the wrinkles faded back into smooth skin; bones disappeared until they were no longer visible; the healthy muscles of an active young man formed, the slim type of a gymnast or a swimmer; the hair turned from white to the purple-tinged red. Harry even saw, with slight disgust, that the slightly sunken eye socket that obviously once held the stolen Rinnegan moved as a new eye grew. Soon the body of a young man possibly only a fraction older than Harry and Deidara was formed.

Remembering the quick pain that had resulted from the last few revivals, Harry moved quickly, taking off the Resurrection Stone from his finger and pushing it through Pein's revived body's chest.

At least four things happened at roughly the same time. Pein's spirit disappeared. Pein's body opened its eyes and slowly sat up with an expression of faint wonder on its almost childish face. Harry felt a change in Pein's natural magic. And, most worrying for the others in the room, Harry felt a stabbing pain in his head that led him to cry out and collapse, gripping at his forehead with eyes tightly shut as he began to scream.

He had the passing thought of, _Not again,_ before falling into blissful unconsciousness.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Harry woke up with a throbbing head, being held to a strong and warm male chest which he quickly deduced to be Hidan's due to its lack of shirt yet existence of one of his wizarding robes—open, of course, to bare the silver pendent he wore and his ghostly pale albino-skinned muscles. He was rocking with a motion that he realized meant Hidan was running and the Links between he and his followers were all flushed with deep, heartfelt worry, including Kakuzu's barely-there one.

Blinking dazedly at Hidan's pendant, Harry was unprepared to have his mode of transportation suddenly stop and gently set him on the bed. His eyes reflexively closed and he moaned as the jostling movement made his head ache more.

"Kakuzu, what the fuck is wrong with Him? !" Hidan's harsh voice demanded. It was slightly quieter due to his worry but no less abrasive—perhaps even more so.

"It reminds me of when he rebuilt Deidara's body, but surely that much effort was not needed, since all of it was there," came the gruff voice of Kakuzu from not too far away.

"There was much structural damage due to my overuse of the more dangerous techniques the Rinnegan grants me," Pein's soft voice intercepted. Harry could sense the immediate attention of his followers at their once-Leader's words. "Although I plan to never use them again unless the circumstances are dire, it was bad enough that fixing the damage was probably similar to rebuilding a body from scratch…even if I had not died during that battle I didn't expect to live much past the projected time all the Bijuu were sealed."

"No wonder why you never told us about your body, yeah," Deidara's boyish voice interrupted complete with speech habit/impediment. "I know Sasori no Danna would've killed ya if he found out…and think about what'd happen if Orochimaru knew!"

An awkward silence followed those words and Harry took that moment to open his eyes again as his headache finally calmed down. Kakuzu was the first to notice.

"So you join us," the eldest dryly said, drawing the others' attention to him. "At least you were not out for three days this time."

"Jashin-sama!" Hidan cried out, lunging forward and gripping Harry's shoulders firmly as he looked over his "God's" face with the sort of worry he normally never dared to show. "Are You okay, Jashin-sama! Fuckin' scared the shit out of us! Deidara was worried You'd actually died this time!"

"That was you, Hidan, un," retorted Deidara with a scowl. Harry simply smiled tiredly at the ones around his bed, slowly sitting up and noting with relief that his headache was already gone.

"Any visible changes?" he asked after a few moments, flinching when his throat hurt from the extended screaming. He hoped the next revival wouldn't be as bad as that…thankfully, Hidan had already sped off to get a glass of water and was back in record time, still obviously worried about him. _I'm okay, Hidan,_ he thought through their link with a soft smile at him. _I always am._

"_Fuck if You are,__"_ Hidan mentally huffed back, yet he untensed his body just slightly at the reassurance. Aloud, he said, "No, not really, 'cept You look like hell."

"Thanks for your kind words, Hidan." Hidan either ignored or didn't notice the dry tone of voice as Harry set aside his glass, reaching up to rub at his head. "I wonder what it was I gained, then…have you noticed anything different, Pein?"

There was a pause. "Nagato," he said in a voice so close to silent that it was nearly impossible to hear. He received multiple surprised looks and a slight pink tinged his cheekbones, very similar to when Draco blushed (although for him, it was usually anger), but his gaze was steady. "My real name is Nagato, Jashin-dono."

Harry looked at Pein—Nagato—with bewilderment, but eventually took the announcement as an act of their new companionship and smiled. "Nagato, then," he agreed.

Nagato somehow looked relieved at the acceptance and nodded at Harry briskly. "No, nothing seems to be wrong with my body, with the exception of the fact that it's so much younger. I should be closer to my thirties, even with my Clan's long life expectancy and youthful appearances."

"You've got a Clan (un)?" blurted Hidan and Deidara nearly in unison. Even Kakuzu looked startled, making Harry wonder what the hell made this so important.

"I don't know its name, but Jiraiya-sensei assured me it once existed. It's now completely destroyed except for a few lingering members," Nagato stonily said. A Look from Harry resulted in the two more excitable Jashinists falling silent despite their obvious questions and Kakuzu was mature enough not to need it to restrain himself.

"Well, it should be obvious at some point," muttered Harry more to himself than the others. He raised his voice and continued: "Your body was reverted to the most ideal state you remember it being in. In this case, I'm guessing it was just before you used those jutsu that made your body so…um…"

"Old and decrepit," Deidara offered in an innocent voice.

"Broken as our morals?" Hidan chirped way too cheerfully. Harry glared at them both and with a flick of his hand both found themselves unable to speak.

"I was going to say damaged," he said to the flailing duo. Turning back to Nagato, he found the silver-eyed man staring at him with star-struck eyes.

"How do you do that?" he asked with a slightly hysterical edge to his voice. "Can you teach me! ? Please, I'll do anything you ask if it helps me to shut them up like that! ! !"

Harry stared, bewildered, at the mostly composed (well, up until now, that is) man. Luckily Kakuzu had enough of a mind to answer; putting his hand on Nagato's shoulder, he said in a voice heavy with regret, "I am afraid, Leader Nagato, that it is a type of Kekkei Genkai."

Nagato looked ready to cry for a surreal moment before suddenly calming and looking composed once more. Harry and his two silent followers all sweatdropped in unison.

"We should probably inform the Counsel and, soon, the village of my return," Nagato steadily said. Harry shook himself out of his surprise at the out of character moment and nodded in agreement.

"Tsuki asked us to return to check on whether the base was hospitable yet or not today, so we'll go with you," the wizard said more than asked. Nagato nodded and soon after the mismatched group left, taking to the rooftops; the unsilenced Hidan carried Harry despite his constant grumbles and swearing about how unfair the silencing had been. When they reached the "Tower of Lord Pein-sama," as the guards had called it. Harry had to compare it to the unimaginative names from his home dimension—Diagon Alley/diagonally, Forbidden Forest, even actual names such as the Weasleys/weasels (which he found out after the Second Wizarding War was part of the rarely-seen Weasley Crest).

As it happened, they entered the building just before a meeting with the Counsel. Harry caught Nagato's arm before he could enter the room where the Head Counsel was preparing the space and her notes.

"After you're done, we'll be at the base," he said, the group having been told it was ready by the receptionist, who was young enough not to know what Nagato looked like. "We have much to talk about."

"We do," Nagato agreed. The two stared each other in the eyes for a long moment before Harry smiled sincerely.

"Good luck."

Lord, would Nagato need it.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Hidan was hysterically laughing. Deidara was literally rolling around on the floor. Harry couldn't hold back his snickers, which increased every time he looked across the table. Even Kakuzu was smirking and occasionally shaking his shoulders with repressed mirth. The object of their amusement was the stern-looking, yet again lightly flushed, Nagato, who glared at the whole group.

"I-I can't believe they s-s-seriously f-fainted," Hidan managed to wheeze before returning to his laughter.

"And you allowed them to prod and even injure your arm to make sure you were real," Kakuzu added. This undid Hidan, who joined Deidara on the floor, and Harry squeaked as he unsuccessfully tried to hold back his increased laughter. Kakuzu joined them by chuckling. "The great Pein, feared Leader of the Akatsuki, _poked_ and _pinched_ by a bunch of Counsel to reassure them that he was not a ghost. Please, let me know who took pictures. I am sure they would sell for _quite_ a bit."

"There were no pictures," Nagato stiffly said, "and it wasn't that funny. It was humiliating and unbefitting for the Leader of Amegakure and the Akatsuki to be treated that way."

The others were too busy laughing to reply, but soon recovered and sat at the table relatively at-ease.

"So, are you ready to share information?" asked Harry with a lingering smile. Nagato stared for a long moment.

"Before that, I have to ask," he said. He paused for a long moment with what Harry deduced was awkwardness at his next words. "The other in the memorial…the Deva Path…is the body of the true original Leader of Akatsuki, Yahiko no Mizurappa**. Is there any way…?"

Harry's expression became grave and he felt honest regret as Nagato trailed off. "I'm sorry, Nagato, but there is no way for me to bring him back. In order to do that, I would have had to know him when he was alive and have been exposed to his energy to a long period of time, at least a year."

"Then how do You revive us, Jashin-sama?" Deidara asked with no accusation in his tone, simply honest confusion. "Before You got here, You never met us, yeah…?"

"But Hidan knew you for years and spent years around you all," Harry gently explained. "Through that whole time, I was connected to Hidan through our very souls. So while physically, we never met, my energy recognizes yours—especially with the help of Hidan's memories, when he's willing to share them. Obviously he often is." He paused. "I'm truly sorry, Nagato."

Nagato, for his part, put on an expression of stony acceptance. "It was a distant hope to start with," he deadpanned. "Thank you for being honest, Jashin-dono." Harry smiled weakly and Nagato continued. "So, what is it you want to know?"

It was straight back to business, Harry thought, straightening visibly and putting on a serious expression. "We spoke to Itachi not too long ago. He said some disturbing things that we've since then connected to the Akatsuki. He spoke of a man from his clan, a possessor, who jumped from body to body of his decedents and stole them. Uchiha Madara."

Nagato's eyes turned sharp and hateful. "_Him_."

"You know him personally?" Kakuzu asked with narrowed eyes. Nagato blinked, slowly—quite a feat since Harry had yet to see him do it once since his revival.

"You don't know?" he retorted. At the blank look from the others, Nagato leaned back in his chair, reaching up to rub at his face with the palms of his hands. His voice was muffled when he next spoke. "I thought you said you spoke to Itachi."

"We did, but at the time we didn't know how important the information would be, so we only learned about his abilities and the fact that he was still alive," Harry said. Dread pooled in his stomach. "Nagato…do you know who he is? Who he's inhabiting?"

A stifling silence echoed through the room. Each breath was light, barely audible, and it seemed outside of the front room of the Akatsuki base there was stillness as the whole world waited for the answer.

Nagato lowered his hands finally, looking rather defeated. "Uchiha Madara…the body he inhabits…" the man muttered. He hesitated a moment further and the words he spoke rocked the group's whole view of the world:

"_He goes by the name of Tobi, now._"

-END-

*-dono – A term of respect, slightly below –sama in amount of importance. Here, Pein/Nagato is using it because although he doesn't view "Jashin" as his god or superior, he does acknowledge the power Jashin wields and is giving him the respect of roughly someone equal to his own rank.

**Mizurappa – The name of the only jutsu Yahiko was seen to use, translated as Wild Water Wave. It sounded cool and Yahiko needed a title, so I figured if the Naruto-esque guy had to have one, why not one so 'wild' and related to the 'water' that poured down on his village and the 'waves' he made rock the foundations? …it sounds lame, but it works. ^-^;;

MKL's Post-Production Notes (7-13-12): And so ends Arc One. What a wonderful jumping-off point, eh? -evil grin- Our poor characters have no idea what's going on now that their whole perceptions are totally destroyed. I'm so evil. 3

On another note, I recently had a reviewer ask some questions. They were annonymous, but it was relatively civil so I will answer them just as civilly. When I write this story, I picture it in my head like the manga, complete with sweatdrops/veinpops/all those other terms I use. It only happens when I write anime/manga stories, too, never with books or TV shows or anything else. Since this is how I picture it, I write these things in. I'm sorry if it bothers you, but that's simply the way it is. As for the multiple punctuations...sometimes I feel a sentence needs more emphasis than a simple question mark or exclaimation. Like if someone shouts a question (coughHidancough), it would have "! ?" instead of "?" or "!", sometimes more than that. It's just me differentiating the emotion and power and tone to the words since we can't hear them ourselves. Again, I appologize if you don't like that, but it's part of my writing style. That's why I go through every chapter after I download the document but before I post it to ensure the punctuation has spaces as needed to ensure they appear. Any sequence breaks, like comments that seem to be more from me than the characters, have no excuses. Sorry. It's just how I write. ^.^;; They can often be interpretted as someone looking back on the events and commenting, though, so I see no reason to remove them.

Well that's that! Next "chapter" will be another Interlude/Omake chapter. I hope you all have enjoyed it thus far...one more arc to go and then we're done! :D It's so exciting! Until next time, guys~ ;)


	16. Interlude Unintended Consequences

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary (Arc 1): The first hurdles are over. Harry-Jashin has saved his dearest friend from near-death, officially gained his first follower outside of Hidan, and begun to establish a dangerous reputation. Too bad his good intentions are once more getting the better of him. Seems others don't like the fact that he is planning to resurrect and even protect some of the biggest names in rogue-ninja-history, including quite a few of the Hidden Villages and the very organization that the new "Jashinists" once belonged to… **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-/post-series, book-/manga-based, slightly twisted canon, eventual/now AU

Summary (Arc 2): Finally, the characters are all in place. Harry-Jashin has saved who he could. The many Shinobi Nations are on the brink of war with the mysterious "Tobi." "Tobi," Team Taka, and Zetsu are ready to make their move. Once again, Harry finds himself and his companions struck in the middle of a great War—but this time, he's going to make a real difference and stop it before it begins in earnest. Hopefully. He, the Jashinists, and their allies in Amegakure will need all the luck they can get… **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-/post-series, book/manga-based, twisted canon, now-AU

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Interlude – Law of Unintended Consequences  
><strong>"_We are free to choose our paths,  
><em>_but we cannot choose the consequences that come with them."  
><em>-Sean Covey

There are roughly three different types of possible unintended consequences. The first is where a purposeful action results in a positive, unexpected benefit, AKA good luck or serendipity. The second is where a purposeful action results in a perverse effect, where the opposite of what was intended happens—an intended solution makes a problem worse. The last and often most-seen is an unexpected deterrent or advantage occurring along with the desired effect. Unfortunately, we all know what Harry Potter's luck is like.

-First-

Silently, the two halves of Zetsu—recently rejoined—mulled over the information each other obtained. His white half spent quite a bit of time complaining about rudeness and how people didn't appreciate his generosity, because the Raikage had snapped his neck even though he'd offered them a hint as to where Sasuke was! The very nerve of those people! They were just lucky that the white half was mostly plant or else he would have really been dead.

His black half allowed this to continue until his white half tired himself out, even though the black half was getting steadily more pissed as time went on. Finally during a break in the rant, he inserted his information on the newfound "Jashin" that had appeared, admitted to reviving the Akatsuki, and furthermore (this was the information he was most eager and reluctant to share) _wasn't at all frightened by his appearance_.

"At all?" the white half finally said, his normally mocking and higher-pitched voice shockingly small in the cave they were sitting in next to the remains of their latest meal.

"At all," agreed the black half sternly, a frown in place.

Another silence fell.

"That's never happened before," the white half needlessly said. The black half snorted but said nothing. "…even Tobi was scared of us at first."

"You mean Madara," the black half said with a sneer. The white half was clearly confused, making the black half roll his eye. "The scary Tobi that hides the good Tobi."

The white half scowled, although it was more of a pout. "I don't like the scary Tobi."

The black half scowled much more successfully. "I don't, either. Fuckin' prick. Just because he saved us from Orochimaru, he just assumes we'll listen to his stupid ass."

"We do," the white half pointed out.

"If we don't, who else will tolerate us?" snapped back the black half.

There was a long pause as they suddenly realized what he had said.

"Who else will…" Zetsu mumbled to themselves, analyzing what they knew.

_The positive—_

-Second-

Lady Tsunade, Hokage of Konoha, was tired. She had just woken up from her chakra exertion and near-death during the attack on Konoha and was almost instantly shoved back into office and given too much Intel on what was going on. Sasuke's attack on the Kage Summit she had been unable to attend, Danzo's temporary take-over of Konoha and subsequent assassination…

Her fists clenched when she remembered the other information she had received. The one who was reviving the Akatsuki had finally been clearly spotted by Gai and one of Danzo's ex-ROOT, who died along with Danzo in the fight against Sasuke. Gai had described the one and a member of the intelligence division drew a sketch with his direction.

Perhaps most worryingly was what the retrieved and reborn Hidan had called the man. Gai reported that one of the taunts used involved assuring them that they would be sacrificed to Jashin-sama—and then looked at the unknown with a twisted sort of hero-worship that only came from zealots. Jashin, the God of Death that Hidan worshiped and demanded all of Hidan's sacrifices.

Looking over the sketch of the determined but young and rather handsome man, Tsunade wondered briefly if he truly was a god of some sort before dismissing the thought. Shinobi looked underneath the underneath, and this man's underneath was purely civilian—the supposed Jashin was known for his bloodthirstiness and never would have pleaded for the life of a mere mortal as Ino reported he had for Lee or leave Gai and the others alive despite having the better strength and upper hand in the battle. Besides, the kid was handsome, but hardly to a godly level…Uchiha-level, maybe, but not gods-level.

Honey-colored eyes stared at the face before her before darkening. Reaching for the paper to lift it, at the last moment, Tsunade slammed her fist into the desk before her with fire in her eyes.

This man was reviving enemies of the Leaf, crippling her ninja, mocking them with his power. She was _not_ going to stand for that.

"Cat, get me Team Kakashi," she commanded sternly. An ANBU appeared near to her silently and bowed, and as he prepared to leave, Tsunade suddenly glanced at the mess of broken wood before her and scowled. "And a new desk."

Cat paused, but eventually disappeared without a word, leaving Tsunade alone in her office. The blonde flopped into her chair with a long sigh and rubbed at her eyes, her other hand reaching for her sake bottle. She was tired alright, but now wasn't the time to rest. She had much to do, and so little time and resources with which to do it…

—_the negative—_

-Third-

It was dark.

Cold and dark.

He was alone, stuck in his own mind, watching as his body killed and tortured and misdirected and _enjoyed_ it.

He had been raised groomed for this potential happening. His mother had told him that he was the only young body available for "Madara-sama" and that if his current body died, he would have to take over. She was so proud of him, even as the rest of the Clan shunned him for his…erm…uniqueness, because he would do their legacy proud by sacrificing his very body and mind to the esteemed leader of the Clan.

Even back then, he'd dreaded the possible day.

Now he was here, dreaming of the day he would be free, praying for help. He had heard about the arrival of the one who called himself "Jashin" after the god Hidan-senpai worshipped. Hidan-senpai had always assured him that Jashin-sama was a wonderful God that would help anyone who asked, even if they were heathens and didn't deserve it.

Tobi didn't know what a heathen was, but even if he was it, he could do little more than pray that someone would come save him from his eternal waking nightmare…pray that Jashin-sama would help him…and hope that his prayers would be answered…

—_and the unknown._

**-END-  
><strong>-Wrath of Jashin-

**OMAKE – Soooo…ARE They a Couple?**

The day had been normal enough. Kakuzu had been pissed off about the long time it took to get freakin' anywhere with Jashin refusing to do more than walk or jog and he wasn't getting any younger. Other than that, it was a normal day—he walked around the nearest town, met a few contacts and got more news, cut off Hidan's head a few times before Jashin got fed up and simply silenced the immortal with his strange stick…

Kakuzu never thought he'd be thanking pieces of trees for peace and quiet. Or Hidan's god for that matter, but that was an entirely separate issue.

Anyway, so the point was that Kakuzu's day was pretty normal until he walked back into the clearing from his impromptu bath in the nearby river.

He stopped short and stared for a long moment at the scene.

Jashin was laying on his back, propped up on his elbows, with his legs sprawled out and his shirt missing and his glasses askew. That was relatively normal. What _wasn't_ normal was Hidan straddling the so-called "god's" hips, knees on either side, hands bracing himself near Jashin's elbows and only in his boxers—

_With their lips locked and eyes wide_.

"…I don't want to know," Kakuzu announced loudly, turning away.

"Kakuzu, it wasn't like that!" Jashin tried to shout, sounding faintly frantic. Kakuzu ignored the protests and began to walk away back to the river to try and drown the images from his mind.

Behind him, Harry shoved at Hidan and scowled. "This is all your fault," he muttered irritably.

"How's it my fuckin' fault I tripped?" Hidan snarked back, glaring at Harry with quite a bit of anger and embarrassment. "Blame the damn ground! It's all its fault!"

The silence that night following the ridiculous statement was almost as thick as the awkward one the next day while they were travelling.

Almost.

(Dedicated to Moonmyth)

**-END OMAKE-  
><strong>-Wrath of Jashin-

**OMAKE – Tora, Tora, Tora!**

The way to Konoha was long, boring, and to make matters worse Harry's nerves were completely shot. They were in enemy territory and he _swore_ there was something _following_ them!

Hidan snorted it off after the first time he threw a kunai into the bush and met nothing but a scared little rabbit. He kept taunting Harry, calling him paranoid—but dammit, _they were being followed_! He was _sure_ of it! And the aura…God, the aura of its magic was horrible, full of malice and hatred and a bit of fear but a fierce determination to destroy all that got in its way. The worst part was that he couldn't tell where it was coming from, like the malice and killing intent was coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once. It made Harry shiver.

Finally, just when they were an hour away from Konoha, a loud caw of a bird breaking the stillness resulted in Harry giving an unmanly yelp and shooting the Cutting Curse in a random direction. Coincidently, it nearly hit Hidan.

"The fuck, Jashin-sama?" he shouted with a glare. "You could've gutted me with that, seriously! Do I gotta take that stick from You for my own safety!"

Suitably chastised, Harry sighed and tucked his wand away, ducking his head. "Sorry, Hidan," he muttered awkwardly. Hidan huffed but accepted the apology and the two continued off to find Kakuzu in Konoha.

The next day, a group of genin would be sent on the dreaded mission to capture the feline known as Tora. But this day was a day for celebration—what would have been a horrible mission was made wonderful when during their search, the youngest member of their team found a bundle of brown fur with a pink ribbon in it, cut severely, and obviously dead.

Hearts soared. The news flew through Konoha—they had been invaded yesterday, but dammit, that didn't matter anymore! The demon-cat, torturer of all who had ever been a genin, was gone! Gone for good! NO MORE TORA MISSIONS!

The party was the biggest since the defeat of Kyuubi fifteen years before.

(It would be barely a week later that everyone would find out that the fur that had been killed was simply a wild fox that some idiot had tied a ribbon to. The river of tears was equal to that when it was announced that Uchiha Sasuke had defected from the village.)

(Dedicated to freefall-gypsy…sorry but I couldn't bring myself to end the KONOHA TORMENT! :3)

**-END OMAKE 2-  
><strong>-Wrath of Jashin-

**OMAKE – In the Universe of ****Summoning of a Jashinist****…Horcruxes?**

"So you're saying there's more of this bastard lyin' around bein' a general pain in the ass," Hidan deadpanned. Next to him, Jashin-sama was equally pissed at the announcement, and Hidan was pleased to note the teacher-guy with the strange hair—Snake or something—was looking a bit ill at their reactions.

"Yes," Snake slowly said, scowling even though he still looked unhealthily pale. "The Headmaster refuses to share more information than that, although I suspect he knows quite a bit."

Hidan's eyes flashed and a malicious grin crossed his face, reaching back to grab the handle of his scythe. "Leave that guy to me," he said. The Snake-guy looked at Jashin-sama with a half-glare half-pleading expression, clearly wishing Jashin-sama to say something. Jashin-sama took a while of just staring at Snake before sighing heavily.

"Hidan," said He, Snake visibly relaxing and Hidan beginning to pout, "don't kill or mortally wound him. Anything else is fair game."

Snake stiffened and nearly collapsed into his chair, banging his head on the desk. Jashin-sama ignored him so Hidan did the same, a bloodthirsty smirk in place as he started toward the Headmaster's place. Time for a bit more fun…

_-ten minutes later-_

"Snake! Snaaake! !"

"…it's Snape."

"Oh, hey, there you are…Snape? Pft, stupid name."

"Get to the point, if you _please_."

"Geesh, okay, fine. Where's Jashin-sama?"

"Mr. Potter is visiting his equally dunderheaded friends in the Great Hall. Was there something you needed?"

"Well, a trip to some place called 'Little Hangleton''d be nice. Oh, and probably a nurse for the Headmaster. Tried not to be too rough but it was such a _pain_ to hold back…what the fuck? What, are you tryin' to give yourself a concussion? Not healthy, seriously!"

"NOT HEALTHY! What's NOT HEALTHY is having YOU in this SCHOOL!"

"…touché."

And so the disastrous hunt began…

**-END OMAKE 3-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (7-23-12): And so the second interlude is over. I hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for sticking with this thus far, guys, and I hope the next and final arc doesn't disappoint. I don't have much else to say... :) So, until next time, wonderful readers! Peace!


	17. Episode Twelve Tipping Scales

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: Finally, the characters are all in place. Harry-Jashin has saved who he could. The many Shinobi Nations are on the brink of war with the mysterious "Tobi." "Tobi," Team Taka, and Zetsu are ready to make their move. Once again, Harry finds himself and his companions struck in the middle of a great War—but this time, he's going to make a real difference and stop it before it begins in earnest. Hopefully. He, the Jashinists, and their allies in Amegakure will need all the luck they can get… **Not!Romance!Centered** pre-/during-/post-series, book/manga-based, twisted canon, now-AU

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Twelve – Tipping Scales  
><strong>"_I know enough of the world now to have  
><em>_almost  
><em>_lost the capacity of being much surprised by anything."  
><em>-Charles Dickens

"_He goes by the name of Tobi, now."_

The silence from Nagato's announcement seemed to drag on afterward for not just Hidan, but the others in the room, as well. Only Jashin-sama seemed somewhat immune to the effects and even then He was unable to speak; Nagato (such a pussy-ass name…) took the time to continue, breaking each of Hidan's beliefs thoroughly with each statement.

"Uchiha Madara is the one who funded and gave us the power to start Akatsuki in the first place," he softly said. Never before had Hidan been so glad that the ninja group's leader had some form of compassion…actually it pissed him off in the past. "He came to Konan, Yahiko, and myself while we were in the Civil War against Hanzo and his supporters. At the time, we were losing badly, mostly due to our inability to get decent weapons and food…then _he_ appeared.

"He was wearing a mask at the time, white with black flames, and introduced himself as the once-leader of the Uchiha Clan. Of course we were skeptical; even those outside Konoha had learned the story of his battle against the First Hokage and subsequent defeat." Nagato paused and grimaced, stiffly adding, "We quickly learned never to bring it up again.

"Eventually, he gave his proposal. In exchange for supplies, money, and aid in our battle against Hanzo, he requested that we create an organization to promote peace. Konan and I were skeptical, but Yahiko has always been a trusting person, even during war, and agreed to the terms happily. The Akatsuki was originally the name of the forces against Hanzo, but after Yahiko died in battle, it wasn't hard to decide that the name would fit our new organization bent on peace easily."

Nagato paused to take a deep breath, eyes darkening in memories, and Hidan kept his mouth firmly shut. He knew very well he wasn't exactly sensitive and likely his comments wouldn't help in this situation. (Jashin-sama's soft mental approval had nothing to do with this decision, seriously.)

"At this time the idea of creating peace through war came about. I found that I was never quite as dedicated to the idea as after Yahiko's death and thought that it would be the same for others—that being in a war would bring about a desire for peace. Before this, Madara Uchiha had been slipping me hints about how the Bijuu could be sealed using the Rinnegan and the power of multiple powerful shinobi…I picked up on them and although wary of him, decided it would work well enough.

"Over the years since then," continued Nagato, frowning faintly and irritably, "I spent much of my time researching his past, watching what he did, and in recent months wondering if I had made the wrong decision in trusting this man. I now know I did. He says his goal is 'peace' yet I've seen him wanting nothing but bloodshed and destruction. He helped Itachi to kill his clan, was the one who convinced me to forcefully recruit some members instead of simply taking those dedicated to the cause," Deidara's head was lowered, so it was hard to see any sort of reaction to this obvious reference, "and he is the one who convinced Orochimaru to join us for whatever reason.

"I also found something even more troubling shortly before my death," said Nagato, slumping slightly. He looked remarkably old despite his newly young body. "Itachi had slipped an extra scroll into a mission report just following Deidara falling in battle against Sasuke." Once again there was a disturbing lack of reaction from the blond bomber. "In it was a technique that had never been used. It was created by Madara himself long before his own demise, when planning for his battle against the First Hokage…called the Mugen Tsukuyomi, the Infinite Hypnosis. Using the power of the Demonic Statue of the Outer Path I created to hold the Bijuu we had captured along with an Uchiha sacrifice, he would fuse all Bijuu back into the Juubi and using its power create a copy of a Sharingan on the moon. This would allow Madara to control the whole world—supposedly to prevent any war or strife."

"What use is that if everyone's under some sort of Imperious Curse and can't be able to enjoy it?" asked Jashin-sama suddenly and sharply. His gaze was dark as He stared at Nagato with piercing emerald eyes. "It sounds to me like he just wants to rule the world, fuck the consequences."

"I agree," Kakuzu said with a single nod. Hidan wasn't quite sure what to think, but Jashin-sama had a valid point. It sounded like some other megalomaniac trying to take over the world and mold it to its liking…rather like that snake-faced bastard that had destroyed Jashin-sama's life. A sneer twisted Hidan's lips at the very thought.

"So what do we do, kill the fucker?" snapped Hidan. He hadn't honestly thought the idea through other than wanting to get it over with and get revenge on the guy who had played him and the rest of the Akatsuki, his _family_, for a fool, but luckily there were others who had—kind of.

A pair of hands slammed into the table and a chair toppled backward with a loud clang. "NO!" snarled Deidara, anger positively burning in his visible eye.

Hidan glared at the blond. "Why the hell not! ? That asshole made us look like idiots, screwed with our emotions, got close to us even though he was plannin' on our deaths from the start! ! Why the fuck _don't_ you want to kill him? ? ?"

"Because, idiot, then we'd kill _Tobi_, too, yeah!"

An eerie silence fell over the table.

"…what are you talking about?" Kakuzu eventually asked, staring warily at the youngest of the group. "Madara was pretending to be Tobi to gain our trust—"

"You know jack shit," interrupted Deidara rudely. Kakuzu's eyes flashed and his fist clenched in a motion Hidan recognized as the "I'd-kill-you-if-I-could-right-now-but-I-can't-so-I'll-take-it-out-on-Hidan-later" look, but like the others was too busy wondering about Deidara's mental state to care right then.

"What do you mean?" Nagato asked in a rather calm voice, considering.

"I _mean_ that Tobi isn't Madara, un!"

The half-shouted announcement made Hidan stare in blank disbelief. "You ain't fuckin' serious," he said in as deadpan a voice as he could manage.

Deidara glared back, still leaning over the table. "Look, I'm not an idiot," he said in a quiet but still angered voice. "I was his partner for _months_. He wouldn't leave me _alone_, even turning down his own room to sleep in mine so he could spend more time with me, yeah. I _knew_ he wasn't totally there, yeah; he talked to himself almost constantly, sometimes using a totally different voice, including in his sleep, and usually it was crazy stuff about the 'Juubi' and 'control' and shit like that.

"The first few times I just put it down to mental instability—Akatsuki thing, the usual" (the other ex-Akatsuki looked suitably offended) "—but then the stuff he said got…weird, un. I heard him yelling at 'himself' more than once for 'interrupting him' and 'being so pathetic for latching on to a bunch of idiots' who'd leave him 'at the first opportunity' and once or twice just for being stupid in general." Deidara snarled silently before nearly growling a repeat of his earlier, "I'm _not_ an idiot. Obviously the kid had major problems, so when he disappeared one day I went to talk to Leader-sama and Konan-sama. They'd disappeared, too, and then I started to get worried, yeah? So I followed him the next time he disappeared and noticed the three of them walkin' into a room together and not coming back out for a bit."

"This is fascinatin' and all, but _what_ does this have ta do about the shitface bein' _not_ a shitface?!" Hidan interrupted harshly. The blond straightened and turned his glare to Hidan; despite the situation, the Jashinist had to appreciate the power in the youngest's stare and even felt a bit proud for teaching it to him (never mind that most of the Akatsuki had mastered similarly powerful glares).

"Because," he hissed, "it's obvious there's at least two personalities in Tobi's body. I thought it was just a really fucked-up Multiple-Personality Disorder, like Zetsu, but now that we know that fucktard Uchiha is a body-snatcher…it's Tobi's body, un! That manipulative, unartistic _Uchiha_ is just controlling him now! !"

"I think," Jashin-sama quietly said after a brief, awkward pause full of dawning horror for the three other ex-Akatsuki, "Deidara is correct. It's exactly as Itachi said. Tobi maintains the most amount of control of the body while he has someone he can be attached to, but as soon as that person dies Madara takes over with no hope of his 'host' regaining control again in the future."

Hidan leaned heavily back in his chair, staring at the wall in at first numb disbelief but eventually pure rage. His whole gaze turned red as he abruptly stood up, chair clattering back and making the others jump. He could sense Jashin-sama's concern and managed to ground out, "Blowin' off steam," before he stalked off.

He nearly face-palmed when the last he heard of the discussion was Deidara saying in a tone that suggested he was talking to himself, "But who was he attached to, un?"

So much for being '_not_ an idiot'…

-Wrath of Jashin-

Hidan returned to the hotel to find his group had already moved back into the Akatsuki base while he had been letting off steam. When he stormed into the Tower later, throwing a scroll filled with heads of various bounties at Kakuzu when he passed the miser, it was to eventually track down Jashin-sama in his room.

"Jashin-sama, what the fuck're ya doin'? !" he snarled upon barging into the room. Jashin-sama, who had been staring at the corner with a bemused smile on His face, whirled on His heel and stared in surprise at Hidan.

"Oh, it's just you, Hidan," He said, visibly relaxing and genuinely smiling. "I…uh, do you feel better?"

Hidan eyed his God doubtfully, but eventually decided to ignore Jashin-sama's nervousness; he was confident he'd find out what happened later. "Yeah. Find out anythin' after I left?"

A sigh broke from Jashin-sama's lips and He sat on the double bed, running a hand through His hair to try and smooth the unruly locks. "No. Mostly we just contemplated how oblivious Deidara can be before deciding to move in here. I grabbed your stuff."

"Thanks," muttered Hidan absently, not even glancing at the packs in the corner Jashin-sama gestured to. He was too busy staring at Samehada, propped next to the bed, with distaste. "Why the fuck are we keepin' that thing, again?"

"Her name is Samehada, and she's important to Kisame," was the instant response. Jashin-sama threw Hidan a wryly amused look. "It was your idea, remember?"

Hidan scowled, preparing to say something unflattering to his God, when a sudden gruff voice interrupted: "Whoever it was, thanks for that; I was getting annoyed with Bee-san's 'raps.'"

Two gazes snapped to stare at Samehada, which was unmoved other than the slow unwrapping of her bandages. When she was free, her scales began rattling, some slowly drawing in chakra from the air and expanding outward like a balloon. The scales stretched as they moved outward, forming distinctive shapes—an arm, a leg, a torso, a _head_—and soon a familiar blue-skinned figure was standing naked before them with a smirk that showed off finely pointed teeth.

Hidan knew he ironically resembled a fish as he sputtered for words. Jashin-sama was equally stunned by the appearance of the blue shark-man that casually stretched out his well-muscled limbs, stiff from disuse.

"K…Kisame! ! ? ! ?" Hidan finally shouted out, his face turning red. Kisame smirked again and flashed a peace sign.

"Yo," said he casually. A strangled cry escaped Hidan and he lunged forward, trying to punch Kisame in the face.

"YOU FUCKER! ! !"

Kisame quickly dodged the strike, beady eyes going wide in surprise. "The hell? !"

Hidan ignored the incredulous reaction in favor of trying to land a punch on the giant blue _fucktard_. This continued for a blurred amount of time that could have been seconds or minutes before Jashin-sama managed to hit him with one of His red jets of light.

The next thing Hidan knew he was face-down on the ground, glaring into his carpet with Jashin-sama muttering apologies in his mind and next to his body. Slowly, the albino breathed before getting to his feet, glaring at the nervous-looking Kisame (who had gotten a hold of an Akatsuki cloak, probably from Hidan's closet since it barely covered the 6'5" guy's junk) but refraining from moving aggressively. Instead, he ground out from between clenched teeth, "_You._ Are _alive_."

"…yes?" Kisame slowly affirmed. Hidan breathed in sharply before closing his eyes and listening to Jashin-sama say soothing nonsense in his mind, relaxing him better than anything less than a satisfying kill would.

"We thought you were dead," Jashin-sama needlessly said. Hidan snarled a, "no shit," and Kisame gave a much warier smirk.

"Good. The whole point was to make everyone _think_ I was dead."

"WHY THE FUCK—" Hidan began to shout. Jashin-sama's hand settled on his shoulder and he cut himself off, teeth gnashing as he glared at Kisame instead.

"Originally so I could get back to Madara-sama and report to him on the activities of the leaders whom were meeting at the Land of Iron, but when you took Samehada from Bee-san I decided spying on you all would work just as well," Kisame admitted carefully. Jashin-sama's grip tightened and Hidan glowered dangerously at Kisame, whom quickly continued: "I'm not planning on it anymore!"

"Why?" Jashin-sama asked, grip on Hidan still tight. His emotions were roiling and mixing with Hidan's, creating an explosive mix of anger, confusion, anger, denial, and anger; it was obvious that He was just barely holding back His somewhat-new Bakudan Kekkei Genkai with what little control He could retain given the current tension.

Kisame's expression became stormy as all of his normal good humor disappeared. "I joined Madara-san on the sole stipulation that he was going to create a world of truth. I followed him for years, trusting that he would manage to get rid of all deception, perhaps even pain in the world…but he never told me his exact plans. I didn't think they were important to know until recently, to be honest. But upon spending time within Samehada, observing your actions and what information you have gathered, I've realized that Madara-san is not stopping the lies. He's _contributing_ and _causing_ many of them, not the least of which being the continued assurance that his body was his own and Tobi-kun was merely an _act_ he put on for the benefit of others."

Jashin-sama stared silently into Kisame's beady eyes for far too long to be comfortable before He narrowed His own in thought. "Why not just disappear then? Why reveal yourself to us, admit all these things, with the possibility that you yourself would be killed?"

A bitter smile crossed Kisame's face. "I fear death about as much as I fear water, Jashin-sama. More than that, I fear being part of a world of lies that _I_ helped to create. I refuse to follow someone so steeped in them, to the point where he positively drips with deceptions and falsehoods, as Madara-san does. You, on the other hand, have been very truthful with all you have said and done to both allies and enemies. You can deceive, yes, but not without reason and often not on purpose. On top of that…"

A sharp-toothed snarl made Kisame appear more like a shark than Hidan had seen him since Orochimaru tried to take over Itachi's body. "I owe Madara-san some payback and I would be best positioned to get it with you," Kisame finished in a dark tone. Hidan could sense Jashin-sama's slight tremor at the sound of it.

Once more Jashin-sama didn't respond right off. His eyes bore into Kisame's, searching for something, and finally Hidan remembered—Jashin-sama could _read minds_. How well Hidan didn't exactly know, but he was confident his Jashin-sama was powerful enough to at least sense when He was being deceived. As it was Jashin-sama eventually stepped in front of Hidan, hand moving from his shoulder to His side once more.

"Will you take the Pledge of Jashin?" asked He without further delay.

Kisame grinned.

-Wrath of Jashin-

The next day found Hidan and Kisame casually sitting at breakfast, having enjoyed the freak-out from Kakuzu and Deidara when they walked in and spotted the unlikely arrival, when they were rudely interrupted. Nagato suddenly appeared in the room via Shunshin, gaze snapping over all present (lingering for only a moment of disbelief on Kisame) before he abruptly asked, "Where's Jashin-dono?"

Everyone instantly turned to Hidan, who blinked. "What?" he asked irritably. "Am I His fuckin' baby sitter now?"

It was nostalgic, Hidan mused moments later, to be pressed against the wall by an annoyed Akatsuki member and held in place by his throat…although the fact that it was Nagato instead of Kakuzu or Itachi was a bit unique.

"This is serious, Hidan," the ex-Leader snapped. "Where. Is. Jashin-dono!"

"Went for a walk," choked Hidan before kicking at Nagato's stomach. The red-haired man jumped back, letting Hidan drop to the ground with a cough. _Damn_ did Nagato have some upper-body strength! "The fuck's it so important?!"

Nagato ignored him and turned to Deidara. "Find him, now," he said to the blond. "Konoha has sent Naruto the Nine-Tailed Jinchuuriki's team to see us…or, more likely, to take us out before we become a true threat once again."

Hidan's jaw dropped, Deidara doing the same before both were smacked upside the head by Kakuzu. "I'll get him," said Deidara finally, shaking himself before starting toward the front door. Hidan was already accessing the link between he and Jashin only to be interrupted when the door opened

to kunai smacking all of Deidara's vital points at once…

-END-

MKL's Post-Production Notes (11-1-12): OH MY GOD I'VE MISSED YOU ALL! It's been forever since I've updated, and I'm soooo sorry! ! ! I won't make excuses, but I will mention that there IS a series of perfectly good reasons for me not updating...and for those of you whom have reviewed in the last few months, the reason why I haven't responded to them is because I've been using that as a way to convince me to write. Unfortunately, other aspects of life have further prevented this from coming out...but I will be responding to everyone tomorrow afternoon! So don't be surprised if you get a sudden response to something you wrote back in August!

I love you all, and thanks for being (mostly?) patient with me. I promise there will not be this long of a break between updates ever again if I can at all help it. Also, for those of you whom were hit by Sandy, my love be with you especially. I hope you came out relatively well and if not, I'm sorry for whatever/whomever you lost. I hope recovery is swift.


	18. BDay Special Answer Your Reviews

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: Well it's my birthday and the last full arc of the story…so let's once more listen to our Jashinists' answers to your reviews! Enjoy~!

**Birthday Special:  
><strong>**Hidan (And Co.) Answer(s) Your Reviews! Again!  
><strong>"Prepare to be spicy tuna rolled!_"  
><em>-Square Enix (The World Ends With You, NDS)

Harry had a severe case of deja-vu. A ridiculously severe case. One moment, he had been leaving the base, wanting to go get some fresh air without Hidan breathing down his neck (he loved the albino but _honestly_, he needed _space_ sometimes!), and the next he was dumped in the Gryffindor Common Room.

He blinked. Hidan appeared on the couch next to him, yelping as he was jerked out of the sound sleep Harry had left him in.

He blinked again. Kakuzu and Deidara appeared on two chairs on one side of him, Kakuzu gripping a cup of coffee and cursing when it spilled all over him due to his shock and Deidara sleepily mumbling about explosions as he cuddled…dear god, that was a teddy bear, wasn't it?

Slightly dreading it, Harry dared to blink again and this time when his eyes opened Nagato and Kisame had appeared on the opposite couch, Nagato with a pen held in the air as though he had just been signing something (highly likely) and Kisame mid-yawn.

There was a long pause as everyone took in what the fuck had just happened. For three of the first four to arrive, memories flooded back with explainations and groans overtook them.

"This again?" Harry moaned as Kakuzu reached over to shake Deidara awake. The blond jolted into a sitting position, holding the…erm…teddy…bear…like it was a shield and groping for what was presumably a weapon before he seemed to realize what was going on. Then he just blinked rapidly in a sleepy daze.

"Where are we, brat?" Sasori's voice snapped as he and Itachi's spirit drifted over from the corner. Itachi was blank as he settled next to Deidara's one side, Sasori hovering before Harry with a deadly glare in place.

"Don't call Jashin-sama a brat, ya dickless Barbie!" snapped Hidan as he lunged to his feet and attempted to slam a fist into Sasori's cheek. Harry winced when his most faithful fell straight through the spriit as though he wasn't there in the first place.

"We're here again, un?" asked Deidara, annoyed. His gaze slipped around the room before stopping on Kisame, jaw dropping in disbelief. "Wait, what the—Kisame?! You're _alive_! ? ! !"

"Better believe it, Dei-chan," Kisame said with a sharky grin, snickering when Deidara sputtered in protest at the name. "Just arrived last night."

"We can discuss that later," Harry sighed, reaching up and rubbing his temples. "If this is anything like last time, we'll be here a while, answering questions and making comments on horribly offensive…er, what were they called?"

"Reviews," Kakuzu muttered irritably. Harry nodded in thanks just as a piece of parchment appeared in front of his face.

"I…must be starting this time."

"Wait, so we're stuck here like rats 'til we're done?" Kisame asked, eyes narrowing slightly. Harry nodded and he grumbled, but apparently didn't care enough to object, although next to him Nagato grumbled about paperwork-monsters he'd never conquer and Sasori hovered to sulk in the corner.

"Anyway," coughed Harry before reading the first 'review' out loud:

_Fun story! I think this is my favorite Harry-Jashin fIc, and I love the resurrection bit. I was wondering though, since he doesn't need a body, could he bring back Sirius? Though I'm not sure Sirius would much like Jashin-Harry or his new followers... Oh well...  
><em>_Adele365_

"Bring back…serious?" Nagato blankly asked, twiddling his pen between his fingers. Harry looked pained at the familiar pun.

"My godfather, whom died almost five years ago," he quietly announced. He pretended not to notice the sympathetic stares from the others in the room, speaking in a slightly louder voice. "I could revive Sirius if I were still in my dimension, but not in this one. This is a completely different plane of existence than home. It's impossible to bring souls from the other side over here…let alone revive them.

"Besides," continued the Jashin with a bitter smile, "he's with his family there. All the Marauders, reunited in the afterlife for the first time in fifteen years. I think it's better to just leave him alone."

The parchment disappeared, a somber mood in the room before another one appeared before Kakuzu. The miser grumbled and scowled but eventually read, in a bitter tone befitting his dislike of the situation:

_One thing i hate about most stories. Anyone in the rookie 9, most of there teachers, anyone with the last name Uchiha never die. The author could make the main character the most blood thirsty mother fucker in the entire world and yet when put in a position where they SHOULD die the main character lets them live. I never fucking get it.. just don't put them in the position where they should die if you don't want them to die. If you do put them in the position then fucking kill them.  
><em>_FTFCHRIS_

"You're fuckin' telling me!" Hidan said with a sneer. "Damn deer…got him down and he just getting' back up! It was annoying as balls, seriously!"

"I fought with that bitch Uchiha who somehow managed to pull enough chakra out his ass to summon the _boss of the snakes_ even though we were both out seconds before, un," Deidara bitterly added. "Damn Uchiha…"

"I injected the pink-haired medic and Baa-sama _multiple times_ with my strongest poison and they _still_ managed to survive," growled Sasori, clenching an ethereal fist. "It was some consolation that Baa-sama eventually joined me, but the old hag should've been dead _long_ before then…"

"I chose to revive everyone," was Nagato's bland input, "so it was hardly this 'author's' fault."

"Still can't believe you did that, ruining all your hard work," Kisame muttered with a frown of annoyance. "You should be proud of all that destruction and blood, Nagato-sama!"

"Statements such as that prove why I was the diplomat of the team," Itachi sighed. Harry just stared at all of them in disbelief, barely noticing the next parchment appear before Hidan, who eventually read:

_This was a great chapter, and I got a thrill out of seeing you used one of my reviews! I don't usually like seeing the fourth wall demolished but it was strangely appropriate here. I mean, otherwise all of the action would take place in the hidden countries! And did Deidara's remark mean he has been harrassed by fangirls too? I cannot see why that would be *shifty eyes*. The talented Uchiha heir must have had his own harrowing experiences trying to beat back the hordes.  
><em>_Barranca_

Both Itachi and Deidara migrated to the corner across from Sasori's. It mysteriously darkened and the two mumbled about fangirls, horrifying encounters, and—Harry's eyebrows shot up in amused disbelief—many, many betrothals from pastel-haired stalker-banshees.

"Wish I had fangirls," Kisame wistfully said, also moping a bit but for entirely different reasons. "Just because I look like a _fish_ it doesn't mean I'm any less of a _man_…"

"There, there," muttered Nagato with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "It's alright. Surely one day your princess will come find you."

"When did we enter a Disney fairytale?" Harry wondered to Kakuzu, who was the only sane one at the moment (Sasori was indifferent to a frightening degree and Hidan was jeering at the two fangirl-cursed men and the one un-fangirl-cursed man alternatively).

"Children, the lot of them," Kakuzu simply said. Although he was aware of the horrors of fangirls Harry had to privately agree…they weren't _that_ bad…then again…his weren't trained to stalk people effectively…

The very thought made Harry pale and shudder.

Soon the two in the corner recovered and Deidara had his turn:

_Love the story but i need to point out one major glaring error. Killer Bee is from Kumo, NOT Iwa like Deidara is, and is the Raikage's adopted little brother. I suppose Deidara and Bee could have met at some point so that Deidara knows about the whole rap thing from then, but they were never apart of the same village.  
><em>_Dragon Alchemist_

"That's easy to answer, un," Deidara said with a faint smirk. "Kumo and Iwa have an alliance. As a sign of good-will we exchanged Jincuuriki for a year, back when I was still a Special Jounin. Bee spent a good chunk of time just following random people, asking for input on his raps, yeah? It was torture but he disappeared just before any of us could kill him and make it 'accidental,' un."

"Don't blame you, kid," Kisame grimaced. "I could barely stand it for the week I was there…ugh! That should be a new torture technique!"

Deidara smirked faintly. "It is."

There was a shudder from the fish-man but Itachi began reading his piece before any more nightmares could be produced from the banter (?):

_I love it! And I must say that I'm glad some of the Akatsuki are refusing to come back, to me it makes your story more realistic as some people wouldn't want to come back. And another thing, it seems to have been awhile since Harry's/Jashin's minions have killed someone, shouldn't they have killed some people to get his energy up to fix Pein/Nagato's body? Or did they not think about it?  
><em>_Metautske_

Harry grimaced at the reminder of how their links were replenished.

"For reviving Nagato's body, it was simply a case of drawing in ambient magic and my physical energy to rebuild his body; the link was in no way involved," he explained awkwardly. "As for the killing…well…"

"Hidan and I have been taking care of bounties regularly," Kakuzu blandly stated as if it weren't about him killing someone for selfish reasons. "Oftentimes villages prefer them dead over alive so they can be assured no secrets can be removed, assuming it is a low- to mid-ranked bounty. The higher-level bounties often bring in more alive than dead, but only if it is a rogue being returned to their home country or with a notably weak will."

"Trash, you mean," spat Kisame. His views on loyalty were well-known so no one said anything.

Interestingly, it was here the previous pattern was broken to include the new additions to the room. Nagato suspiciously eyed the parchment in front of him before slowly taking hold of it and reading:

_[…]Yeah, Harry's seen much weirder and scarier than Zetsu. Baby homunculus Voldemort and acromantula come to mind. And Blast-ended Screwts. And Voldemort-face growing out of the back of someone's skull. And Lockhart on Valentine's Day accompanied by singing "cherubs" delivering "poetry" from Ginny. Yeah, he's seen MUCH scarier than a man-eating plant man. Can't wait to see Jashin save Tobi. I really, really want Tobi to be saved and for Tobi to see Madara stomped FLAT. Then I hope that Sasuke doesn't get killed, but it would be VERY nice to see Jashin spank his ass in front of everyone. That's not a euphemism for beating him in battle. I mean draw down his drawers and spank his hiney red. In front of everyone.  
><em>_mabidiso_

Deidara and Hidan both burst out laughing at the idea of Sasuke being spanked in public. Kisame, Nagato, and Sasori were smirking slightly…Itachi looked annoyed but resigned and said nothing. Harry simply smiled and thought, yes, he _had_ seen much scarier than Zetsu and fantasized for a few moments about the different ways he could make Madara's life hell if he got the chance.

(It was far more likely Madara would be taken care of as swiftly as possible, but a man can dream.)

Kisame next received a paper and he read with great enthusiasm:

_I'm so happy you're back! Great chapter; loved the surprise!shark and omg Deidara nooooo. I'm a little confused on one point, though - did Kisame replace Sameheda or was he inside her? As in, is the sword still there after Kisame appeared? It's a little late, so maybe it's just my reading comprehension failing, but I thought I'd let you know that at least one reader was confused.  
><em>_Mel_

"I was in Samehada," said he with a smirking smile. "She and I have a close bond, to the point where we have almost the exact same chakra signature and she can augment my abilities greatly. We can also mold into each other's bodies if we need to hide…or for easy carrying for her. In this case I was gathering information, so I hid inside of her."

"What happened to Deidara?" Harry couldn't help but ask. The blond, still clutching his teddy bear but not seeming to notice, blinked with large blue eyes at the group…it was all Harry could do not to coo and suddenly he wondered if spending so much time with Luna, Hermione, and Ginny before he left was _really_ such a good idea.

Sasori started when a paper appeared before him and sneered. "I would have assumed I was done with torture after death," he irritably said before reluctantly reading:

_hmmmm... just thinking of how harry and hidan would react to one of my reviews... mwhahah, makes me want to mention what i think sasori and diedara could have doing together with just a tube of choc cream, a rubber band and a fluffy blanket... *passes out from nosebleed*  
><em>_lisa. demonic. angel_

Sasori had dropped the paper by the time he got to "fluffy" and Deidara looked so ill Harry conjured a bucket, just in case. The rest of the room was full of smirks and uproarious laughter.

"Got you two fags pegged!" howled Hidan with laughter, literally falling off the couch and banging the floor with his fists. Deidara bared his teeth in a snarl even as Sasori continued to appear too stunned to react.

"Like you're one to talk, un!" snapped the explosive expert. "I heard about you kissin' Jashin-sama!"

Instantly Hidan's face contorted into rage and he glared at Kakuzu. "WHAT THE FUCK, KAKUZU, WE TOLD YOU IT WASN'T WHAT IT FUCKIN' LOOKED LIKE!"

"And what did it look like?" was Kakuzu's smooth, bland response. Hidan exploded with more expletives and threats.

Harry simply blushed heavily and wished the sofa would swallow him whole.

Suddenly Itachi's voice rang out, tinged with dark amusement:

_[…]  
><em>_I still think Sasori's a (BLEEP). The following threat has been censored because FFnet would probably take it down if it wasn't.  
><em>_If I could get to Sasori, I would take a staple gun and nail (censored) and us some super glue to (censored) all over the wall, then drag he entrails out through (censored) until (censored, and just consider this a REALLY long one). Following that, a rusty spoon would be used to (censored) while sulfuric acid would be mixed up with his (censored) and melt his (censored, though less for violence and more for other reasons this time) and poured down various other orifices. I could go on for a while, but this should be enough to... unsettle, I suppose. Just know that, eventually, it would be worse than what he did to turn himself into a puppet, self-castration included.  
><em>_May the scorch of a legion of fangirls' glares burn him forever.  
><em>_[…]  
><em>_phoenixyfriend_

Everyone in the room was flinching by this point. It was silent enough Harry was sure they could hear a butterfly if it was within a mile of the room.

Of course, no one could comment on it because by this point they were all back where they were previously, Deidara wondering why he had a sudden taste for chocolate and vengeance on Sasori as he hugged his teddy bear close and drifted back to sleep.

-END-

MKL's Post-Production Note (11-10-12): Well I don't think it's up to par with my last one, but I had fun, and I hope you all did too! Since today's my birthday I decided to spoil you all by giving you another one of these chapters since the last one went over so well. Ah, well I'm tired and going to bed. Check out the new poll on my profile to let me know what story you'd like to see after WoJ is finished! I'll give priority to the one(s) with the most votes! =^w^=


	19. Episode Thirteen Battle Begins

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Thirteen – Battle Begins  
><strong>"_Go out into the world today and love the people you meet.  
><em>_Let your presence light new light in the hearts of people."  
><em>-Mother Teresa

Harry awoke with a cough and a sneeze. It was an omen of more horrid events to come, he quickly came to realize.

First he tripped climbing out of bed. He fell flat on his face, cracking his glasses and although it was quickly fixed, it was still painful and annoying.

Then, Harry walked into the bathroom to find that for the first time since sixth year, he'd gotten a zit. And not just any zit, oh no—it was the mother of _all_ zits, smack in the middle of his forehead, just next to the infamous scar. A bit of concealer covered it up, but the very thought of Hidan's taunting when he found out made Harry grimace.

Of course after that he walked into the kitchen to find a lack of any food other than leftover sushi from the night before, a bit of meat in the freezer that was clearly frostbitten to the point of being unrecognizable (considering Zetsu was a cannibal, that was probably for the best …), expired milk, and something in a plastic container labeled "Kakuzu's – Keep Out, Hidan."

At this point Harry had realized this wasn't a good sign and with a loud groan of annoyance, he checked that he had grabbed some ryu Kakuzu had given him (after much debating/threatening/bribery) and reluctantly went out into the wet world that was Amegakure. It was early enough that any trace of light from the sun slipping between thinner clouds was nonexistent and more than once Harry got lost on the way to his ultimate destination.

Finally, _finally_ he found where he wanted to go—a small family-owned restaurant famous for their ramen and oden which Deidara had introduced him to shortly after they first arrived. Deidara, of course, had ordered bakudan-heavy foods…probably for the irony, Harry decided after mentioning it to Hidan later…but Harry had found himself sampling various kinds of ramen. It was so different from the infamous pre-packaged stuff that was shipped out to the rest of the world yet so very wonderful.

Luckily they served it this early or else Harry would have had to wait for someone to wake up and help him find something. A small miracle given how the day was going so far, he thought irritably as he shook the rain from where it had seeped under his cloak's hood.

"Hari-sama, good morning!" greeted the owner with a large smile and overdramatic wink while saying the mokier Harry had told her to use. Sakuya was a kind woman not much older than he, yet much more open and full of life, even at this ungodly hour of morning. "You're up before the sun today! Having problems in the Tower?"

"Just lack of food," Harry said with a sigh, sitting at the counter and ignoring the booths behind him. "You'd think the others didn't know that it was required to eat to survive, no matter what protections they may or may not have recently gained…"

The power of "Jashin-sama" had spread wide throughout Ame already partly thanks to Hidan's previous obsession (okay, current/eternal obsession) but mostly thanks to Nagato's official return to the living despite his confirmed death a few weeks before. This was both a blessing and a curse, since the Akatsuki didn't have to explain much about the process with which they were brought back…while Harry was besieged by literal hundreds of well-meaning people who wanted to find out how to worship him as well in both thanks and greed.

Sakuya, thank god, was _not_ one of those people and merely gave a sympathetic smile. "Well then you've come to the right place! What would you like this morning, Hari-sama?"

"Tonkotsu ramen, if you please, Sakuya," he said with relief. Sakuya giggled at his visible slump and agreed, wandering toward the back kitchen to start work on his order.

Ame was shockingly quiet this early in the morning. Instead of the bustling of people who knew each other well and had to catch up daily, there was only the murmur of a few early-risers and the pattering of rain on the rooftops. It was relaxing, reflected Harry as he closed his eyes, to be away from chaos for even a brief moment.

"RAMEN! ! !"

Harry literally fell out of his chair at the loud shout right next to his ear, eyes swirling and his body twitching as he tried to recover. His eardrums rang in discontent and he tearfully thought of how much he'd miss his ability to understand any speech below shouting level.

"Oh Kami, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?!" the voice that had broken his delicate ears asked in a frantic and only slightly lower voice. Harry blinked away the stars in his eyes to spot a mess of spiky blond hair and bright blue eyes that bore into his own worriedly.

"I'm fine," he groaned, shaking his head and struggling to sit up. The blond grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet with surprising strength, still looking worried and now sheepish as well.

"Sorry, sorry, didn't know you were there, 'ttebayo or else I'd have been quieter. Are you sure you're okay?"

Harry blinked and shook his head to fully clear it before he felt recovered enough to reassure the blond. It seemed he wasn't believed, since the younger of the two insisted on helping him sit down again and paying for his food.

"After all, Gama-chan is getting heavy," the blond joked with a wide grin as he held up a stuffed frog purse.

"'Gama-chan?'" echoed Harry, faintly amused. "You named your purse?"

His companion put on a suitably offended expression. "Hey, Gama-chan's more than a purse! He's the greatest wallet a ninja could ever ask for, dattebayo!"

Unable to help himself, Harry laughed at the teen's enthusiasm, being joined rather quickly by the owner of "Gama-chan." "I see…you're a ninja, then?" He glanced over the kid before him—black and burnt-orange outfit under a red cloak that had black flames along the hem—and quirked a brow. "Where's your forehead protector or whatever it's called?"

"Eh?" asked the blond, squinting in surprise. "It's right—HEY!" Sakuya entered the room in time to catch the shout, joining Harry's wince as the youngest began patting first his bare forehead, then his cheeks, then his neck and jacket frantically. "Ah no, I must've left it with Sensei when I ran out! !"

Two sweatdrops met the bemoaned announcement. "Er…I won't tell if you won't. Sakuya?"

"Of course not, Hari-sama!" she responded without hesitation. "Ninja-san, can I get you something to eat?"

In an instant it seemed all the teen's fears swept from his youthful face as he grinned. "Miso chāshū ōmori, please!" he chirped, perching on the stool next to Harry's. "Three bowls to start with!"

Sakuya was clearly amused by this announcement and agreed indulgently. Harry, on the other hand, didn't hesitate to chuckle. "Hungry, eh?" asked he, pulling his own newly-arrived bowl close so he could start eating. The blond grinned.

"Aw yeah, you know it, Hari-kun!" (Harry blinked in amusement at the familiar address, but didn't correct the strange ninja.) "I've been on a bunch of missions lately and have hardly had any rest in the last few months. It's just been training, battles, training, battles, battles, training, battles, missions, training, and more missions!"

The cycle was familiar to Harry from his own time at Hogwarts, but he didn't address the similarities, instead calmly explaining to the petulant-looking ninja his thoughts. "Well that's what you sign up for when becoming a ninja, isn't it? You sign over all your free time to your 'Kage as long as it's needed and if you're lucky, you get breaks…right?"

"Well yeah," agreed the blond easily, smiling a bit, "I know that. Still, it gets annoying sometimes, y'know? Sometimes I'd like to put myself before my duty…but I won't 'cause my village and my precious people need me!"

"Precious people?" Harry echoed, gazing thoughtfully in his nearly empty bowl of ramen. His eating companion didn't seem to notice, thanking Sakuya profusely as she delivered his ramen and after a brief thanks (or something…Harry never did find out what that overly long word meant) nodding enthusiastically.

"Yup! All the people who believed in me, even when the rest of the village thought I was just a monster: Iruka-sensei and Ichiraku-ojii and Jii-sama…"

There was more, but at this point Harry had tuned out, smiling wistfully as he remembered those whom had also stood with him through thick and thin. Ron, his first friend who was a bit spoiled but after years of war and the realization of betrayal's hurt became the best mate a guy could ask for. Hermione, the bookworm who was so kindhearted and loyal despite her at times overbearing personality. Neville, the shy but brave Herbology apprentice, standing by him and slaying his largest fears for the sake of his friends. Ginny, his only ever relationship, the one he saved in his second year and that had turned from a fangirl into one of his closest friends and didn't hold his own inability to stay in their relationship against him. Luna, the young girl who was so different yet so powerful and loyal when given the chance to simply have friends who loved her for who she was rather than what she said.

A low curse flew through his thoughts and Harry smiled wider. Hidan, his only family, who had never given up hope in him and cared more for the younger's safety than his own. Who was determined to help him even from another universe, protected him at the cost of whatever it took, who was so gruff yet kind and really the only one who knew _everything_ about the Jashin…who knew everything and still cared so deeply…

"Yes, I know what you mean," said Harry after he pulled from his thoughts to see the blond slurping a second (?!) bowl of ramen already. "Precious people…you're really wise, kid, you know that?"

"I ain't a kid, dattebayo!" the blond said without bite, fake-glaring at Harry even as his eyes glittered happily. "My name's Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha's future Rokudaime Hokage!"

Sakuya's eyes went wide in surprise but it took Harry a moment longer to understand what was wrong. Then the words permeated his happy haze and his gaze hardened warningly.

"Uzumaki Naruto?" he echoed, trying hard not to be angry. Nagato had explained Naruto was his legacy, a true Child of Prophecy (the title had made Harry wince sympathetically), yet this kid was directly responsible for at least two of his Followers' deaths…his _family's_ deaths…he was also part of the village that kept trying to _tear them apart_ again, even after having come _dangerously_ close to breaking Harry from his only family…

Naruto seemed to sense something was now wrong, since he tensed slightly and stopped midway through his third (WHERE WAS IT ALL GOING!?) bowl to stare sideways at Harry. Harry stared back and opened his mouth to question the ninja, but a shout from Hidan's part of the link distracted him. He lunged to his feet with a sharp, "Close up and buckle down," to Sakuya and a final glance at Naruto before he turned on his heel to arrive in Hidan's location.

He arrived in the middle of a battle that after only a few seconds was already deeply underway just outside of the Tower of Pein-sama. The battle was split up into three parts; the one closest to the door was between Kisame, who was clad only in a loose pair of black pants and nothing else, was baring his teeth in a snarl and weidling Samehada against a young man about Harry's age with silvery hair and similarly pointed teeth, his own bared in a grin of bloodlust as he wielded a large knife-like sword with a circular cuts out of it toward the top and the base, his body clad in purple and black and his arms almost comically muscled compared to the rest of his body.

The next closest made Harry's blood begin to boil dangerously. It consisted of Kakuzu and Hidan, both also wearing loose pants although Kakuzu had a thin white T-shirt that was torn in several places, against a giant of a man. The guy was similar to Hagrid in proportions, easily as tall as the 6'5" Kisame and much bulkier, wild orange hair flying about his face and mutated grey-blue skin that Kakuzu's stitches were having obvious problems piercing, never mind Hidan's recently-remade scythe that barely scratched the man's cheek and even then didn't bring blood.

The farthest battle caused Harry to turn from hot-blooded rage to cold-blooded fury. In it were Deidara, fully dressed except his missing sandals, and Nagato, who looked as though he hadn't gone to sleep at all the night before and was still wearing the clothes from the day before, fighting furiously with what looked like a young Itachi with colder eyes and a stupid haircut. It was easy to deduce that this was young Uchiha Sasuke.

Futhermore, by the cloaks the three interlopers wore, it was also easy to deduce they had joined the Akatsuki.

_Sorry, Itachi,_ thought Harry as he yanked out his wand with a stony expression and prepared to jump into battle, _but it looks like your little brother has screwed up your plan. I hope you can forgive me for what I have to do._

He lunged.

-Wrath of Jashin-

**Hoshigaki Kisame -versus- Hozuki Suigetsu**

Deidara's body was falling, falling, falling down, blood spraying from the wounds, a glazed look in the blond's eye. Kisame had just enough time to feel numb disbelief before there was a satisfying "poof" and where Deidara had been was simply a construct of clay in the vague shape of a human full of weapons.

There wasn't much time to feel relief as Deidara appeared in the same spot he had vanished from, standing on top of his statue and snarling out the door a loathsome, "_You!_"

"So what Tobi says is true," sneered a familiar icy voice from outside. In an instant the other ex-Akatsuki were outside the door around Deidara, glaring at three figures in inky black cloaks with bloody red clouds—one of which Kisame didn't recognize, but the other two of which he easily did.

"Uchiha Sasuke," Nagato greeted dryly despite the fire of anger in his eyes from the obvious murder attempt. A pitiful one, given Deidara's status of S-Class and thus relative inability to be killed in such a way, but it was a murder attempt none the less. "To what do we owe this visit?"

Sasuke's gaze was dark and cold as Itachi's after a particularly bloody kill. "The washed-up has-beens of the Akatsuki are being revived. I'm here to take you out."

"You, take us out?!" Hidan jeered belligerently. "Yeah right! You're nothin' but a little pansy! !"

Sasuke's eyes flashed and with a simple move of his shoulder, the fight began. In an instant Kisame found himself alone, gripping Samehada as the others went off to fight their own battles, facing a familiar kid he had faced seriously only once before.

"Gaki," he greeted, more annoyed than anything. "What happened?"

Suigetsu was surprisingly silent, instead pulling out his stolen (because any sword not given to another by an actual member of the Seven Swordsmen was considered stolen) Kubikiribōchō and lunging forward with a look of intense concentration. Kisame barely had to move to block the strike with Samehada's broad side, giving a massive yawn in Suigetsu's face to emphasize the easy.

A growl from the kid accompanied a kick at Kisame's stomach that he stepped back to dodge, shifting his position and starting an intricate dance. Thrust, parry, slash, slash, parry, thrust, parry, parry, slash, parry—it was as exhilarating as it was strange to have a decent challenge in a true kenjutsu match, Kisame reflected after dodging a particularly well-aimed slice that would have taken off his leg. As it was not even his pants were ripped by the motion.

"Seriously, is this the best you've got for me, Sui-_chan_?" asked Kisame with a bloodthirsty grin and stress on the feminine ending. "What happened to making me 'shark fin soup', eh? With moves like this, you're not gunna make it—I haven't even broken a sweat yet!"

Whatever reaction Kisame was expecting, it wasn't a smirk. It also wasn't a sudden flare of chakra behind him that he barely dodged, whirling slightly to see a small set of kunai that were moments away from hitting his leg. Instead they flew into Suigetsu, who didn't even flinch. It became obvious why when the kunai were absorbed into his body and moments later reformed in one of his hands, the other overly muscled thanks to his kekkei genkai and gripping Kubikiribōchō.

In a moment Kisame's anger doubled and he snarled nastily. "_You're_ the one who tried that stupid stunt?!"

"What, you upset I attacked your little boy-toy?" mocked Suigetsu, throwing the kunai before lunging forward with the Decapitating Carving Knife. "I bet you just keep him around as a sex doll, eh!? Feminine guy like that ain't good for much else!"

Kisame's limited control snapped and for a while, the battle was nothing more than a rain of blows toward Suigetsu and his and Samehada's identical rage and bloodlust. The gaki had gone too far, implying that of Deidara, of all people…the very idea made Kisame want to gouge Suigetsu's eyes out. Maybe then the brat would keep in mind that _no one_ appreciated such comments!

Finally the blows winded down and Kisame, panting, realized Suigetsu's plan. The gaki had obviously realized how protective Kisame was of those who he viewed as kids—probably from his own experience being (relatively) babied when still an apprentice of the Swordsmen—and used it against him. A low-blow tactic…but then again it worked. Kisame had used too much energy in his anger and was less than his best after only a few minutes of dodging on Suigetsu's part. Worse, the gaki didn't look at all affected, standing there as energized and pristine as earlier. At this point, he should have at _least_ been panting for a second…

"Gettin' tired, old man?" mocked Suigetsu. And for a moment he wasn't an enemy, he was a little kid, taunting Kisame when he went easy on him while taking over training from Zabuza for the day, receiving that same taunt for his efforts. Then he was in a battle once more, facing a brat who had tried (sloppily, but tried) to kill one of Kisame's most precious people, and the anger returned with a snarl of pure malice.

"Not in your LIFE, GAKI! !" he snapped out, lunging forward once more, this time keeping careful check on his actions. The damage, however, had already been done…as shown when Suigetsu managed to get a light scratch on his arm that was less than debilitating but a sure sign that Kisame was still making huge mistakes.

Suigetsu was positively singing before him. "Shark fin soup, shark fin soup, I'm gunna have some shark fin soup~! C'mon, _senpai,_" the sarcasm was biting even though he had just gotten a gash in his side that was quickly healed up thanks to his kekkei genkai, "can't you do any better than that? Getting sloppy in your old age, eh? I betcha that's the real source of your anger—that blond guy probably has more stamina than you do in the bed; you can't manage to keep it up—whoops!"

The younger managed to duck a particularly vicious swipe from Kisame, although some of his hair was clipped off and reduced to water that rained back on his head. Suigetsu didn't even notice, too busy laughing uproariously at the reaction and lunging forward again, still as energized as ever.

At this time, Kisame heard a loud 'crack' and sensed a familiar chakra signature appearing nearby. He mentally cursed—_Of all the times for you to show up, Jashin-sama…get OUT of here! ! !_

Unfortunately there was no connection between Kisame and Jashin due to his declining of the Pledge, preferring to live a relatively normal life when the war was over instead of eternity with a guy he respected but barely knew. This meant Jashin heard nothing of the plea.

Suigetsu, on the other hand, apparently saw Kisame's darting gaze and ferally grinned.

"Another one?" he jeered. "And a civilian, looks like! Taking those weaker than you now? Can't even keep up with a ninja—have to take a _civilian_ to bed to get any action, to feel stronger and look cooler now—OOF!"

Jashin was next to Kisame, having moved his hand in a sweeping motion and creating a large club from thin air that was then sent flying into Suigetsu's stomach. The gaki hurtled into a building nearby from the force with a cry of shock and probably would have broken the wall if not for Nagato's protections over the city.

"Who is he?" asked Jashin without preamble, glaring at the figure.

"Hozuki Suigetsu," Kisame said after taking a deep breath, senses stretching to look for his prey. "Who is quickly revealing himself to either be great at tactics or a complete dumbass."

"The worst sort of opponent, the kind you can't peg as great or terrible."

Kisame privately agreed but said nothing, instead spinning and catching a series of those water kunai that flew towards Jashin with Samehada. She greedily sucked out their chakra and the things were reduced to normal water, falling to the ground along with the rain around them—

_That's it._

"Jashin-sama, can you do something to stop the rain?" asked Kisame hurriedly. The younger blinked in surprise.

"Er—in a specific area, sure, but that's probably about it…" he admitted thoughtfully. Kisame smirked ferally.

"Good," said the shark man, lifting Samehada as Suigetsu finally reappeared with a glare at Jashin that promised death, "then I'm trusting you to keep the rain off of this kid. Think you can manage?"

"Alright, but I don't see how ACK! !"

Jashin was quickly shoved aside to avoid a swipe from Kubikiribōchō that would have taken off his arm, Kisame intercepting the blow and drawing Suigetsu's attention. He could sense Jashin hesitate before retreating a bit so he was out of sight.

"How the hell did that happen?!" hissed Suigetsu angrily.

"Getting frustrated, gaki?" mocked Kisame. Any witty retort was cut off as Suigetsu suddenly jumped back, staring in disbelief at his arm once a safe distance away.

"What the fuck!?"

Kisame realized why Suigetsu was so shocked quickly. The water that hit his arm—and, indeed, his whole body—fell off harmlessly instead of doing as predicted.

"Problem, Sui-chan?" Kisame asked with a smirk. "Your supply cut off?"

"You did this! ! ?" Suigetsu shouted, glaring in disbelief. Kisame's smirk widened.

"I didn't do anything but level the playing field. You can't absorb the rain anymore when it hits you, so you don't have unlimited stamina anymore. Now," he lifted Samehada, "it's a fair fight."

Suigetsu's paling face earned a loud belly laugh from Kisame and with this new advantage, he once more lunged. It was now pathetically easy to take care of Suigetsu, since the muscles he had to use to wield Kubikiribōchō were fake and took much water/energy to keep up, and soon the kid was a pile of melted jelly with a melted face laying in a pile of clothes.

For the moment, Kisame's job was done. Now he could only hope the others were doing half as well…

-END-

MKL's Post-Production Notes (11-30-12): Whew, a battle chapter. This is the first one I've done in...a while. I'm not a huge fan of how it turned out, so let me know how I can improve for the next one, alright? Well, the next-next one, since this bit of the arc is already fully written...but anyway! I'm sure some of you have problems with how Suigetsu was acting. Keep in mind that he's trying to unnerve Kisame, first of all...and second of all, he's a teenage guy. Sex is the first thing they think of and once it was proven to get under Kisame's skin, he had no problems keeping with it (I almost wrote "keeping it up" hahaha... ^.^';;). So while it may arguably be a bit vulgar for him, it will stay.

Also, I already hear the cries of "Suigetsu's powers don't work that way!" Well my answer to that is that this is fanfiction. It's my personal interpretation of his powers-a bit more dramatic for the sake of this battle (he could probably have held up longer toward the end and I don't think he can absorb water and turn it into pure energy to keep him going), but it's still my interpretation. Feel free to tell me how to improve it, however...if they ain't dead, don't ever count 'em out! And even then...with Impure Ressurection and the revival spell...hehehehehe~ -evil laughter-

This is really a long note, but final mention: It's a reviewers' birthday today! Happy birthday, HeidiFox! I hope the day was wonderful and I appologize for not putting this up sooner~ Many happy returns and days to come! :D


	20. Episode Fourteen And the Winner Is?

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Fourteen – And The Winner Is…?  
><strong>"_People are capable of kindness beyond angels,  
><em>_yet we also commit sins that would put a demon to shame..."  
><em>-Square Enix (Final Fantasy XI)

**Zonbi Konbi* (Jiongu no Kakuzu and Hidan) -versus- Tenbin no Juugo****

Hidan was practically salivating when he saw the incoming fight. It had been _so long_ since he'd felt free enough to go all-out; even when he left to let off steam, he never had _fun_ during to-the-death fights out of fear of what Jashin-sama would think or say. Lately it had just been a duty instead of the hobby it used to be.

Now, though…now he had an excuse to have some fun!

As soon as the Uchiha brat had shown irritation, the kid with the sword had lunged at Kisame eagerly and the orange-haired one stood with narrowed eyes and twitching hands next to Uchiha.

"Juugo," said Sasuke dryly, the orange-haired one—Juugo, who was fuckin' taller than _Kisame_ and at least twice as wide, holy _shit_!—turning for a moment.

Obviously they'd planned some of this encounter beforehand, since there was no more hesitation before Juugo ran at Hidan. The immortal scoffed at the speed, which was so much lower than even his, the slowest of the Akatsuki (physically, the slowest of the Akatsuki PHYSICALLY) and barely made any move except to make sure he wouldn't get in the way of Kisame's fight. The big fish was annoyingly whiny when interrupted.

"That all you got, pansy?" he sneered at Juugo, dodging a swipe of the opponent's arm. "Geesh, this is gunna be too easy!"

Juugo's blank—almost sorrowful—expression flickered and suddenly his chakra was roiling, frothing, dragging in energy from everywhere around him. His orange irises gleamed with a reddish tint, black leaking into the sclera, and a bloodthirsty grin lit up his expression.

"I'll kill you first," the orange-haired _thing_ said in a deep and gurgling tone, drawing back an arm that suddenly wasn't an arm anymore. Instead a blue-grey axe that gleamed in the light replaced his forearm and hand, the color leaking up his arm and bulging the muscles there grotesquely. "There's no 'immortals'…anyone…ANYONE…I can KILL! ! !"

The giant man grinned menacingly and moved with surprising speed for his size to attack Hidan. It was still slower than the immortal, but definitely fast enough that Hidan was surprised; it was low-jonin level at worst rather than the mid-chuunin he had earlier guessed. Nevertheless Hidan sidestepped and with a motion of his hand his scythe, recreated with Jashin-sama's power and "connected to his magic," appeared in all its badass triple-bladed glory.

"You can try, bastard!" he jeered to Juugo with a swipe of his scythe. He matched the orange-haired goliath's bloodthirsty grin and their battle began. Far from elegant, it was clearly a battle of instincts rather than sophisticated moves or plans like his companions' battles; Hidan didn't think, he just _moved_, trusting his body to know what to do so he wouldn't get badly injured. Of course this meant that he would get quite a few shallow wounds, but the Jashinist didn't give a fuck about those. They were easily taken care of later.

After scoring a few hits on Juugo, Hidan jumped away and smirked, pulling up his blades to taste the blood he was sure he had drawn—

"What the fuck?!"

Only there was none. His blade was just as clean as it was when he started the attack with…was that a _dent_ in the edge! ? !

Deep and genuinely amused laughter caught Hidan's attention and he whipped his head up to glare at his opponent. Sure enough the large man was _laughing_, a loud, long, drawn-out, warbling, menacing laugh that was clearly meant to be derogatory. Hidan snarled and threw his scythe, the chord wrapped around his wrist, as he shouted an enraged, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF JASHIN'S MIGHT IS SO FUNNY, YOU FUCKED-UP BASTARD! ! ? ? !"

It was as his scythe struck the man's arm that Hidan realized the answer to his question. Instead of cutting skin, the topmost blade barely cut cloth before bouncing off bluish-gray skin on Juugo's bulging, muscled chest. The giant of a man didn't even pause in his laughter, instead lunging forward with a crazed gleam to his eyes and suddenly Hidan knew what his unwilling victims had felt when he attacked as he dodged what were now two axes on the end of each arm.

"Hidan!" snapped Kakuzu's annoyed voice. Thread exploded around and over Hidan and he snarled at the interruption.

"You dumbass, I'm kinda in the middle of motherfuckin' _battle_ here!" he bit back even as he skidded to a stop next to his long-time partner.

Kakuzu glared with his piercing green eyes—it still freaked Hidan out on occasion how much they now looked like Jashin-sama's—and dryly retorted, "Next time I should just _let_ you get hit then?"

It took a moment for Hidan to realize when Kakuzu meant. While their minor spat had taken place (_really_ minor compared to their normal arguments) the elder's thread had thinned to reveal that he had stopped a projectile of the same composition as Juugo's skin just inches in front of Hidan's heart.

"Well…fuck," was Hidan's brilliant observation.

"Take your fight _seriously_, Hidan," Kakuzu sneered back as he threw the large bullet-like item back at Juugo. The man raised a hand that was back to being a hand and caught the bullet, crushing it easily and watching Kakuzu with both anger and glee.

"I guess I could kill you, too," the behemoth announced as the blue-gray coloring crept up to cover his chin and cheekbones. His sclera were almost completely overtaken with blackness at this point, the irises glowing yellow, and Hidan was definitely _not_ upset when he realized Juugo's chakra had raised even _further_. It was ridiculous how quickly it was escalating!

"Fuck that shit," snapped Hidan when he managed to get a grip on himself. Speaking of grips, his hand snapped forward and released his on his scythe, deciding long-ranged was probably better in this moment. "Take that, you damn piece of crazy! !"

The cycle returned, for the most part. Hidan was conscious enough to stay back from being hit too hard and keep away from Kakuzu's attacks from the other side of Juugo, yet the man was undeterred. He simply laughed and laughed and laughed, crazed, definitely one of those shinobi that had cracked under the pressure…

Yet was that really true? Hidan had faced those types in battle before and knew well what they felt like when he was determined to kill/sacrifice them to Lord Jashin-sama. Oftentimes, the truly crazed ones were almost useless to him, uncaring of pain and with no care as to whether they lived or died. Hidan only drew out those battles to try and get a reaction before giving up the ghost and just doing away with them quickly and easily. But this one…this Juugo…he got the idea that he was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. His soul was practically screaming in agony and a desire to be free of it—the very basis of the power Jashin-sama and His followers thrived on.

Split personality, perhaps? Or just raging bloodlust?

Hidan didn't care much, to be honest. This crazed guy was just pissing him off at this point so he wanted to _end it_, hopefully in a spectacularly messy way. The idea was quickly squashed when he sensed Jashin-sama appearing nearby.

_Jashin-sama, get out of here!_ he snapped while dodging Juugo's hand, now formed into an almost comical mallet. _We've got this covered! !_

'_I'm not just going to leave you, Hidan,'_ Jashin-sama snapped back. His emotions were roiling through the Link full of worry and protectiveness and fierce determination. _'Just shut up and accept I'm helping, okay?'_

Any idea of responding was squashed as Hidan was forced to draw his attention back to his fight with Juugo due to a burning pain in his left leg. He hissed loudly and did his best to stumble away on what he was sure was a shattered thigh bone but this hit to his speed was enough. Juugo was upon him and slamming his mallet-hand into Hidan's face with a childish sort of glee and all the bloodlust of a lion smelling weakness.

Hidan managed to dodge just enough to prevent his head from being caved in, struggling and cursing, as his shoulder was instead hit and squashed into a mess of bone shards and shredded muscle and blood. Kakuzu whipped his threads out (for a brief moment Hidan wondered why the hell the miser wasn't using his stupid-ass puppet animal things) and yanked on Juugo's arm to pull the guy away, yet it was slow going; the other hand turned into a sword that shot forward in length, thinning, but incredibly pointy.

It stabbed through Hidan's eye and straight through his brain.

The S-Class ninja and Jashin-sama's original Follower had experienced this more often than he liked. The brief flash of darkness, the whistling of no sound, the complete disconnect from his body…and for a moment, a lack of anything related to Jashin-sama, leaving him alone and cast adrift in a world without the only thing he lived for anymore.

Then he was back and cursing loudly as the man was yanked off him. His free hand reached up to try and staunch the bloodflow from his eye, his uninjured leg shoving slightly to push him out from under the struggling Juugo. Even as he did so Kakuzu's threads were beginning to break from the strain of Juugo's strength and the orange-haired man snarled, now more beast than man, covered completely in that gray-blue skin, his features both body and face twisted into a monstrous form even as his soul cried out in agony louder than Hidan had heard before.

"_Avada Kedavra._"

It was over. The green light, wavering, sickly, somehow both dark and light and beautiful and horrifying struck Juugo in the side of the neck. The body of the large man slackened and just as the light left his eyes they flickered back to the orange Hidan remembered from the beginning of battle.

Hidan never told any outside of the battle that they had been full of relief.

The whole body shrank back into a (relatively) normal human's and Kakuzu quickly dropped it to the side with an unconcealed wince as his shredded threads returned slowly to him. Hidan barely noticed this even in passing, however, his gaze snapped over to stare at where Jashin-sama stood with the Deathstick raised and a horrible despair in His eyes.

Hidan managed to sit up as best he could, eyelid closing as the blood continued to flow down from the wound beneath, and his free hand was gripping his ruined shoulder. Yet he was still staring at Jashin-sama willing Him to look in his direction.

"He wanted to die," whispered Jashin-sama, the rain beating down His face as He slowly lowered His hand. Stumbling a bit, He moved to stand over the body of Juugo, those eyes still full of relief even in the coldness of death. "That spell…it's slow to hit its target, but is the quickest and most painless way to kill."

Neither Hidan nor Kakuzu said anything about that, both as aware as Jashin-sama that the amount of energy felt to be filling their admittedly depleted energy reserves from this death was larger than any Kakuzu had ever felt before. For Hidan, only a handful of times had he felt such a massive amount of pain released—one of which was the death of the bastard of a villain that had literally torn apart his soul.

"Jashin-sama," was all Hidan could bring himself to say. Jashin-sama gave him a brief, tense look that softened quickly. The God gave a strained, barely-there smile, a simple twisting upward of the corners of His lips.

"Kisame should be done soon," said Jashin-sama, nodding to Kakuzu even as He continued to look at Hidan. "Take care of Hidan for me, would you? I'm afraid there's still one more loose end to take care of here. A promise…"

For once Hidan did not try and stop his God from being rash. Even he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

_You did the right thing, Jashin-sama._

A feeling of bitter doubt was his only response.

-Wrath of Jashin-

**Ame no Nagato "Pein" and Katsu Deidara -versus- Uchiha Sasuke**

Sometimes, Nagato questioned the sanity of those he had worked with for years, some since they were mere children. Deidara was perhaps the most questioned, never more so than after he found out the blond bomber had killed himself on what was essentially a whim.

When Deidara leapt to attack Sasuke, however, Nagato decided this was a close second on the list of moments he wondered about the kid's mental state.

Confident the others could take care of their battles, Nagato did barely more than utter a soft curse before he jumped after the impulsive ex-Akatsuki and Itachi's young brother. They were almost a mile away from the building they had begun at when they stopped.

"You're going to face me again?" asked Sasuke when they stopped, ignoring Nagato in favor of glaring at Deidara. "After losing so badly against me last time?"

"That was a fluke, un!" Deidara snapped back, a hand on his kunai pouch and the other moving slightly in what to most would appear to be a twitch. "This time…_this time_, I'm going to KILL you! !"

"Hn!" Sasuke sniffed in disbelief and turned away from Deidara pointedly, gaze locking on Nagato. "Are you the one who's been reviving the Akatsuki?"

Nagato slowly blinked, once, wondering at the strange question when he clearly had the Rinnegan…only to remember…it wasn't visible at the moment. Jashin had performed one of his strange jutsu to hide it from any who didn't already know it was there, promising that this meant it was there in his _real_ body, unless Nagato himself willed it. And at the same instant that he remembered this, a plan formed in Nagato's mind.

"If I am?" the purple-haired man drawled, eyes narrowed. Deidara gaped for a split second out of Sasuke's sight, clearly not understanding why Nagato would ever even suggest this, but luckily Sasuke was too focused on his current target to notice.

Instead Sasuke's own eyes shifted and a three-tomoe Sharingan split into life, a kunai appearing in his hand and a snarl on his lips. "Then you will tell me where Itachi is!"

Both Deidara and Nagato had to struggle to not make a gesture of their annoyance/disbelief. The kid was _still_ going on about that? Hadn't Jashin said that Itachi explained everything to his brother? If that was the case, then why would Sasuke _still_ want to know where Itachi was…?

"Dead," Nagato said flatly. "You should know, as you killed him."

"Don't pull that bullshit on me!" snapped Sasuke. Nagato stared and in the space of what would have been a blink Sasuke was caught in a huge explosion that originated from below his feet. Deidara, now flying just out of range of most attacks, was laughing superiorly at the sight of his art; he had caught on to Nagato's plan to distract and unbalance Sasuke and took advantage.

But Sasuke had grown as a ninja even since he had last fought Deidara. Instead of being stunned into stillness by his surprise like in the past, the ex-Konoha ninja threw his kunai at Nagato and switched places with it using Kawarimi***. Nagato barely had the presence of mind to bring up his own kunai and catch the attack, sparks flying as the high-quality metals ground up against each other.

Yet Sasuke was still falling, his whole weight falling on the kunai, so Nagato barely managed to deflect him a bit so he could jump back. Sasuke didn't let up in the least, taking only long enough to steady himself before jumping after Nagato.

It was all the ex-Leader could do to keep himself from using his powers. He wanted to keep up his charade of being the reason everyone else was revived; if Sasuke found otherwise, then Jashin would be targeted instead. If Jashin was a shinobi, this wouldn't be a problem…however that was far from the case. Nagato refused to allow any harm to come to his ally if he could help it. (Konan, he knew, would have been proud of his determination.)

"I heard you didn't know any jutsu, but I didn't believe it," Sasuke sneered while the two jumped away from a blast that was more focused on Sasuke than Nagato. Luckily Deidara had good aim and control over his explosions or else more than a shockwave would have affected Nagato's taijutsu. "How are you reviving the Akatsuki?!"

Nagato didn't respond, simply parrying another swipe and dropping down to sweep Sasuke's knee. Sasuke jumped away and another bomb landed nearby, blasting him a bit so he stumbled; Nagato was upon him with a punch to the face and a kick to the side. The kick was caught with one hand and with a shove he was sent spinning with barely any control. An elbow flew towards his face and with a gesture was shoved away, yet a crack revealed that there was still some damage to either/both.

A bomb exploding nearby caught Sasuke's attention just long enough for Nagato to get a suitable distance away, panting and wiping at a small bit of blood from a graze along his cheekbone. Why hadn't he bothered to continue improving his taijutsu after unlocking his Rinnegan?!

"Where," huffed Sasuke, barely winded but looking incredibly angry, "is _Itachi_?"

"He's still dead!" Nagato snapped back, panting heavily. As soon as this fight was over he was going to train his body to its limits…this was absolutely ridiculous…

Sasuke's eyes narrowed into thin slits and he was positively hissing when he spoke in an eerily similar way to Deidara or Jashin speaking their snake-language. "You revived everyone else…_except my brother_? ?"

"Katsu!" Deidara gleefully shouted from above as a life-size sculpture of himself fell and grabbed Sasuke's body. At his command the sculpture swelled grotesquely before exploding loudly and colorfully, the shockwave making Nagato flinch back despite himself. His guard didn't waver despite the apparent death.

This was for the best since within a moment there was a high-pitched squeal or chirp and Sasuke lunged out of the smoke, one hand covered in blue lightning, ready to pierce Nagato's heart.

Instinctively Nagato used his Shinra Tensei repulsive technique to stop Sasuke short. The ruse was promptly broken as Sasuke's eyes spun and morphed into a strange sort of Mangekyo Sharingan, his mouth gaping in an angry snarl befitting an attacking boar.

"Pein," he said without more pause, voice barely audible in his shaking rage. Nagato ignored him in favor of focusing his chakra to crush Sasuke's chakra-/lightning-laced arm, making the teen cry out in agony and stumble back as soon as he was released. The ex-Konoha ninja's anger, however, outweighed his pain as he glared and gritted his teeth while his arm hung crumpled and useless at his side. Nagato himself was shaking slightly from the rebound of his powerful technique, draining his reserves too much for comfort. When he had six other Paths to make up for it this wasn't a problem, but with himself as the only body and chakra source available…

He felt like smacking himself when he remembered the Fujutsu Kyuin, his Preta Path's signature technique. He could have easily just absorbed Sasuke's chakra from the attack and not only rendered it useless, but also restored his own powers. What a _stupid_ move to not make…! He was _definitely_ retraining his instincts as soon as he was able, _screw_ the paperwork that would build up.

"Back off, Uchiha," Nagato said with a strength he didn't physically feel at the moment, "before the real Jashin-sama arrives and deals with you."

For a moment Sasuke simply stared before he smirked superiorly. "If I can defeat you so easily in taijutsu, what use does a civilian have?" he asked superiorly. "As soon as we take out you, we can gather your so-called 'Jashin' and use him. I can force him under threat of death to bring back my brother…so he and I can finally have our revenge on Konoha, _together_."

"You wanna go against what Itachi wanted, un?!" shouted Deidara from up above, stopping his own assault with a half-formed sculpture in hand to stare in disbelief.

Sasuke positively roared in rage. "YOU have NO IDEA what my brother wanted! ! !"

"He wanted peace, for his brother and his village," a soft voice interjected. Nagato hissed in annoyance as Jashin appeared next to him, gaze curiously full of grief and sadness and barely-restrained anger, resting on Sasuke's spinning Sharingan. "He wanted you to live the life he could not, powerful so no one could hurt you like they had hurt him, surrounded by the people you cared for and the village he died for. He wanted you to do anything…_anything_ but work against Konoha and for Madara, the one who helped destroy most of your clan."

Time seemed to stop for a moment. Sasuke's Mangekyo span as his face turned red in rage, face twisted so it was almost as demonic as the Juubi's was described. Jashin locked his own brilliant green eyes on Sasuke's.

For a full three seconds, there was no movement on the battlefield.

Then Sasuke's Mangekyo stopped spinning. His expression flickered from the demonic visage into one of a child, horrified, scared, unsure…then blanked.

Sasuke fell backward, his crushed arm fluttering after him in what would have been a comical way if not for the fact that the situation was so serious.

On the other hand, Jashin was staring blankly in front of himself, gaze still as tormented as earlier. "I'm sorry," he whispered to the still form of Sasuke. "But this seems to be the only way…"

Deidara and his bird drifted down to land on the ground, his single visible blue eye locked on Jashin's face. "Jashin-sama? You're not…"

Jashin simply shook his head, turning away from both Deidara's wary look and Nagato's silent curiosity. "Konoha has sent a team," he said instead of addressing Deidara. "We will give them the bodies of Sasuke and the orange-haired ninja; we don't have a use for either. The one who Kisame was fighting we'll keep for information. For now, though, bring them all to the base…we can settle details there."

Still befuddled, both Deidara and Nagato watched Jashin take a final lingering glance at Sasuke before disappearing with a soft 'crack'. The shouts of Hidan not long after suggested that he went to heal the undoubtedly wounded zealot.

"I'll take Sasuke," said Nagato before Deidara could ask. The blond gave a thankful look and it was obvious the only reason why he didn't immediately flee was because of the chance of more attackers coming. Nagato brought no attention to it in favor of approaching the body and lifting it in his arms.

Only to stop after a few seconds of walking toward the others, staring at Sasuke's body with wide eyes…

-Wrath of Jashin-

Jashin-sama and Hidan had gone together to bring the bodies to the Konoha ninja. Well, indirectly. Instead of creating unnecessary conflict, instead Jashin-sama had suggested that they leave the bodies nearby and He would shoot His 'Mark' into the air so they would be found. No one could find any reason to say otherwise so that was precisely what they did.

The Mark had barely arisen when the Konoha ninja came to investigate. The Jinchuuriki was leading the pack followed closely by his sensei (whom Hidan remembered angrily had helped kill Kakuzu, the bastard), the pink-haired bitch whom killed Sasori, and a guy who looked like an Uchiha with a creepy smile and stupid clothes.

They all stopped short just inside the clearing, taking in the sight of Sasuke's body propped up with his back against a tree, a sealing scroll in his lap, eyes closed.

"Sasuke?" breathed Naruto the Jinchuuriki, disbelieving. He rushed forward without pause despite the warning shouts of his teammates.

"Damn idiot," muttered Hidan, "didn't even check for traps…"

Jashin-sama ignored his mumbling, green eyes steady upon the scene as Naruto stopped short in front of Sasuke. The pink-haired girl wasn't too far behind and crouched in front of the body, one hand checking for a pulse in Sasuke's neck.

Her eyes widened in what was a mix of joy and fear. "He's alive," she said just loud enough for the others to hear. The creepy smile guy and the sensei (Scarecrow, right?) both tensed, the girl doing the same, but Naruto was too busy staring at Sasuke's face to notice.

Jashin-sama waved His Deathstick toward Sasuke and the spell He used to keep the boy unconscious was lifted. Eyelids fluttered and slowly opened, plain black eyes gazing unseeingly at those before him and blinking slowly.

There was a long moment where no one seemed to move.

"…where am I?" asked Sasuke slowly, staring at the two with simple confusion. "What…who…" He blinked again. "…who are you?"

Tears fell from the pink-haired one's eyes and with a muffled sob, she lunged forward, tackling Sasuke in a hug. Naruto didn't pause before doing the same, head buried in poor, confused Sasuke's shoulder, while behind them the Scarecrow relaxed only after Sasuke still made no move to take advantage of their weakness and the smiling guy just looking confused.

With a nod, Jashin-sama beckoned Hidan and the two left.

"You can ask me anything, Hidan," Jashin-sama suddenly said after a long moment of the two walking briskly away from the clearing. Hidan started slightly before frowning at the God faintly.

"...okay, fine," Hidan said with a huff, folding his arms over his chest, "why the _fuck_ didn't we just kill the kid?!"

There was a long pause before Jashin-sama sighed. He reached up and fingered the faded scar hidden by His bangs with a faraway look in his gaze.

"Because everyone deserves a second chance and a clean slate," said He, softly, sorrowfully, wistfully.

Once again during their long time knowing each other, with a few unexpected words, Jashin-sama had rendered Hidan unable to respond.

-END-

*Zombie Combo – A nickname for Hidan and Kakuzu's partnership, coined by Kisame in jest.

**Juugo of the Scales – Juugo's mokier among his enemies. It's a reference to how easily his personality can shift with the simplest of actions.

***Kawarimi is the replacement technique. It's pretty self-explanatory.

*(also)*Ah, I'm a bit of an idiot…I forgot to translate "gaki" last chapter. Roughly, it translates to "brat"…in the case of Suigetsu probably being affectionately coined when younger but when he started pissing off Kisame it was meant as an insult.

MKL's Post-Production Notes (12-31-12): Well, it's a few days later than I meant to post it, but here it is! The latest WoJ! I don't have much to say here...as usual I'm unhappy with the fight scenes but everyone seems to like them fine judging by last chapter's reviews. I'm probably going to have people upset for not killing Sasuke but killing Juugo, but remember Harry's promise to Itachi? If there was any way to save Sasuke, he would do it. Probably he got the idea from Lockhart's backfired spell but I can't say for sure. I know I got it because stupid Itachi demanded I not kill him and I had no idea how to get rid of all that repressed anger soooo...why not get rid of the cause? So yeah, in case you haven't noticed, Sasuke's memory is completely whiped. He used the Mangekyo to try and invade Harry's mind and it backfired...instead he became permidently amnesiatic. Well, permidently as far as this story is concerned. What happens after is up to you guys. ;)

...so much for not having anything to say. ^.^';; Well everyone I'll shut up now. Happy New Year to all! :D


	21. Episode Fifteen 1,000 Paper Cranes

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

**Episode Fifteen – 1,000 Paper Cranes  
><strong>"_Memories of our lives,  
><em>_of our works and our deeds,  
><em>_will continue in others."  
><em>-Rosa Parks

This, Harry reflected as he gazed into the stubborn purple eyes, was probably one of his least favorite things to do with his magic, no matter how useful it was. He hated invading others' privacy so thoroughly—to go rooting through others' minds, their personal thoughts, their feelings and memories. Normally he just remained on the surface but this boy, Suigetsu (just three years younger than Harry yet in many aspects much older—wasn't that a strange thought?), was being stubborn. It was like he had experience with casual mind-walkers and knew that the trick was to make your thoughts as scattered as possible or focus hard on other well-known subjects (songs were the most popular but this kid was ranting in his mind about swords) or whatever else worked.

"Well? Give up yet?" Suigetsu asked haughtily. "Your technique sucks. I guess Tobi was exaggerating when he said you were a threat."

"_Kubikiribōchō__, Decapitating Carving Knife, last held by Momoichi Zabuza the 'Demon of the Mist,' expert of silent killing technique, defected from Kirigakure seven years ago…"_

This was the third time Harry had gotten that mental response. Apparently Suigetsu greatly favored his own blade.

"No," said Harry, smiling stiffly and lifting his Elder Wand, "but I must apologize for anything I bring up. Please don't struggle. It'll hurt more." Suigetsu opened his mouth, probably to say something, but Harry ignored him. "Legilimens."

Every person's mind was different. In his time learning the art, Harry had discovered a multitude of mental planes—Hermione, for example, had a library for hers with the memories being various books. For Ron, it was a Quidditch Pitch, complete with stands filled with "people" and the various instruments involved in the game to represent his memories. Harry's own mindscape was Hogwarts with his memories in different areas depending on importance: surface thoughts at the front entrance, bad memories in the Chamber of Secrets, comforting memories in the Gryffindor Tower, etcetera. Suigetsu's mind, predictable given his chosen focus when Harry went in, was a weapons' shop.

It was easy to tell that despite his knowledge of how to block casual mind-walkers ("mind readers" as Harry had once called it despite Snape's disgust with the term) Suigetsu had no idea how to organize his mind to prevent intruders. The front door was coated in his surface thoughts, which whispered along Harry's "body" when he "walked" through them, but past that were weapons scattered everywhere. These were Suigetsu's actual memories.

The floor had tacks/caltrops all over it, inconsequential memories of things such as what was for breakfast and prepared insults against someone named "Karin" for example. Harry ran his hand along a set of kunai on one shelf and found they were casual memories, mostly of peaceful times that probably helped for meditation; nearby were shuriken that were confusing memories, spinning from one feeling to the other on a dime, flying through the air. Senbon were the slightly painful memories, little more than pinpricks, mostly featuring old wounds.

The seven different swords in the back held the memories Harry wanted, however. He focused hard on what he wanted, memories involving "Tobi," and was drawn to a long, thin sword on the edge that had an equally thin handle and a little bit of thread hanging off a circle on the end. Judging by the earlier thoughts he had endured this was the Nuibari "Sewing Needle."

A hand touched it and with little direction Harry found himself standing in a spacious stone room. It was similar to a cave, but bathed in shadow, meaning little was visible outside of the three figures standing in the middle. In the middle of the trio was Sasuke, wearing that stupid outfit he had fought in with the purple butt-bow thing and open white shirt, looking with narrowed eyes straight ahead. On his right was Juugo, surprisingly calm, but clearly sad and sighing to himself. To the left was Suigetsu with Kubikiribōchō resting on his back and arms crossed. His expression was less than pleased.

"Welcome back, Suigetsu-kun, Juugo-kun," said a smooth tenor. Out of the darkness where Sasuke was staring an orange mask faded into existence, a red glowing circle on the left side, and after a few moments Harry realized it was an eye. A Sharingan eye, three-tomoe'd, spinning lazily… "I trust Sasuke has explained the situation."

"What bit?" Suigetsu asked, looking irritated but keeping his voice slightly lowered in respect. He knew better than to piss off Tobi or whatever his real name was (he severely doubted the guy was Madara but didn't want to say anything; Sasuke would take his head in a heartbeat if he voiced his thoughts without Karin there to take the brunt of his rage off…'least she was useful for something) so did his best not to be insulting. Well, sort of. "About Karin getting kidnapped by Konoha, about you being the main reason we were broken out of that place, or do you mean about this guy who's claiming to be a god?"

Tobi's eye crinkled slightly and Suigetsu guessed he was smirking beneath his mask. Or glowering. Or frowning. Or…well, it was hard to tell. "All three of course."

Suigetsu did his best to act normal despite the pressure he could feel…whether it was in his head or not was beyond him. "Then yeah, he has."

"Good," said Tobi, softly, icily. Suigetsu was reminded of his brother when he was angry but Harry thought it was more like Snape when being honestly cruel to someone—a rare thing but definitely something Harry had witnessed. "That would be why I assured you were broken out."

"You would have just left us there?!" Suigetsu asked, not really surprised but still pissed. Tobi didn't move but there was a faint amount of warning in the air so the Hozuki quickly shut his mouth.

Tobi went on as if there was no interruption. "While this 'Jashin'," the amused disbelief was evident yet Harry could sense a bit of unease hidden deep within the man's voice, "seems to have little to no skills himself, aside from his revival technique, those who travel with him pose a potential, minor problem should they decide to move against us. You all will prepare to face them."

"When will we move out?" Sasuke inquired. His voice was dead but there was a hint of anger; his fist clenched involuntarily. Tobi on the other hand somehow managed to seem surprised.

"Move out? Why, never, of course. There's no reason to bring their attention to us unduly."

Sasuke scowled at the idea. "'Unduly'?"

"Of course. They seem mostly uninterested in shinobi events outside of irritation at Konoha. Perhaps I will offer an alliance in the future, should 'Jashin' revive someone of interest, but it would be better to simply observe them for now. Zetsu has been taking care of that."

"If he can revive the dead," Juugo suddenly said, his voice soft but curious as his gaze travelled slowly around the others, "why don't we approach him sooner? Or" (he grimaced in disgust) "get rid of him and the others?"

"Zetsu has assured us that 'Jashin' is no threat on his own," said Tobi, clearly becoming bored, "and those he's surrounded himself with are easily taken care of. When we prepare to create the Juubi…then perhaps I will send your team to take him out. There is no reason to do so sooner."

Suigetsu was silent even as he watched Sasuke fume, and as Tobi continued to give directions to their group, Suigetsu just knew they were going against the maybe-Madara's orders…he grinned to himself in anticipation…maybe he'd finally get a good challenge once again…

Harry pulled himself from the memory and furthermore out of Suigetsu's mind. The kid blinked blearily, reeling a bit, then his gaze sharpened and he glared at Harry.

"_What_," he hissed, trying to be intimidating despite being on the inside of a cell reinforced with seals to suck his chakra as well as Harry's own wards so he couldn't escape or reduce himself to water, "did you _do_?"

"Confirmed a suspicion," was all Harry said. His wand raised once again and he took a deep breath. "Ready for round two?"

So it continued.

-Wrath of Jashin-

"He doesn't think we're a threat?" was the instant question from Nagato, honestly looking shocked, as Harry carefully healed his wounds. Harry hummed while continuing his work; he was a bit upset he didn't do so sooner but after healing Hidan's "life-threatening" injuries the others insisted he, ah, interviewed Suigetsu. They actually hadn't wanted to do that much until Harry pointed out how uncoordinated Hidan would be with one eye and how hard it was to clean up bloodstains…

This was definitely a strange group Harry had brought together.

"I think he does, somewhat," said Harry when he finished, casting a diagnostic to make sure he'd healed the fracture in Nagato's jaw. He nodded to himself at the affirmative and handed Nagato a bruise balm he had stored in his moleskin pouch. It seemed he was running low…he'd have to make some more soon… "The only thing is he is underestimating us. By now, I'm sure everyone knows I'm a civilian with a strange power at my disposal that is supposedly 'useless' for combat.

"The revival of Hidan and Kakuzu is obvious; we stormed Konoha's gates after all." (Kakuzu muttered something about stupid tactics but was largely ignored.) "No one has officially seen and recognized Deidara but we've been travelling enough that word has surely gotten out. However it seems he doesn't know about Kisame or you, Nagato…if he did I'm sure we'd already have been assaulted. If Zetsu really is checking in, though, he's sure to find out soon."

"His loss of Sasuke will set back his plans," Kakuzu drawled, lounging in a chair with a newspaper in his lap. Harry had to stifle a laugh when he realized it was the economic section he was focused on. "You said that Sasuke was supposed to be merged with the Statue of the Outer Paths to create and control the Juubi, but I doubt he'll storm Konoha to get him this late in the game. If the team we gave him to was intelligent in the least they probably rushed back to make sure he stays safe."

"No matter what they did, there's something _I_ need to do right now," said Harry gently, staring thoughtfully at a wall. He could practically feel the question marks in the air from his companions. "Itachi needs to know what happened to his brother…not to mention that he may have some more information on Madara we could use."

"Well then, the fuck're ya waitin' for?" Hidan asked, probably thinking he looked less excited than he did. "Call him up!"

"Is it that easy?" Kisame asked with a blink. Harry smiled at him, one hand already touching the Resurrection Stone, and nodded.

"Now that I have a lock on his energy, then yes, it is," he admitted. "I could just as easily summon Sasori's spirit if I wanted to…although I don't."

The memory of Deidara's sorrow made Harry scowl to himself and, luckily, no one commented.

Silence fell over the room as Harry focused and stroked the Stone. Once, twice, three times…

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…it isn't working," Deidara needlessly announced. Harry frowned.

"This doesn't make sense," he muttered before again stroking the Resurrection Stone, focusing hard on Itachi's energy. Yet again—nothing occurred. There was barely a faint stir of his magic before everything settled with no difference.

"Do you have to go back to Itachi's resting place?" Nagato offered.

"No, I don't." Harry scowled at the ring gracing his finger. "I've done this before back home with the spirits of my godfathers and parents…it's never failed before." A horrid thought occurred to him and his gaze snapped to his first follower. "Hidan, didn't you say there was a revival technique similar to Inferni?"

"Yeah, it was Orochimaru's thing, reviving dead bodies using freshly dea—oh. Shit-fuck," Hidan finished, apparently realizing where Harry was going with that. The others looked suitably ill/pissed at the insinuation and Harry hurriedly tried to summon the only other spirit he could at the moment.

"Sasori's soul isn't responding, either," Harry whispered, horrified. Slowly his horror was replaced with rage and he snarled; a vase nearby that looked suitably priceless was destroyed spectacularly. Whether this was due to Harry's rage or Deidara's wasn't exactly clear since both looked equally angered. "That _bastard_! _As if I wasn't pissed enough, now he's screwing with the dead against their will—he has no idea what he's messing with!_"

Kisame and Nagato looked bewildered as Harry slipped into Parseltongue and continued to rant about idiots. Kakuzu pinched his nose, clearly restraining his own anger, and Hidan was nodding along with the rage. Deidara snapped in a few agreements every now and then.

"Um," a voice quietly interrupted. In an instant everyone had their various weapons pointed at the owner of the voice; faced with Samehada, the Elder Wand, a clay bird ready to explode, a triple-bladed scythe, a mass of threads, and glowing Rinnegan eyes the poor masked woman was ready to bolt.

"What is it, _Shi_?" asked Nagato after everyone had calmed. The ANBU member, clad in simple form-fitting black clothes with a black cape attached to a hood and the lower half of her face covered by a rebreather-mask, quickly regained her composure and bowed respectfully to him.*

"Lord Pein-sama, I was sent by the Council to let you and Lord Jashin-sama know that the target has been found. Head Counsel Tsuki is awaiting you in the 'old place.'"

Nagato's eyes lit up and after a moment Harry realized why. The 'target'…that must mean…

"Thank you, _Shi_," Harry said with a warm smile, his anger drifting off for the moment. The woman ANBU bowed deeply again before disappearing from sight.

"What's going on, un?" Deidara blinked. Standing along with Nagato, Harry couldn't help but grin.

"Well, there's one more person we can revive, if you remember. Hopefully she will agree."

-Wrath of Jashin-

While the state of Konan's body wasn't as bad as Harry had feared, it was far from perfect. She had been pulled from one of the many rivers in Amegakure, having presumably washed downstream after her death, and enough time had passed that her body was beginning to rot. The only real wounds though were superficial except a large hole through her ribcage, and ignoring the waterlogged decomposition the body was easily fixed.

As it was Harry, Nagato, and Hidan (who had tagged along for obvious reasons) had Bubblehead Charms put upon them by the only wizard in the room so they could breathe. The scent of putrefaction was suffocating otherwise.

"Nagato," Harry began, rotating the ring holding the Resurrection Stone slowly around his finger, "don't forget to keep your hand on my shoulder or else you won't be able to see or hear Konan."

"I heard you when you said it before, Jashin-dono," said Nagato with a faint frown. Harry smiled faintly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to insult your intelligence. I'm simply used to having to repeat things for Hidan."

"What the shit, Jashin-sama?!" Hidan shouted, scowling half-heartedly. "Seriously, aren't You on my side!?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh lightly. "Always, Hidan, but you can't deny it's true," he said. While Hidan gaped and grumbled half-heartedly Harry turned back to focus on the energy from Konan's poor body, rubbing the Resurrection Stone and transferring the energy for what could quite possibly be the final time.

The smoky form of Konan's spirit began to rise and gradually formed into a much more beautiful version of the body they had already seen. She was about the same height as Harry, perhaps a fraction shorter, she was very beautiful…from what Harry could see while studiously focusing on only her face and not her naked form (although he did get a glimpse of decent-sized breasts to his embarrassment). Her features were thin and she seemed soft and gentle despite the deadpan expression she wore, her slanted amber eyes resting on Harry for only a moment from between blue locks of hair that hit her chin before darting to Nagato.

Those eyes widened in shock. "Nagato-sama?" she breathed, clearly struggling to come to terms with what she was seeing. Harry noted Nagato blushing heavily out of the corner of his eye probably having made the same mistake in seeing her breasts…if not more. Luckily Hidan saw _much_ less detail than either of them or else there'd have been quite a few lewd comments sent her way.

"Konan," Nagato greeted, his blush embarrassingly dark on his pale skin. Konan blinked before smiling; it was a gentle smile that softened her whole face and made her seem much younger (although she hadn't seemed particularly old to begin with).

"You're you again," she noted softly before her gaze flickered to Harry again and her expression blanked. "Is this man the 'Jashin' whom we heard was reviving the others?"

"I am," Harry said, giving a smile of his own. "It's nice to meet you, Konan. Hidan has spoken highly of you in the past and since his revival Nagato has confirmed many of the tales I heard."

Hidan's albino-pale skin flushed and he grumbled something about secrets not being secrets, scratching his nose as he looked away from Konan. Her amber gaze swept to him with surprise that soon softened into fondness.

"Ah," was all she said before turning back to Harry. This time her ease didn't leave as she observed him. "Will you be reviving me, then, as you have the others?"

"Only if you want to," said the Jashin. "If not I won't be forcing you."

Konan was quiet for only a moment before nodding. "You have the support of Nagato. Where he goes, whom he trusts, I go and trust. I won't fight you."

Harry smiled and nodded. "Before I do, I must warn you that in order to return your body to a useable state, there will be a slight sharing of traits between us. For the most part it has been physical—Hidan has received my messy hair, Kakuzu gained my eyes—but occasionally it is power-based such as Deidara gaining an ability that is similar to your Kekkei genkai. Do you still wish to do this?"

There was only a second's pause before Konan nodded again and Harry smiled wider, lifting his wand. "Alright, then. One moment…Reverto Somnes ut Vita."

It was then Konan seemed to notice her body and grimaced slightly at its horrible state. Yet even then it regenerated, dead cells inflating with life, the rot turning into healthy skin and organs and muscle. She appeared almost the same age as her spirit—perhaps with a few less stress lines around her eyes and on her forehead but otherwise she was unchanged. Physically it seemed that way, at least.

Although the regeneration was less than any of the others he had done, Harry was still quick to use the Resurrection Stone to connect Konan's soul to her body. There was once more pain shortly after, but notably less than with any of the others; Harry only hissed faintly while gripping the left side of his head as the skin tingled and pinched in pain.

Hidan of course completely overreacted, shoving Nagato (gently thank Merlin) aside and instantly grabbing Harry's shoulders. Harry gave him a grimace of annoyance.

"Hidan, I'm fine," he grumbled through clenched teeth. Nearby Konan's amber orbs blinked open and Nagato seemed to light up, bending over to help her into a sitting position and whispering something to her. It was apparently something good judging by the flattered and faintly embarrassed look Konan was sporting. "Honestly it's just a little headache and some tiredness. Don't worry about it."

"Why is everything so blurry?" asked Konan suddenly. Harry, startled, glanced over and blinked; indeed Konan was squinting as if she couldn't quite make out anything, although she seemed to see Nagato just fine. It took a few moments for Harry to understand why and he grimaced.

"Ah…that's…unfortunate." Nagato and Konan turned sharply in his direction (Konan squinting badly) and Harry gave an awkward grin. "Um. It looks like your vision deteriorated as a result…although since you seem to be able to see Nagato fine it's not as bad as mine…so that's good?"

The two Amegakure natives glanced at each other before looking back to Harry. Konan was eventually the one who spoke as she climbed slowly to her feet, Nagato hovering awkwardly at her side. "I will easily deal with it," she said eventually before lifting her sleeve and grimacing in disgust, "but…could I possibly get some new clothes? These are…less than pleasant…"

"Would ya prefer to be bare-ass naked?" Hidan said in what he probably thought was a flirty tone.

Harry face-palmed as Konan's eyes hardened and she did something that resulted in Hidan howling in pain and shouting about how he was joking. Well once again his little family was getting larger and more interesting.

Although if Hidan kept making comments like that he was probably going to be the first near-immortal to end up truly dead. Luckily Harry knew better than to get in between a woman and her revenge, no matter how painful it looked. For this one Hidan was on his own.

-END-

*The ANBU from Amegakure are never described so I took creative liberties. For those who are curious, each ANBU has the same form-fitting outfit with hood and cape, their identities concealed with both the hood and the rebreather mask (look at the genin from Ame in the Chuunin Exams for the best example). They all have code names, as well, but instead of being an animal instead they use numbers. Ichi (one) is the most powerful of them and the rest are in no particular order. _Shi_ would be four.

MKL's Post-Production Notes (1-2-12): So I cried today. Like, seriously. I cried like a baby. Tears of joy. 1,000 reviews, guys. 1,000 REVIEWS! ! I just...I still can't believe it! You all are so awesome. You made a lonely young woman's dreams come true. To think one of my stories is so popular...even though it's a fanfiction it's still wonderful! Thank you all! ! !

Um, well. I won't gush anymore, I promise. Thank you all again. As a reward, I decided to post this up super early. Imagine, two updates in one week! Are we sure the apocolypse already passed? Hahaha.

On a completely unrelated note (kind of), I'd like to plug a story. Normally I don't do this but this is a story that really caught my attention. It's a HP/Naruto crossover involving the Akatsuki being reborn. Written by **phoenixyfriend**, it's titled "Reborn at Hogwarts" and it has only one chapter, the prologue, up now...but I've had the honor of reading past that and know that while you may find the prologue a bit slow since it's mostly backstory for her universe, it picks up fast and is super entertaining. Go check it out. Seriously. Go. Now. Shoo. Give her 1,000 reviews if you can. (Also from her are the equally wonderful "Gender Confusion" and "Fly Free"; check those out, too!)


	22. Chapter 22

Hello everyone, MKL here. Just wanted to give you guys notice that this story will be on haitus for a while due to personal reasons. If you want more details, continue reading; I need to vent on what has happened anyhow so might as well share my story with you all. If not, just know that I'm really, really sorry for this and thank you for your patience.

Okay. Here we go.

My father has been having behavioral problems for as long as I can remember, most of it irrational anger. In the last two years he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety-first depression, than anxiety. He's done well for the most part but there's a definite diference in his behavior...most notably the tendency toward self-harm and recklessness. This has sent him into the behavioral section of the hospital multiple times since his diagnosis. He's never stayed longer than a week until now.

As I'm writing this, he's been in the hospital for two weeks. I just visitted him less than twenty minutes ago and the experience is still fresh and raw. Normally I don't visit him when this happens, mostly because there are restraints on who can visit him/why/when and I'd rather my mother, grandmother, and his sister get the chance...he calls every morning to tell me he's doing well. This time however his stay is much longer and he asked if I could visit him. I was more than happy to when I went, but...

His diagnosis has changed to bipolar and anxiety. He will be in the hospital for up to two more weeks, switching between meds and preventing him from self-harm, and afterward he'll be home where I'll be his main support and continue running the household with more to do than ever before.

It's been hard to write since I learned of this condition but now it's simply impossible. I'm sure I will open the story document every once in a while to add a paragraph or two, but I can't do much more than that right now. As such this story along with my others are on haitus. As you can probably guess this is necessary while I get my life in order once more, but I still want to appologize to you readers. A haitus has begun and who knows when it will end. I will return to this when I am able but I'm not sure how long that will be-a month, two, a year. Rest assured this will be finished; it's just a question of when.

In the meantime, thanks for your support, everyone. I still enjoy reading every one of your reviews and comments. Cheers for now, and remember it's not goodbye. It's until we meet again. :)

-MKL, signing out.

2-10-13


	23. SHE'S ALIIIIIIVE! ! ! Special (2Parter!)

_Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin_

Summary: Yes, that's right, I'm alive! I'm real! Hi! More info on that at the end; for now, this the long-awaited, non-WoJ-canon omake requested by my 1,000th reviewer for this fic, Beyogi! :D Also, this omake alone has outright NagatoKonan for a total of one paragraph. So yeah. That's a thing.

**SHE'S ALIIIIIIVE! ! ! Special, Part 1:  
><strong>**Gender Roles  
><strong>"_No doubt exists that all women are crazy;  
><em>_It's only a question of degree__."  
><em>-W. C. Fields

The pain was so incredibly _agonizing_. He had never felt anything like it! It was burning, ruthless, horrifying—was someone stabbing him?! Was he feeling some sort of centralized torture curse?! _What was happening to his body!?_

"What the hell, seriously, Jashin-sama," groaned Hidan as he slumped and glared at his God, "it can't be that bad, seriously!"

An inhuman snarl leapt from Harry's throat and a bright purple curse sailed directly where Hidan's head had been a moment before. Hidan, for his part, was hardly cowering at all in the face of Harry's wrath. (By "hardly cowering" I mean "totally cowering", of course.)

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S NOT THAT BAD!" the young wizard shouted before his face scrunched with pain and he fell back on the bed. A whimper escaped Harry and he curled in on himself, clutching desperately at his lower stomach. "Oh, God…what did I do to deserve this…? I've tried to be good, I've helped a bunch of people…I mean, I've been helping a group of murderers, but we all make mistakes, right…? Right?!"

Hidan yelped and flailed when Harry suddenly burst into tears. "I'm sorry!" wailed he, curling up even farther as he jolted violently at the sudden flash of pain. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry! REALLY! ! !"

Flailing even more, Hidan dodged in place, debating whether to comfort his Jashin or run screaming from the room. Harry apparently made the decision for him when he shouted, suddenly angry again:

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?! GO! LEAVE! I DEMANDED CHOCOLATE TWENTY MINUTES AGO! ! WHY AREN'T YOU GONE ALREADY!? ! !"

The Jashinist was out the door before the last word escaped Harry, slamming it shut behind him and leaning against it with wide, horrified eyes. Having been standing outside the door, Deidara was clearly torn between overwhelming amusement and equal horror.

"What the hell is wrong with him, un?" whispered Deidara. Hidan sucked in a breath, glanced once around the hallway, then leaned in close to whisper to Deidara the word no man ever wanted to hear:

"_Jashin-sama is on her period._"

Within his—er, _her_ room, the newly-gender-swapped Jashin-sama moaned in pain. He—_She!_—swore then and there to never again doubt the overwhelming power of a woman. No man would ever be able to stand this horror!

Meanwhile, down the hall, a very awkward conversation was going on between Nagato and the now-male Konan. A _very_ awkward conversation. Because Nagato was 90% sure he was straight, yet Konan was a guy, but Nagato still loved, er, him…

(Far away, a single Entity was laughing uproariously at the newest situation It had stuck Its favorite Avatar into. Witches and wizards be warned: Magic really had a sick sense of humor.)

**-****Part 1: END-  
><strong>-Wrath of Jashin-

Summary: Jashin-sama is fragile, compared to them. So He must be protected! (The differences between "protecting" and "stalking" is often unnoticed/ignored by S-Class ninja.)

**SHE'S ALIIIIIIVE! ! ! Special, Part 2:  
><strong>**Mother Hens  
><strong>"_God wants spiritual fruit,  
><em>_not religious nuts…__"  
><em>-Unknown

Harry didn't notice anything wrong, at first. He just went about his days wandering through Amegakure, exploring the new area, meeting the people and just being normal. Or as normal as he could be, considering he was Harry Potter the Master of Death/Man-Who-Triumphed/Jashin.

The point being that Harry was just going about his days when he suddenly noticed something…unsettling. Namely that there was a muffled magical signature that kept popping up everywhere he did.

Now, despite the many attempts on his life by many different people in both the worlds he had resided in, Harry didn't consider himself particularly paranoid. The first day he noticed this signature he simply put it down as coincidence.

The second day, he was a bit unsettled, but ignored it.

The fourth day, he found himself jumping whenever someone spoke to him without warning.

The seventh day, he had developed what felt like a permanent twitch in his left eye.

The eighth day, Harry finally snapped and whirled on his heel to glare in the general direction of the signature.

"STOP FOLLOWING ME!" he screamed, voice cracking a bit.

Around him, the many people of Amegakure paused to turn and stare at the Jashin that had, until that point, been a perfectly normal bloke. But now their supposedly normal non-ninja "god" (some were starting to question the label) was…shouting at an alley cat to stop following him?

Even Harry sweatdropped at that, standing in the middle of the street, staring into the golden eyes of the cat that stared back at him. Eventually the cat pranced off and the streets of Amegakure began moving again.

"Maybe I should lay off the caffeinated tea," muttered Harry to himself, slumping before he slowly made his way back to the Tower. A nap sounded really good right about then…

Standing in the shadow of the alleyway the cat had fled into, a figure let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief as the God moved on. Deidara muttered to himself about disguising his signature better as he followed his Jashin, eyes sharp and on the lookout for any threats even on supposedly friendly streets. There was no way he would let anything happen to Him, not if he could help it! Even if Jashin-sama ended up losing His mind from paranoia, it would be worth it to make sure He was safe!

(Back at the Tower, Hidan felt a disturbance and wondered who had taken up his title as "craziest overprotective zealot" for the moment before shrugging and going back to his bloody prayer to Jashin-sama. So what if Jashin-sama was with him? That was no reason to fall behind~)

**-Part 2: END-**

MKL's Post-Production Notes (9-24-13): Oh, wow. Oh wow. I just…wow. You guys. You've made me cry tears of joy so many times since the last time I typed at you! All the well-wishes, the advice, the reassurances and cheer…you guys are seriously the best reviewers/followers a writer could ever ask for!

So, what you really care about (other than the fun pieces above, of course, haha~), an update on the story's status. And I guess my own, too, since…y'know…they're kinda related.

Basically, life has begun to look up once again. Dad is stable on his meds, I've got a steady job, I'm preparing for schooling once more in the spring. I moved across the country a few months back and have finally settled in with that. My little brother's starting to cause a bit of a hiccup, but he's doing okay enough that it's not interfereing. Really, at this point, two things are holding me back:

One, I am currently in mourning. My wonderful, beautiful grandmother just died a few weeks ago, right when life was starting to look normal again, and my world was rocked once more. I'm slowly recovering but the keyword here is "slowly". It's at the point now, though, where I just have to push through it and move on as best I can. So yeah.

Two (and much more mundane)…lack of motivation/laziness. Once I get out of the swing of things, I lose interest rapidly—but that's what these omakes were for! Not only to reassure you all I'm alive but also to get those creative juices flowing! I'm putting a time restraint on myself, too: By the end of the first week of October (ie. Saturday the 5th), I will have the next chapter posted. It shall be done! This is a vow to you guys and myself! 'Course, don't be surprise if it shows up at exactly 11:59 that day or something…but anyway. We should all be able to enjoy a new chapter—theoretically before then.

Theoretically.

Anyway, thanks once again, everyone, for everything you've done. In the meantime, if you need some MKL-style bites, some of you may have noticed I've begun a series titled "MKL's Dusty Bookshelf". There's a HP one ("The Restricted Section"), a Naruto one ("Konoha Files"), and new tonight we have a KH/FF one ("The NEW Secret Reports")! Dat naming scheme, eh? ;) Anyway, they're mostly old stuff, but feel free to check it out anyway. Worse that could happen is that you hate it, right? Haha~ Also, while you're at it, check out the latest poll on my profile. It's an updated version of the last one wherein the top 11 choices in my old poll make a return! What do YOU GUYS want me to work on when the rapidly-approaching end of WoJ arrives!? Remember, if you don't vote, you can't complain about what ends up winning! xD

Meanwhile, I'm heading to bed. Goodnight~!


End file.
